


Before I Go

by Rainy_Memories



Series: Gateway [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Porn, Demons, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gratuitous Smut, M/M, Misunderstandings, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Yikes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-17 23:43:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 69,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21518392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainy_Memories/pseuds/Rainy_Memories
Summary: “I’ll give you a ride.” Looking at Natasha, I relax a little. “Unless you’re planning to gear up and fly out of here.” I want to, but I don’t know if I’d ever land. Maybe I’d just fly myself out of the atmosphere, die in space like I should have. Maybe I should’ve just died in that cave instead of Yinsen. Maybe there isn’t a reason I’m alive aside from pure luck, or a sick joke. Maybe being alive wasn’t a second chance for me, but a chance for karma to run its course for all of the sins I’ve committed.
Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Gateway [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1609423
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

“No one blames you, Tony.”

Grinding my teeth, I put my face in my hands, trying to collect myself. No one blames me? Really?

“It wasn’t your fault.”

Well, isn’t that the first time I’ve heard that? Looking up, I manage to lock eyes with Steve across from me. He gets closer, squeezes my shoulder, and I hate it. All I can think about is all the times I took the blame for something, all the times I tried to fix things and only got further chastised. I’m not a child, I’m not asking to be coddled. All of that, and suddenly I'm not to believe it was my fault? Years of having the finger pointed at me, usually rightfully so, but now I’m supposed to just… what, blame it on the powers that be?

I swallow and look away, watching as people start to fill in chairs for the wake.

“What are they doing here?” Motioning at reporters, already taking photos of what is supposed to be a private event, I look at the person who promised me we’d have a funeral that was personal and quiet. Before Steve can respond, I wave him off, my temper boiling under my skin. “You know what? It’s fine. That’s my fault, I should’ve just handled it myself.”

“Tony, I’ll get rid of them.”

“I said it’s fine.” Pushing his hand off me, I straighten my jacket and fiddle with the cuff of my dress shirt. “I should’ve known the media circus would get past the… old man who is too polite to say something when a barista gets his drink wrong.” Muttering to myself, I don’t take the time to hear his response, and I walk over to the podium. Deep breaths, I tell myself, she wouldn’t want to see you like this… a mess. I have to set some sort of example, this is now apparently a public affair, and Pepper was always telling me about how I need to learn to behave for the kids who look up to me. God, they shouldn’t look up to me.

The words are stuck in my throat when I go to speak. I don’t have any cards to read off of, my brain feels empty and busy at the same time. Is this stage fright? Everyone stares at me expecting something, anything, to leave my mouth. I take in the crowd; I know most of the people, sort of. I’ve seen them around Stark Industries, so I assume they work for me- for Pepper. There’s family, friends… avengers.

“Thank you… uh... “ I wet my lips, “for coming. This is supposed to be a private event, but I guess the press didn’t get the memo. So we’ll just… continue from here.” When was the last time talking to a crowd was this hard? I have people come up to speak while I take a seat in the front row. There are plenty of hands on my shoulders, reassuring nods, making me feel nauseous. I watch the casket, I watch her, praying she’ll sit up suddenly. That she’ll sit up and yell at me for trying to kill her off before she died, that she’ll hit me with the pillow she’s resting on. Anything. Anything. Even if just a few seconds. Just a minute to tell her I love her, that I’m sorry… I walk back up to the podium and it feels like time is going in slow motion. I’m not great with feelings, not expressing them or handling them. I’m shaky when I get there, and I grip the edges of it tight enough that my knuckles turn white.

“Pepper is… was... incredible. She was phenomenal. Since the day I met her, she’d done nothing but improve the lives of everyone at Stark Industries. Especially mine. My faults are all very public, so I don’t think I need to tell you how much I’ve changed thanks to her.” This sounds so impersonal. I sound like her boss, not her boyfriend. How do people do this? I make the mistake of looking over to her, and I have to stop myself from having a meltdown on the spot. She’s... 

“Mr Stark!”

“This isn’t- really an interactive thing.”

“Mr Stark, is it true that you had to recreate Miss Potts’ body for the funeral due to the severe injuries she sustained?” Fucking media vultures.

“That’s none of your business.”

“Mr Stark, do you blame yourself for what happened?”

“This is why I didn’t want the media here…”

“Mr Stark-”

“Enough!” I’m on the verge of tears when someone calls out. Pepper’s mother storms her way on stage and goes to the lectern. “You should be ashamed of yourselves! My daughter is dead, and you’re just trying to get the latest scoop!” Security starts moving to remove people while she scolds them. It reminds me of Pepper, and it hurts deeper when she turns to look at me with tears in her eyes.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for this-”

“No, Anthony, you never do mean for anything to happen, do you?”

“I’m sorry, I-”

“If Pepper had just never met you, she’d be alive. She was a bright, talented, hardworking young girl. You stole her life from her.” I can’t counter, and she walks back to her seat. I introduce a choir and slip off to the bathroom. Locking the door behind me, I slide back against it and pray that the choir is loud enough to cover the sound of me banging my head against it. Maybe I should’ve gotten an orchestra- no, Pepper hated when I did impractical and outlandish displays of affection. That would be like the customized big bunny I got her but for her funeral. Oh, god, it’s her funeral… it’s her funeral. She’s dead.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” Pressing the heels of my palms against my eyes, I felt like a kid. Hiding in the bathroom, having a tantrum, even though it was my own fault that things weren’t going right. I don’t deserve to mourn, I don’t deserve to cry or feel sorry for myself. I did this. I killed her. Everyone out there thinks the same, it’s written all over their faces. I couldn’t go out there like this, I can’t cry publicly. I need to take responsibility and act like an adult.

Fuck, how do you act like an adult? How was I supposed to do that without Pepper? How was I going to do anything without Pepper? How long has it been since I’ve even done anything without Pepper? She was everything. She was my whole world, the one person I wanted to protect the most. I just… she can’t really be gone, right? There has to be something- some weird space magic? Thor’s a god, what about him? Gods… do things… maybe. “What am I going to do? Oh my god.” Taking a deep breath in, I tried to steady my breathing, but ended up just screaming into my hands, sobbing loudly and disgustingly.

I spend a solid half hour crying in the bathroom like a teenager who got stood up on prom night. The media is gone when I come back, and Rhodey immediately is at my side. The choir is humming lowly while we make our way back to everyone else.

“How do I look?”

“Like a mess.” Fair enough.

“Well, all things considered.” I straighten my shoulders and lift my head. What’s the appropriate posture for this situation? I can feel everyone’s eyes on me, but they should be on her. Saying prayers, singing hymns, going to the grave site, lowering the casket- eyes on me, waiting for a reaction. “Last chance to pop out and yell at me, honey.” I watch them shovel dirt, and I stand there until they fill it all the way up. Until it’s all covered up, and she’s gone. Another hand on my shoulder. This is not as comforting as people seem to think it is.

“Tony…” Steven. “It’s hard, I know that, but it’s going to be okay.” I’m going to lose it if he keeps going. “I lost Peggy, too, when I went into the ice. I woke up with nothing, all my friends were gone. I watched them bury her. I know what you’re going through.”

“No, you don’t.” I turn to shove him away from me, but I end up being the one who steps back. He’s like a fucking tree, all sturdy and unmoveable unless you uproot him. “You don’t get it, Cap. You lost Peggy because you went into the ice. You were protecting her and everyone, you were a hero. You saved her, Steve. She died from old age. Pepper is dead because I couldn’t protect her. She doesn’t get to have a full life, she doesn’t get to grow old. So, no, you don’t know what I’m going through.”

“I lost people before the ice, it was war-”

“But this isn’t, Steve! I’ve told you before, we aren’t soldiers! Pepper least of all! That woman is- was- tough as nails, but she was the innocent people you care so much about. You didn’t believe me when I said we needed preventative measures, you were worried people would get hurt because I was too overzealous and here’s where that got us, Captain!” I’m shaking, the veins on my face close to bursting, desperately trying not to cry.

Steve just looks at me like he wants to say something. I wait, try to let him get an apology out, but he doesn’t say anything. He never does. Somehow, he never has to. He never has to apologize, he’s Captain America, after all. He’s right, always right, because he’s the Captain America. He’s the beautiful, perfect, all American man who can do no wrong. I’m just the loose cannon, the reckless one. No one forgives me, certainly not myself, but everyone forgives him. Only one of us is allowed to make a mistake, but I’m always the one who loses something because of it. He just stares at me, looking hurt, and how dare he? As if he’s the one who saw his girlfriend die in a fire.

More hands on my shoulders, I turn and brush them off. Rhodey keeps his hand out, like I’m a wild animal. “Tony, come on. It’s been a long day, let’s go home.”

“Home? Home? She’s my home, Rhodes, and that,” I point to the fresh grave. “That should be my home, not hers. She didn’t deserve this. Out of everyone who has ever lived on this godforsaken planet, Pepper-” I choke up, closing my eyes. This feels worse than an anxiety attack. Or maybe I’ve been having one all day and have just been dragging through it. I look to where Happy is parked, waiting outside the car looking as much a disaster as I do. I yell at him to go home, take a month or ten off. He doesn’t budge, I motion with my hands to try and get him to understand, but nothing changes. Everyone is watching me, waiting on me. This day was supposed to be about Pepper, and it’s somehow about me.

Her mother was right, Pepper would’ve been so much better off without me. Everyone would be, frankly. Steve, Rhodey, Happy- everyone waiting around for me, looking at me with pity, would be so much better off if it weren’t for me. Just thinking about it makes me feel exhausted. A familiar voice calls me, and I’m thankful at least someone isn’t reassuringly grabbing my shoulder.

“I’ll give you a ride.” Looking at Natasha, I relax a little. “Unless you’re planning to gear up and fly out of here.” I want to, but I don’t know if I’d ever land. Maybe I’d just fly myself out of the atmosphere, die in space like I should have. Maybe I should’ve just died in that cave instead of Yinsen. Maybe there isn’t a reason I’m alive aside from pure luck, or a sick joke. Maybe being alive wasn’t a second chance for me, but a chance for karma to run its course for all of the sins I’ve committed.

“Take me somewhere else. Don’t take me back to my house, and not Clint’s place, either.” I follow her to her bike, take a seat on the back, wrap my arms around her waist, and close my eyes while my helmet rests against her back. We drive for a while, occasionally stopping for me to have mini breakdowns on the side of the road, and eventually get to some sort of beach house. The sand reminds me of Afghanistan, the sea reminds me of getting my house blown up.

“We’re borrowing this place, so don’t make a mess.”

“Who, me?” My voice comes out distracted and disinterested.

“It’s Fury’s, he told me to bring you here if you were losing it. You’re not looking too hot, so I thought I’d play it safe.” It’s a lot of wood, completely different from the metal and glass I’m used to. The change of scenery is nice, but I know I’m not here because it’s a comfortable place to unwind.

“To keep an eye on me.” I scan the room briefly for cameras, easily picking them up even without my glasses. “Was this place shield?” No, apparently not. “It’s got the same shitty security set up.”

“Well, it’s no Stark tech.”

“Yeah, well… Stark tech didn’t do Pepper any good.” Silence hangs heavy in the air, and I see her walk closer to me. “I swear to god, if you put your hand on my shoulder, I’m going to lose it.”

“A lot of that, huh?”

“Everyone-” I pause when she hugs me. “What are you doing?”

“Isn’t this how you comfort someone in mourning?”

“This feels weird.”

“I’m a fighter, not a hugger.” Natasha lets go, and we both stand there awkwardly. “I’m not doing that again.”

“I mean, I appreciate the effort. It was a lot better than Steve’s shoulder rub ‘it’s not your fault’ and Pep’s Mom saying flat out Pepper would’ve lived a long life if she never met me. As far as interactions with someone in mourning, you’re at the top of the list.”

“...It was all of our faults, not just your’s. You don’t have to carry that weight on your own. We’re all responsible.” I look away, exhaling out my nose. That’s probably the most reassuring thing anyone has said to me since this happened, even though it’s not true. This was my home, my turf, the love of my life. Regardless of anything else that was happening, I should’ve been able to protect her. How many people have died because of my carelessness? Hundreds? Pepper was just further proof that I destroy everything I try to protect.

“Can I just… you’re not obligated to stay.”

“I know.”

“...You’re not under orders to stay, are you?”

“I’m not.”

“Then why are you here?”

“I’m here as a friend.”

“We’re not friends, we’re coworkers.”

“Close enough.” I scoff, unable to keep from smiling a little when she says it.

“Thanks, Romanoff. I’ll be okay, I just… I just need some time. I gotta… process, I guess. Lay low, clear my head.” Not that I’ve ever been particularly good at that, but I really could do without… other people for a while. I don’t even really want to put on my glasses or activate JARVIS. I manage to chase Natasha away, getting this… salty, wooden house to myself.

“Alright.” I say to no one. “Alcohol.” I know I shouldn’t, Pepper definitely wouldn’t want me drinking. Digging around, it doesn’t take long for me to find where Fury keeps his bourbon, and I promptly drown myself in it. There’s practically no electronics in the house, leaving me with nothing but my thoughts and the sound of waves. Putting on my glasses, I stare up at the ceiling from where I’m nursing a bottle while laid out on the couch.

“Lets see some headlines.” Stark this, Stark that. Stark’s girlfriend, Stark industries CEO. Stark, Stark, Stark. At least use her name, assholes. “And they used to act like I was the villain.” Oh, look at that. Pictures of me clearly mid meltdown in some pictures, and me looking cold and uncaring in others. It’s amazing how the words attached to one picture can change an image’s meaning. Stark at girlfriend’s funeral, can we really trust a man who can’t hold his composure at such a somber event?

“Show me- show me. Show me the footage from that night.” I take a long drink, and drop the empty bottle on the floor next to me. I watch it over and over again. Pepper at the office as usual, going through different meetings. Then, the building evacuation, the fire in one of the labs. The footage goes fuzzy, then black. Everything I scan, everything I try to access for the recording, it’s black. “Fast forward... Aaand stop.” One, two seconds, the camera flickers back on. The building is burning, the emergency systems aren’t working anymore. Pepper is on one of the middle floors of the building. How could the building be burning that hot? “Zoom… enhance.” And there’s Pepper, stuck under a collapsed wall. Something must have hit it from the inside, there’s no coverage showing an attack from the outside. Something exploded, maybe? My chest hurts as I watch her struggle, she pulls at her stuck leg, there’s no audio but I can hear her screaming. I can read her lips, she’s crying for help. She reaches across from her and manages to get her purse, pulling out her phone.

Call Tony!

I force myself to keep watching. She screams it repeatedly, shaking the phone a few times before chucking it across the room. That woman had such a good arm… Pepper puts her head down for a few seconds before continuing. She’s so determined, but she can’t get free. At this point, even if she survived, they would’ve had to amputate her leg. I could have made her a really good prosthetic, supported her in physical therapy... something on fire drops from the ceiling, and the room lights up. I can almost feel the flames myself before the camera cuts out on a glitchy image of Pepper screaming.

I set my glasses down on the table, having them project the image onto a wall, replaying it while I make myself five or ten more drinks. I lose track of how many times I watch it, how many drinks I have, how many times I jerk myself awake from my drunk couch stupor because I hear her calling for me in the back of my mind. The sun sets and rises, I turn it off around 5am and drag myself to the actual bed.

When I wake up properly, I nearly scream for a different reason. Seeing someone in the chair across from me, I grab the bottle I carried with me to defend myself.

“What’re you gonna do with that, huh? You’re in bed, Tony, you have a terrible angle.” I sigh loudly, dropping back into the bed.

“Rhodey, you scared the shit out of me. What if I had swung at you?” Kick my ass, apparently. “Why are you here? I’m not in the mood for a pep talk without their namesake being here.”

“I’m worried about you, everyone is.” I’m really not in the mood for this, either. “Come on, let’s get some fresh air.” I allow him to pull me up and support me. My head is spinning and pounding, I hate the bright sun and the warm air. Rhodey practically just drags me around the beach until my legs remember how walking works, after that is coffee with a bit of hair of the dog, then I’m pushed into the shower to clean up. Stripping out from my disheveled suit, I stumble under the hot water and rest my forehead against the tiles.

Everyone but her. Everyone but her survived. What was she doing the time the screens were offline? What was anyone doing? How could the security and emergency measures have not worked? How did everyone but her get out? The one day I’m out of the country and Happy is at his cousin’s wedding, the Stark Industries building has a massive fire that destroys ten floors in the center of the building. Fuck, Happy… he must feel like shit. I should- I should do something for him. What could I do? He’s probably feeling as guilty as I do… but, honestly… I’m glad he wasn’t there. If I’d lost both of them… I need a drink. Changing the water to be cold, I finish washing up, using what’s there to shave before getting redressed in my slacks and undershirt.

“Go home, Colonel.” Digging out some mysterious clear liquid that smelled like alcohol, I wave at Rhodey in the main room. “Go on, tell the others I’m fine. I’m just… I don’t know, taking a little vacation.”

“It’s not even two in the afternoon, Tony, put down the bottle.”

“It’s clear, it’s water.”

“I can smell it from here.”

“Everyone grieves differently.”

“This isn’t grieving, it’s self destructing.”

“Oh, is it? I don’t know, I’m feeling pretty grief-y.” Oh, that is moonshine. I nearly choke on it, but manage to keep it together. Rhodey gives me a look that crawls under my skin. I hate it, Pepper gave me that look, too. The ‘cut the bullshit’ look, the ‘I care about you and you’re being an idiot’ look. “I really want to be left alone for a while.” I haven’t killed Rhodey yet, but I am the reason he’s walking around here with robot legs. My stomach lurches at the memory of him dropping out of the sky, and it takes everything in me to not vomit in the sink.

“You remember the last time you drank like this? I kicked your ass to Another One Bites the Dust.”

“Sorry, who kicked whose ass?”

“Do you really want to go through that again? I don’t want to see you spiral out of control.”

“It was inconvenient, I know.”

“It was stupid, but I was worried. I was there for you, then and now, because I care about you, Tony. I’m always here for you.”

“Well, don’t let me stop you from leaving.”

“I’m here because I want to be.” Taking a deep breath in, I look away, flexing my jaw. “Tony, if I didn’t care about you- if none of us cared about you- we wouldn’t have stuck with you this long. It’s not just because you’re the smartest guy in the room, if it were, we would just keep it professional. I’ve known you since we were practically kids, dude, your little punk ass was useless to me at that age.”

“Hey! Hey, that’s not true. I got you out of trouble all the time.”

“Because you’re the one who got me there in the first place!” That’s true.

“Okay… okay, do the thing.”

“What… what are you talking about?”

“I’m in mourning. Natasha tried giving me a hug, I wanna see if you can top that. I don’t have underwear on, if that speeds things up.” Man, Rhodey makes the same unamused face Pep used to make. “Want me to take it out for you?”

“You’ll get a hug, okay? Just a regular hug, after you put underwear on, I don’t need any surprises.”

“The underwear is dirty, Rhodey, you have to hug me without it. I don’t have any clean clothes here.”

“I’ll get you some.”

“And leave me here unhugged? What happened to that speech about being friends?”

“Don’t make me take it back.” I laugh when he threatens me and starts walking away, and for a second my heart doesn’t feel so devastatingly empty. “You better stay put, or I swear to god I’ll put an ankle monitor on you.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, buddy.” The door closes behind him, and I take a seat with the moonshine and glasses. “Lets see the news, huh?” More of the same, more about Stark Industry and myself than about Pepper. How about we do a shot each time my name is in the headline, or a picture of me is used instead of Pepper when talking about her.

This drinking game very quickly ends up being a mistake, and not an hour later I am violently vomiting into the toilet. This stuff cannot be legal. I feel like I just drank a bottle of shoe cleaner. Oh, fuck, I hope I don’t have alcohol poisoning. Oh my god, maybe it’ll do me a favor and kill me. You can die from that, right? That’ll be a headline to cheers to. Tony Stark Drinks Himself to Death. An ending everyone’s seen coming, an ending I deserved since before Iron Man. Death by drink. There are worse ways to go. Like being crushed and burning to death at your job.

When I stop vomiting, I crawl my way into the kitchen. There’s no food… Where are my glasses? “Call Rhodey, oh my god I’m gonna vomit again. Rhodey! Please bring food with my clothes. Thank you. I love you buddy, I mean it. I didn’t say that to Pep enough… ” I’ll never get to say it to her again, either. “Fuck, I miss her. Pepper would’ve loved this little beach… shack. She hated all of my extravagant shit. I don’t know how she liked me, I’m extravagant even without all of the bells and whistles. I should’ve done more for her, Rhodes. I should’ve married her sooner, I should’ve- I should’ve bought her a quiet house to live in. I should’ve made sure her fucking wake didn’t have press in it. Even right at the very end, I failed her. Fuck. Fuck.”

Tossing the glasses on the table, I put my face between my knees and lock my fingers behind my neck. I couldn’t even give her a nice funeral. I need… I need a drink. I need another drink. Just something to stop the shaking. Something to stop the racing thoughts, something to dull it. I just need to slow down. Just… Pepper wouldn’t like it, but she’s not here. Not anymore, not ever again.

“What’s one more disappointment, right, Pep?”

I drink to the silence.


	2. Chapter 2

I wake up in, apparently, a new day. I’m in bed, which I didn’t remember falling asleep in, with the same clothes on, and I can hear Rhodey’s voice in another room. I call out to him, and I hear him say goodbye to whoever he was on the phone with. He walks in looking judgmental, and I groan.

“How long have I been out?”

“Couple hours. You were awake for a while, kind of. You threw up a lot, I had to carry you into bed.”

“Oh, what a gentleman. Hey, be a sweetheart, can you bring me some gluten free toast and like… twenty ibuprofen? Also, turn off the lights.”

“The lights aren’t on, that’s the sun through the blinds.”

“Well turn that off.” The blanket is ripped off me, and I groan as he starts hauling me out of bed.

“We’re getting you some air. Same thing as yesterday, except now you can put on that underwear after your shower.” I’m up, outside, I vomit, we walk.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think I’m the one who needs robot legs.” I want a drink. “Did you bring food?” Enough to last a week, same with clothes, a laptop. Enough to keep me occupied. I’m warned not to do anything stupid since he brought me the laptop, and I don’t think I’ve ever not done something stupid. Everything I’ve ever done has been building off something stupid. We dredge around the beach before making it back inside. I make us breakfast, barely, after I shower and get changed.

“Happy called the other day.”

“Oh, yeah? How was he?”

“He called you, Tony, to check on you. I tried to talk to him but you locked yourself in the bathroom with the phone and just kept promising him you’d compensate him for anything he wants.”

“Did it sound good? Like, did I sound like I was sympathetic to his needs?”

“You were crying the whole time.”

“So...yes?” Rhodey gives me The Look, and I sip my coffee. “You should be with Happy, not me.”

“I’m less afraid of Happy drinking himself to death.”

“Aw, you’re scared for me?” Another look. “I’m fine, it’s out of my system. I gotta get back to work, I’m CEO again, I guess.”

“Tony-”

“Maybe I should promote Happy. He’d probably be a better CEO, right? CEO and forehead of security, that sounds like a pretty solid deal… You know what, you’re right, that doesn’t make sense. Hey, I could just have JARVIS run it! He’s, like, human enough, right? The other shareholders, that haven’t jumped ship already, would probably be into it… no? No good, huh? Fuck. How did I run that place before?”

“Not well.” Not helpful.

“What about- What about you? You wanna be CEO?”

“Tony.”

“You’d be great.”

“I don’t want to.”

“What about Harley? I told you about him, remember? He’s bright. He’s, you know, ten, but I could make it work. Have him, his Mom, his sister all move in from Tennessee. Probably solve the bullying problem. We could homeschool him, even, cater it to his needs. He built an awesome potato gun, really impressive little workshop for a kid. Reminds me of me if I were… you know.”

“Poor?”

“Yeah.”

“Tony, you cannot make a child CEO.”

“Not with that attitude.”

“You’re going to have to run it yourself.” I look at him reluctantly. I really… don’t want to. Pepper was so much better than me, really, in every way. I’m a disaster, Rhodey doesn’t even know I put vodka in my coffee, I can’t run a whole business again. I’m a designer, a presenter, a- a- a symbol.

“Oh my god, that’s it.”

“What- what’s it?”

“A symbol. I’m- I’m a face, a human face. That’s what people want to see. JARVIS could run the company, he’s in line with my morals since I created him, I’d just, you know, show my face. Jazz things up a bit when I need to, sign documents after he approves them. It’s genius, he’ll have fun and he doesn’t have an ego so he won’t care that I get the credit. You know what else I should do? I’m sick of seeing all these people talk about me. Me, me, me- normally I love it, you know, it’s not bad being the center of attention. But this is about Pepper. Pepper…” My throat sticks suddenly, and I pause long enough that Rhodey kind of waves at me to get my attention back.

“It’s, um…” About Pepper. It’s about Pepper. “It’s…” Rubbing my face with my free hand, I try to focus. My brain is running a million miles a second. I need something to take the edge off, coffee is- I’m- it’s too much. Something to take the edge off… fuck, I just told Rhodey I wasn’t going to drink. I gotta start filling water bottles with clear alcohol or something. Thermoses with brown alcohol, bottles with clear. Something- something to take the edge off. Fuck, I can’t focus. What was I saying? Pepper! Pepper. Pepper.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah! Yeah, yeah. Yeah.” Cracking my neck, I shake out my shoulders. “Stark Industries. I should change it. I’m- I’m thinking Potts Industries. I’m tired of seeing my name all over the place when she deserves more credit. She’s the reason we even stayed functioning as long as we did. I thought about Pepper Industries, but that makes us sound like we sell vegetables. I should… I should probably… ask her family first- or! Or I could just apologize after, if they don’t like it.”

“Yeah, because Pepper loved that.” I pause. He’s right, Pepper hated that. That whole, do first apologize later. I was never good at listening when I was told not to do something, though. Plus, wouldn’t that be the perfect way to honor her? Name the company after her?

“Or I could change my last name to Potts. You know, I always thought about that. I thought that, when we got married, maybe I would take her name. Anthony Edward Potts. Then our kids would be Potts, too. Growing up with the name Stark wasn’t always easy, a lot of pressure… I don’t know, maybe it’s…” better that we never had kids. “Anyway, I’m just thinking out loud.”

“Tony, you know you don’t have to do some big grand gesture to honor Pepper. Would she have wanted some big thing?”

“She liked when I blew up all of those Iron Man suits.”

“Couldn’t you just honor her by taking better care of yourself? It’s what she would’ve wanted. That woman loved you, Tony, she would want you to be healthy and happy.” The past tense, the idea of having kids, a wedding; it has me chugging the rest of my spiked coffee.

“I am healthy. I could beat you at arm wrestling.”

“First of all, no you’re not. Second, no you couldn’t.”

“Really? Come on, I’ll do it right now.” I set down the mug and go over to him, propping my elbow up on the table. Rhodey looks at me like I’m an idiot, and I wiggle my fingers. “Don’t leave me hanging. Or are you scared I’ll win?”

“You’re being ridiculous right now.” But he still arm wrestles me, and I still win. “This doesn’t prove anything.”

“Of course it does, Colonel. Maybe do a few more pull-ups, keep your legs on to add a couple extra pounds, huh? Anyway, I gotta get to work. You’re distracting me, go home.” Opening up my laptop, I flop down on the couch with it.

“Oh, I’m distracting you? You think I don’t have work to do, other than hanging out with my best friend to make sure his drunk ass doesn’t die from alcohol poisoning?” So you can die from it.

“Thank you, James. My darling. My favorite person in the world.” I bat my eyelashes at him, putting my hands in prayer position. “Now please let me work. I’m not gonna drink, I have way too much stuff to do while sober.” But nothing that I can’t do drunk.

Rhodey looks like he doesn’t really believe me, but he leaves. I wait about ten minutes before I’m collecting more alcohol, and then looking through things on my laptop. Stocks are… surprisingly good. Incredibly good, almost. That’s ridiculous, the building was attacked and Pepper died. Why are they fine? Usually after more minor things they drop and I get yelled at for a half hour by shareholders.

Maybe Stark will go back to weapons now.

“Seriously?” That’s why they’re good? Because they think I’m going to go back to weapons?

They’re saying it was a terrorist attack, right? They killed his girlfriend.

Who exactly is saying that? Opening different media outlet pages, I… it’s not hard to find. It’s gossip, rumor. There are no official statements. Fuck, I still have to figure out what happened… turning on my glasses as well, I pull up the different video feeds inside the building. There’s nothing. Everything looks fine, normal. There’s no particularly dangerous looking tests going on, or signs of an intruder. The outside cameras don’t show anything- everything outside looks fine until the fire really spreads and windows start breaking. But every camera on those floors go out at the same time, and only a few come back on after.

Taking a few shots, I pace around the room, the videos still playing in the background. No sound, only a few cameras stayed on… what are the chances that Pepper is in the room where one works and I can see her? A hack job? Someone wanted me to see it, and they added those other cameras coming back on to throw me off? Why not leave the cameras on longer? Let me see the part where she gets trapped in the first place, see why she never got out during the evacuations. Why did the room nearby blow up? If they were aiming to hurt her, then why not blow her up? Making her suffer, sure, but…

“Fuck, I don’t get it.” Am I overthinking it? Maybe something inside the facility happened and it really was an accident? Maybe it was a terrorist? But there were no- no signs or anything. Nothing to mark it as an attack, no claim. I need another drink.

Taking a break, I look up Harley, but… well, I guess I can’t really… you know, make a ten year old the CEO. Maybe if I made Happy, Rhodey, and Harley all the CEO, it would work out. Happy is a good babysitter, Rhodey has common sense, Harley is kind of like a smaller me. Right up to the Daddy issues... I never met his mother, I hope she’s nice. Pepper would’ve been an incredible mother. She was so patient, kind, understanding.

But it’s probably better that we didn’t… Pepper would’ve been incredible, for sure, but… I... Fuck. Fuck! I’m drinking like my Father, I wouldn’t- I wouldn’t be- I’m not fit to be a Dad. Especially if we had kids and Pepper died after. What would I even do? I need Rhodey to babysit me, I can’t raise a child. I’m a wreck. I need to go home. Sitting here drinking isn’t helping anything.

But if I go home, she’s not going to be there.

I don’t have kids, anyway.

What’s one more shot?

I wake up on my own in the middle of the night, hunched over the kitchen island. I wonder if I should go to bed… Rhodey would probably be proud if he found me in a bed this time. Shit, I don’t know if or when he’s showing up. I have to… make it look like I didn’t get drunk. I should probably put the booze away… or, I could finish it all and throw out the empty bottles. That plan sounds better. Why does Fury have this much alcohol, anyway? Does he hold his shield house parties here?

Finishing off the alcohol I’d taken out, I barely made it outside to the garbage. Putting the bottles in there, I stare out at the beach. Drowning… wouldn’t be so bad, right? Definitely better than burning alive. I’ve almost drowned a handful of times, some of which in the Iron Man suit. It was a lot more peaceful than all the other ways I’ve come close to death, that’s for sure. I find myself walking out to the water, getting my feet wet. I stumble around, try calling the armor to me, but it doesn’t come. Too far… tch. If I’m not in the armor, my body would just float up somewhere. That would be a headline.

Making my way back inside, I make it to the bathroom and draw a bath, grabbing a water bottle to put near me so I look like I’m less of an alcoholic. Laying down in the warm water, still in my clothes, I rest my neck on the edge of the tub and hang one leg off the side. This is nice… warm. Closing my eyes, I let myself relax in it. Pepper would’ve loved a nice bath, some champagne. Rose petals and bath salts… music… I’d give her a shoulder rub before going a little… further… down…

Opening my eyes, I sighed and looked up at the ceiling. I’m too drunk to get my dick hard, and I don’t have the emotional capacity to not cry if I jack off thinking about my dead girlfriend. I drain the tub, strip off my clothes and throw myself into bed. Horniness aside… I’m not used to being alone like this anymore. With the other half of the bed empty. The sheets don’t even smell like her because they aren’t our sheets, I can’t hold her or feel her holding me. I won’t ever get those things with Pepper again.

I can’t get back to sleep, so I drag myself back to the kitchen. “Fuck… I really drank it all.” Well, hopefully Nick won’t notice… oh, the cameras. If he cared he’d come stop me himself. “Consider it a bereavement gift, Fury.” Grabbing my glasses, I start playing the surveillance again. I really need better footage. Let’s try looking at social media for that day… some of the college interns must have pulled out their phone at some point… I spend long enough on this that the sun comes up.

“Tony… what are you doing?” Looking over as Rhodey walked in the door, I motion at my laptop.

“Research.”

“Naked?”

“Yeah, well…” I took a bath in my clothes, took them off, and then was too drunk to bother getting redressed. “Thought I’d change it up. Maybe doing something different will help me find something different.”

“How’s that working out?”

“Not great. I can’t find anything. Whoever did this really knew what they were doing, it must’ve been someone in the facility, I know that much. Someone had to have gotten in unnoticed. Someone on a tour, an intern, someone we hired. I need to get back home, look everything over, talk to HR. I need to go to the site, see what I can find.”

“You really think that’s a good idea?”

“..Yeah?” Why wouldn’t it be?

“Really? Tony, I know you got drunk after I left.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“...You think you’re in any state to go see it? Like this?”

“Like, naked?”

“More like emotionally naked.”

“I can put on some emotional clothes. What do you think, Armani or metal?” A disapproving look. “I could do my Led Zeppelin shirt?”

“Okay, first of all, the building still hasn’t been cleared to have people inside.”

“I’ll clear it myself.” Getting up, I start to collect my things, Rhodey groaning and looking away. “James, I know you want to look at my ass, it’s okay. I’ve looked at your ass.”

“Don’t look at my ass.”

“Then turn back toward me, honey bear, you know I can’t resist.”

“Tony, listen! You’re just going to upset yourself, you could barely do the funeral, I don’t think you can do the site.”

“I’ll go without you.”

“How? Do you even know where we’re at?” I scoff. “How you gonna get there? You gonna walk?”

“Sure, until I’m close enough to get my armor. Nat drove me here, it’s not like I’m on an island. It can’t be as bad as roughing it in Afghanistan with shrapnel in my chest. You know I’m going to do it, Rhodey. You can help me and come with, or I can do this on my own. Your choice.” I watch him sigh and shake his head, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Put clothes on, then we’ll go.” Not wasting any time, I take myself to the bedroom and get changed, throwing all my things together in the case Rhodey brought them in. “It’s my car, I’m driving.”

“Okay, but if you start taking me someplace else, I’m summoning the armor and breaking your window.”

The car ride is quiet, but not uncomfortable. I watch the scenery pass, stick my head out the window to feel the wind. Rhodey is definitely right, even if I’m not going to listen to him. I don’t know how I’m going to feel being at the house or at the building, if I want Rhodes with me or not, or what I’m even going to do there. Playing it by ear will hopefully be fine. Maybe Jarvis will have something for me when we get back, something I don’t have on me now. A different channel, a backup drive, a recovery or something. There has to be something, no one can bomb a building, especially my building, and leave no trace.

We stop at the house first, I go straight to the workshop. “Wake up, Jarvis, I’m home.”

“Hello, sir.”

“Route all data from the tower records into my suit. I need to see it and be able to play in it when I get there.”

“Tony, I really think that’s a bad idea.” Rhodey grabs my arm and I shrug him off.

“Yeah, where’s your armor, buddy?”

“I can’t just carry around the War Machine suit, Tony. That would be like asking if I could take a tank out.”

“...Huh. Well, you can’t get in, then. It’s not safe, right?” Suiting up quickly, I grab the helmet as the update completes. “Guess I’ll have to go alone.”

“Tony, no, don’t you just blast off and leave me here.”

“Use your key to lock up, okay? I don’t want this place getting blown up, too.” And, we’re off. “Jarvis, I need you to work on the surveillance videos. See if you can get sound, another camera on, anything. There’s gotta be something.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I want everything else, too. Every chat message, email, phone call, search history… I want everything on Pepper’s phone once I dig it out of the wreckage. Also, have a delivery to the house. Alcohol, the nice stuff I used to get.”

“Sir… may I remind you your promise to Miss Potts?” The promise to cut down on alcohol and act like a responsible adult?

“You may not remind me. Pepper can remind me herself.”

“...Sir, Miss Potts-”

“I know, that’s the point. Leave me alone for a little bit.” Getting to the building, I start on the outside, scanning and analyzing every inch. Nothing noteworthy, the windows that are broken are definitely from being blown out from the inside. The floors are collapsed, a lot of machinery wreckage. The floor Pepper was on is completely decimated, they found her body two floors lower.

“Okay, well. No time like the present, I guess.” Superimposing the video through hologram, I hover above the wreckage and watch it play out. Something different, something different… One at a time. I’ll watch each person one at a time. It’s going to take a while, we have so many people going in and out of here, even just focusing on the floors that were damaged most. The cameras going dark doesn’t help at all, leaving too much of a gap.

Definitely need to find the phone. This is gonna hurt. Activating the hologram and starting from the time stamp I memorized, I watch as the flames light up and Pepper reaches for her purse. I watch her struggle up close, I can see the tears and mascara streaks. God, she looks terrified. She gets the phone, tries to call me for help. I should’ve made her a better phone, maybe I could’ve gotten to her in time. The Iron Man is fast, I could’ve made it back from Dubai and gotten here. Probably. At least I would’ve known. At least I could have gotten here to do something, maybe find someone, there has to be something I could’ve done. Every death is avoidable.

Rummaging around in the rocks that were under where the phone was thrown, I managed to find what was probably a phone at some point. It’s absolutely destroyed, which isn’t a surprise. I could still try to salvage it later, or at least part of it, see if it was too broken to call me or if someone made it so she couldn’t call me. I manage to find her purse, too, sort of. It also wasn’t in great shape. I spend the next while watching the video over and over again, isolating different parts of it and digging in the rubble.

“Sir, James Rhodes is calling.”

“Put him through. Hey, did you remember to lock the back door?”

“Tony, I’m at the building. Land yourself down here.”

“Uh, no. Why don’t you come up here? Oh, right, only one of us personally owns their flying outfit. You could take the stairs, the elevator is broken. It’s only, like, thirty flights.”

“Come down, you shouldn’t be doing that alone.”

“Hey, do you have any expertise in melted phones? I think I found Pepper’s and it’s in pretty bad shape. She was trying to call me, but I can’t tell if the phone was too broken already or if there was a different issue. Maybe something with the software, it was Stark tech and they managed to wreak havoc on our security as it is.”

“You’re better off just looking at your system itself, not a broken phone.”

“Yeah, but if I find something on the phone, that means someone planned to kill Pepper specifically. She’s the only casualty, there’s got to be a reason. Someone knew I was out, Happy was out, how our security system works, smart enough to find our blind spots. This could’ve been going on for months and we didn’t notice it. There’s no way someone could’ve done this in just one day.”

Unless it was Jarvis, maybe, or me… actually, Jarvis would be the perfect fit for this. If anyone could keep information from me like this, it was him. God, I almost wish it was him. It would be so much easier to handle that then have to hunt for someone.

“Jarvis, you didn’t kill Pepper, did you?”

“Of course not, sir.”

“Tony, you can’t be serious.”

“I’m just joking around.” Kind of. Maybe Jarvis did it, but didn’t know he did it. If someone managed to hack into Jarvis, that would be… well, impossible. I’m going crazy. Just to make sure, I’ll look at him later and make sure everything is still in order. I must’ve gotten too lax somewhere, maybe it was him. But how would they even access Jarvis? They would’ve needed to be in my house for that, and that means bypassing my home security, which they would’ve already needed to access Jarvis for. Unless Jarvis did it himself, which is impossible. I really need to get it together, I need to focus.

“Rhodey, go home.” Hanging up, I get back to digging, picking up scraps of projects here and there to go back over whatever was being worked on in the rooms that were destroyed. There’s not much I can salvage, if just proven by the fact that I can comfortably carry all of it back to the house in one trip. I fiddle with the phone for a while in the workshop, but it’s useless. Nothing else is helpful, either. I go through the databases, the records of all of the projects. Spending hours going through it, over it, inside and out of it. I dig around in Jarvis’ files, find nothing. Our security, nothing. Our emergency measures, nothing. The fire starts small, in a room no one is in, from a wire shortage. A spark that caught some papers on fire, but the alarms and sprinklers don’t go off. Now, why?

“Sir, I’ve recovered audio from the incident.”

“Play it.”

“...Sir, I should warn you-”

“I said play it, Jarvis. Sync it with the video, show it to me. I need something new.”

“...Yes, sir.” The video flickering on, I crossed my arm over my chest and held my chin in my hand. I really didn’t want it to be this part that had audio. I really, really didn’t. I didn’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear it, but I need to. I need to. Pepper screaming for help, screaming trying to get a hold of me. It hurt… my chest hurts, I feel sick. I want to vomit. My jaw clenches, I force myself to keep my eyes on the video, I catch her say something I didn’t notice before.

Please, Tony… Please…

“Turn- Turn it off. Turn it off!” Standing up quickly, I run my hands through my hair. “Jarvis, where’s that delivery? It’s taking too long, I need a drink.”

“It should arrive in twenty-six minutes, sir.” Too long. Too long, that’s too long.

“Handle it when it gets here, I’m going out.” Taking off in the suit, I drop by a cheap dive-bar. Pepper’s voice rings in my ears but I can still hear the whispers when the suit is off and I’m inside. I can feel everyone’s eyes boring into me. “Give me a bottle of- of something. I don’t care. Something dark.”

“Mr Stark… I’m so sorry to hear about you girlfri-”

“Pepper. Her name is Pepper.” Was. “She was her own person, she wasn’t just my girlfriend. At least call her Virginia, for christ sake.” Taking the bottle and throwing down the bills, I leave just as quick as I arrived and take off. I land… somewhere. A park. Shed the armor, find a bench, deep breaths. Fuck, fuck, fuck… Fuck. I can’t breathe. Take the edge off, take the edge off, take the edge off. Just a few sips, steady myself. God, get it out of my head.

“Tony?”


	3. Chapter 3

“I’m not in the mood, whoever you are.”

“It’s Steve.”

“I’m really not in the mood, then.” Don’t touch me. Don’t put your hand on my shoulder again, Steven, or I’m going to rip it off. I hear him get closer. “Rogers, I’m not kidding. If you come any closer to me right now, I’ll lose it. Why are you even here?”

“I was jogging. What are you doing here?”

“I’m… sitting.”

“With the armor.”

“It’s keeping me company.”

“And a bottle of… whiskey?”

“Yeah. Why are you jogging this late at night?”

“Couldn’t sleep.” Makes two of us.

“Well, don’t let me keep you.” I flinch when he puts a hand on my shoulder, nearly calling the armor over.

“Let me take you home, Tony.”

“I don’t need a chaperone, I’m a grown man.”

“You’re drunk.”

“Not yet, trying to be.”

“Tony-”

“Can you- can you not be so- so- so condescending? Can you not treat me like a child, you know, for once? I get it, we all get it. I’m out of control, immature, a ticking time bomb. You’re Mr Right, Mr Perfect. I got it, Cap, so can you please let me drink on this park bench in peace, without your hand on my fucking shoulder?” I hear him sigh and pull his hand away, the frustration evident just from the energy coming off of him.

Instead of leaving, he sits next to me. I really, really want to get up and leave, but my legs won’t move. What I do instead, is chug straight from the bottle.

“I’m not trying to be condescending.” Interesting how he says that, but there’s no apology. “It’s… I’m here for you. We all are, Tony.”

“I can clean up my own messes.”

“It’s not your own mess.”

“Oh, right, what is it Natasha said? It’s a group mess? We’re all at fault? Or was it no one’s fault, I can’t quite remember. Tell me, which of us was it who had the love of their life murdered?”

“That doesn’t make it your fault. Whether it was an accident, or someone did it, it’s not like you personally killed her.”

“It’s my building, my security system failed. Something happened and I should’ve prevented it, I should’ve known something was happening. I got full of myself, thought I made something impenetrable. Technology is always advancing, I fell behind somewhere. Someone took advantage of it.” Silence hangs there, I drink more and rest my face in my hands. We just sit for a while, eventually I offer Steve some alcohol. “Don’t be a boy scout. If you drink some, I’ll let you take me home.”

He does drink, and we finish off the bottle. I, mostly, finish off the bottle, and get back into the suit. Ignoring Steve saying that I had no business being in it, I scoff and fly off, saying he can walk me home on our next date. I try flying for a while, but I end up just putting on autopilot and getting home that way. Stumbling into the house, I drag myself to the workshop with the shipment of alcohol.

“Sir, I would recommend going to bed.”

“I can’t, J. Not when Pep isn’t there. I’m just going to sleep in the shop tonight, we’ll tackle that beast tomorrow.”

“May I at least suggest the couch?” Tempting. But I’m already sitting down, so, no. I drink until I’m knocked out, only to drink more each time I wake myself up to Pepper’s screaming in my nightmares. This goes on for another entire day, not allowing anyone to come in and see me, even though the only person who does is Rhodey. I ignore my phone, only once drunkenly texting Happy that I’m working on what happened to Pepper and that I’m glad he’s safe. The next day, I do eventually make it to the main section of the house. Everything reminds me of Pepper. She decorated it, her food is still in it, her clothes, jewelry, perfume, toothbrush… I run my hand over the silk sheets, sitting on her side of the bed before laying down. Smells like her… What am I going to do with any of this? I can’t throw it out, I probably shouldn’t keep it. I guess I should send it to her family… maybe not the necklace I made her. Or that blue dress. Some things I just… can’t imagine letting go of. Like it’d be letting her go, and I can’t do it.

“Jarvis.”

“Yes, sir?”

“Find anything else, buddy?”

“No, sir. The audio I found goes on for a while longer, but-”

“That’s fine, just keep working on it. Tell me about the Stark Industries ongoing projects on those floors. Start with the ones that sound the most explodable.” Most of the explosion risk projects were underground, nothing that could cause that amount of damage should be that high up. Unless someone got really, really creative with chemical compounds. Even still, that was more like… Wait, that’s it. It’s not one thing, it’s two things, maybe three. Something really flammable with an explosive and a chemical to function like acid. Pepper wasn’t just burned alive, she was being melted.

That doesn’t help me with the security issue, but it’s a start. But to cause that amount of structural damage, they would’ve needed something pretty sizable. One big thing or a lot of small things hidden in different places that were somehow connected. One big thing, as it stands, seemed pretty unlikely. Unless it appeared there without a single camera noticing at any point, as not every single camera going out during the black out, it wouldn’t have been possible to lug anything in unless the person wore it. But there’s no way that would’ve gone undetected… but if they were able to disable the other security features, then what would one more be?

“Okay, so, what? Someone waltzed in there with a bomb strapped to their chest? Multiple people placed smaller bombs, maybe with a chemical compound, around the building?” How did everyone get out before the explosions, anyway? Everyone but Pepper… that doesn’t make any sense. Did they run an evacuation simulation? Do it discreetly, in a way that Pepper would get left behind on those floors specifically? This plan was either extremely meticulous, a lot of factors played by chance, or it was a partial failure. Maybe they were trying to do more damage but couldn’t. Maybe they weren’t trying to get anyone killed, just cause damage, and that’s why Pepper was the only casualty.

“But why did it have to be Pepper?” I would prefer no one dead, but… why Pepper? Especially if they weren’t even targeting her. Why did it have to happen to her? Finishing my drink, I laid down in the bed, just breathing in her scent while it was still there. It’s going to fade, eventually, may as well… relish in it. How pitiful… laying in bed like this. I’d hate for her to see me this way, seriously. I don’t even like seeing me this way. But she’d know what to do. She’d know how to keep me focused, sober, a little more stable, loose.

“What am I going to do?” There has to be some way to bring her back. Some way to- to undo it. What if I could turn her into code, make her an AI? Build her a body, make her sentient, make her Pepper. Maybe a way to upload her memories? I’d probably need access to her brain, I’d have to dig her back up. Should’ve thought of it before, but I can probably do it. Would she need to be alive for it? Her brain would probably need to be active. I wonder if I can revive her brain… if just long enough for me to get all of the information out of it. I’d have to do it soon, too, to get the most out of it.

“Jarvis, call Bruce.”

“Tony!”

“Hey, Banner. I have a hypothetical question for you. Brains are like computers, right? Like harddrives. Do you think it would be possible to hook someone’s brain up to an online system and make an upload of their consciousness? You know, hypothetically.”

“Um… maybe. It sounds very sci-fi.”

“We fought aliens, Bruce, and you turn into a giant green monster when you stub your toe.”

“Why are you asking me this, Tony? What- what are you doing?”

“Oh, just spitballing.”

“No, you’re not, you never just spitball. Please don’t tell me you’re going to try and bring Pepper back to life.”

“Uhhh, I’m not trying to bring Pepper’s… body, back to life. Just her consciousness. Something like Jarvis, but a little more autonomous. Then, I could make her a body after, that’s the easy part.”

“Tony, you can’t bring people back from the dead.”

“Not yet.”

“I’m serious. Do you think Pepper would even want that?”

“I mean, wouldn’t you? Imagine how incredible that would be, Bruce. For your mind to be free of its physical form, if something happens to you, someone just reboots you and you’re fine. You can become practically immortal, you don’t age, you-”

“But would Pepper want that?”

“I don’t know, Bruce. I can ask her when I do it, if she hates it, I’ll shut it down.”

“Really? You think you would be able to do that?”

“Of course, she’d just be-”

“-a program. She wouldn’t be Pepper, Tony. Plus, wouldn’t shutting her down just be like… killing her, again?” He’s right. I wet my lips, pinch the bridge of my nose. He’s right. It wouldn’t be Pepper, even if it was Pepper, she’d hate it. She wouldn’t even let me give her implants to be able to call the Rescue armor to her, which could’ve saved her life. She didn’t want tech in her, she certainly wouldn’t want to be all tech. Then, if she hated it, I would just be… killing her again.

“You’re right, Bruce. ...But, I just… I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to- how to exist without her anymore. I’m binge drinking again, I’m crying all the time, I’m shaking, I can’t focus. I don’t know what to do without her, I feel like- like the whole reason I’ve been able to keep going this long is… is gone. She’s gone, Bruce.”

Long silence.

“Banner, I swear to god if you fell asleep on me again, I’m going to blast my brains out.”

“I didn’t fall asleep, I just- I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to tell you, man, I’m not the right person for the emotional stuff. I mean, the only reason I’m alive is because the big guy won’t let me die.”

“You’re right… you’re right, I’m sorry. Listen, though, I’m serious about that uploading your consciousness thing. We could upload you without Hulk, we could upload me- oh my god, we could upload me. I could upload me, I could get so much done. Digital me could run the company, solve my CEO problem.”

“No, this sounds like-”

“You’re right, it’s a bad idea. If me now can’t be a CEO, virtual me can’t be a CEO. More me wouldn’t help anything, I’m enough me as it is. Hey, what do you think about Jarvis as CEO? Rhodey didn’t like the idea, but I think it’s worth a shot.”

“Well, he’d probably be better at it than you.”

“I’d love to give it a go, sir.”

“Alright, so Jarvis, you’re CEO now. Case closed- oh, how are you going to sign the paperwork? Hey, is it unethical if Jarvis makes all the decisions and I just… look pretty, sign papers, do TED talks.”

“Uhh, maybe? Sounds like an HR nightmare.”

“Only if they find out. Honestly, Jarvis is more likeable than me, maybe they’d be excited. I like Jarvis more than me, and if I could clone myself and give myself a blowjob I would.”

“That’s too much info.”

“What, you wouldn’t suck your own dick if you could?”

“No.”

“Hmm. What about Hulk?”

“I’m hanging up now, Tony. Take care of yourself… not like that.”

“Oh, I’ll take care of myself. Good talk, Bruce, I’ll call you later.” Okay, so… Pepper AI isn’t gonna work out. But… it’s not a bad general idea. Uploading my consciousness could be helpful. If I die, I can keep creating, I could help the next generation until someone smarter can take things over. I gotta start looking for someone, maybe that… that Spider kid on youtube. He seems smart, fast. I could bring him and Harley in, tutor him and the web kid. AI me can keep them busy when the real me can’t be there. Better than my Dad did, I didn’t even get an AI him and I turned out… kind of okayish.

Their families can always move in, too. I won’t be their dad, just their mentor. I’m less likely to fuck it up that way, right? Maybe spider pajamas will have a Dad to look up to or something so I don’t have to worry about filling in that spot.

“Jarvis, find me all of Harley’s info and everything you got on the kid in Queens who thinks he’s an arachnid. Put it in a file, I’ll watch it later. Harley, send him, uh, did you ever find that limited edition watch?”

“Yes, sir. I sent it to him as you requested.”

“Oh, good. I’m gonna go to Tennessee, I think. Pay him a visit, what do you think, J?”

“I think you should wait until you’re more sober.”

“That’s fair… that’s fair.” Okay, up and at ‘em. If I lay here much longer, it won’t smell like Pepper it’ll just smell like booze and… musk. I need a shower. It’s not a good musk, it’s not sexy musk it’s just musk musk. Forcing myself to the shower, it didn’t take long for Pepper’s ghost to get back under my skin. I hate to admit it, or even acknowledge it, but I’m lonely. Not even just that, but I feel… alone. I know it’s not true, at the very least I know Rhodey will always be on my side, Happy, too, I hope. Then, of course I have Jarvis, Dum-E, and You. But it’s different. It’s worse than when I woke up in that cave and had a car battery in my chest. I was lucky with Pepper, so lucky. She was so patient with me, she saw the parts of me that were good that I didn’t even know existed. She loved me even though I caused her so much trouble, even though she knew about all the stupid shit I did, and she knew I’d always be doing more stupid shit.

“Jarvis?”

“Yes, sir?”

“I’m gonna go out.”

“I would put some clothes on, first, sir.”

“What do you think? Gucci, Prada, Valentino?”

“Your latest one is Valentino.”

“Valentino it is, then.”

“May I ask what the plan is?”

“Dunno, gonna play it by ear. Hopefully… not have a public breakdown.” Finishing the shower and shaving, dressing up, going out in the tesla to the casino. Gambling and drinking, two things I’m fairly good at. New York is no Las Vegas, but it’s not a bad scene. People are all too excited to take my money, milk the grieving man for all he’s worth, drink after drink while rolling the dice. The hands on me aren’t making me feel suffocated, they’re not coated with guilt, they’re not trying to share in my pain, or tell me things are going to be alright.. They don’t understand, they’re not trying to pretend they understand, they’re not even trying to understand. It’s refreshing.

“Mr Stark, I’m so sorry about your girlfriend.” All of the girls say the same thing. “If you ever need to blow off some steam… maybe relax… I can take care of you.” God, this was really my type back then, huh? Was I like this before? Was I this… yeah, I was. Pepper fell in love with me when I behaved like this before? She used to criticize me for the girls I would bring home, what about her taste? How can you date me and act like you have good taste? I’m horrible, I slept with anything that even hinted it wanted to fuck me as long as it was a human person. Hell, I might’ve fucked an alien if we’d never gotten together. I don’t know what alien I would fuck, considering most of the ones I’ve met are hideous, but I’m sure there are hot aliens somewhere. I mean, Thor is technically an alien, and he’s doing alright for himself in the looks department.

“Oh, is that right? How are you gonna do that? I could use some luck right about now.” Dead girlfriend, really getting my ass kicked at the table.

“I think it’d be better if I… showed you.” She guides my hand between her legs, right there in public. Holy shit, she’s already wet enough I can feel it through her underwear. It would be rude of me, at this point, if I didn’t fuck her.

“You’re right, this absolutely seems like something I’m going to need to look at. Uh, here, I fold or whatever.” Letting her lead me to a gross, filthy bathroom, I’m on her before she can close the door. Fuck, she smells good, thank god I brought condoms. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

“Maria.”

“Maria, huh? You ever get your pussy eaten by a superhero?”

“Oh, my god.”

“What, don’t want me to? I’ll stop, if that’s not what you’re here for. If I misunderstood, that’s-”

“No, please, do it.” Well, I can’t say no if she asks so nicely. Picking her up and bringing her over to the sink, there is really no good angle to do this here, but that’s never stopped me before. I make quick work of her underwear, pushing her skirt up and pulling the top down. Just hopefully no one comes in, this won’t look good. Or… or, someone could come in, and we could make this a real party.

It doesn’t take long for my face to be absolutely coated, her thighs covering my ears but not well enough that I can’t hear her moaning when her hips rock against me while she tugs on my hair. After she cums twice, she pulls me up to kiss her before I even have a chance to wipe my face, pulling me in by the hips using her legs. I wrap one arm around her waist and grind against her, using my other hand to pull her in by the back of her neck.

Maria works to get my belt off, reaching in and stroking like the goal is to milk me for all I’m worth. I moan against her neck, biting my way down to her breasts while I try to multitask with the condom. It feels good, super fucking good. Starting out slow, her nails run up the back of my jacket and I almost want to take my clothes off to feel it. Her skin is soft, she’s flexible, loud, sensitive. I’m dizzy with lust, feeling her grab at me and pull at me like she needs me. Like she wants me. Like she loves me.

When I cum, I pray to god she was too busy mid orgasm to hear the name Pepper slip out of my mouth. The guilt washes over me immediately, and I just try to rest against Maria for a minute while we calm things down. She strokes my hair, which is unexpected but not unwelcome.

“You really loved her.”

“Yeah… yeah, sorry about… about that. Poor manners, wrong name.”

“That’s okay.” She pushes me back a little to look at her, her fingers gently resting on my lips. “I think it’s sweet… If you want… I can fill in her spot.”

“...What?”

“You know… keep you company. Play secretary…” I pull away, shocked.

“What? You- that’s not what this is. Let’s get that straight right now.” Reassembling myself, I definitely think I need another drink.

“I- I’m not trying to insinuate anything, I just-”

“Look, the preying on sad men shtick? I get it. Easy targets, maybe you want to be the one that fixes them. But that- that’s out of line. Fill her spot? I just fucked you in the men’s bathroom of a casino, you can’t fill her spot, that’s not what she was to me. She never would’ve had sex in here, and she was a professional.”

“Well, she still slept with her boss, didn’t she?”

“Excuse me, she was my boss. I’m the whore in this situation, capice? How dare you. Why don’t you go find another sad man to work your weird issues out on, honey?” Storming out of the bathroom, I take myself straight to the bar. I don’t bother getting a proper drink and just toss down shots, tipping well and leaving quickly. I am not greeted by a happy face when I get to my car.

“Rogers, why are you here?”

“I stopped by the house, Jarvis told me this is where to find you.”

“Okay, and? Can I help you with something?”

“I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“Why? You’ve never done this before. There have been plenty of times I’ve not been okay, and the avengers didn’t care then. What’s different now?”

“Pepper isn’t-”

“Pepper isn’t here? That’s it? You guys just…” Deep breaths, Tony. “You guys are my friends, to me, alright? You’re my friends. If you guys need almost anything, I would drop my shit and try to be there. You guys aren’t like that with me, and that’s- that’s fine! That’s fine, so don’t start trying to do it now just because Pepper is gone. As soon as you deem someone else capable of handling me, it’ll just go back to that.”

“Tony, that’s not true.”

“Yes it is, Cap, and you know it. When do you guys come see me, huh? I invite you all to galas, parties, sports games even. I build new tech for you, I put so much effort into the team, but you guys still only see me as, you know, selfish prick number one. I get it, I don’t like me, either. I’ve done more things wrong in my life than I have done things right, you all have every right to not trust me.”

“We do trust you, Tony.”

“Yeah, when there’s no other options left. When the worst has already come, you turn around and ask me for answers even though I was trying to give them to you the whole time. Look, did Nat put you up to this?”

“No one put me up to it, I’m here because I want to be.”

“Oh, bullshit. Get away from my car, Cap.”

“I mean it, Tony.”

“Yeah, you wanna make sure that I’m stable enough next time you guys need my tech or the Iron Man or some coordinates.” Cap has the audacity to sigh at me, as if I’m the unbelievable asshole in this situation.

“You’re drunk.”

“Yeah, what of it?”

“Let me take you home.”

“I can get home just fine. Jarvis can drive the car, if you’re worried about drunk driving.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about. I’m worried about you being alone in that house, Rhodey told me you’ve been watching the tapes. You suggested Jarvis might have done it?”

“He didn’t, it’s fine.”

“Come to my apartment.”

“...What?”

“Just for the night. You can go back in the morning if you really want to.”

“...Why… in god’s name, Steven… would I want to go back to your shitty little Brooklyn apartment, when I own a mansion?”

“Because you need someone. That’s why you’ve got lipstick on your shirt collar, right?” I cross my arms, eyeing him up and down. Maybe if I just go with him, he’ll get over himself and leave me alone. He’ll feel like he did his part and be done with it. Worst case scenario, I call the suit and fly home. It’s not like I have anything waiting there for me, anyway.

“Fine.”

“We’re taking my car, have Jarvis drive yours home.” I scoff, but agree for now. Having Jarvis send the car back, I reluctantly climb into Steve’s sad old car. It’s not even vintage, it’s just… like he bought it off craig’s list.

“Please let me get you a new car. This is- you’re Captain America, you can’t be seen driving this.”

“The car is fine, Tony, it works.”

“Yeah, for now. What model is this?”

“I don’t know, 2003?”

“This car is a fossil, Rogers. I’ll get you an electric car, okay? It’s better for the environment, it’s sleek, cool. Girls will be all over it.” He sighs at me again, which is annoying. I’m trying to do something nice for him, and it’s even beneficial to the planet! “Seriously, okay? You don’t want electric? I’ll get you something more your speed, something vintage.”

“I don’t need a new car from you, Tony.”

“Fine. Fine, drive your… junky car.” Crossing my arms, I lean my head against the window and watch the city lights pass. “...I’m not trying to fight with you, Cap.” He doesn’t say anything. I should… I should reward effort, right? Even if this is just a temporary thing, I should try to play nice. Even if he’s a jackass, he’s still my friend, and he’s doing something friend-like. So, in the name of friendship, I choose to take a nap on the way back instead of talking. Lord knows that talking never ends well with me and this one.

When we get there, the apartment isn’t terrible, but it’s definitely… see, I don’t want to say ugly… “Do you get paid?”

“Not enough to afford anything better in Brooklyn.”

“I can find you something on my payroll. I need a temporary head of security until Happy comes back-”

“That’s very generous of you, Tony, but it’s alright. It’s home.” Okay, but… I really…. I really do need a stand in for Happy…

“Suit yourself.”

“Why don’t you go take a shower? I’ll make dinner.”

“Please just order something, I’ll pay for it. Get some… Chinese food. Where’s the bathroom?” Admittedly, it feels very weird to be here, in Steve’s apartment. I’m not used to seeing this… more private side of him. Seeing how he lives when he’s not out on missions. I feel like I’m trespassing, almost. I wrap up in a towel when I’m done, torn between going out there like this and putting my clothes back on.

“Tony?” I jump at the knock on the door, my heart almost launching itself out of my chest. “I brought you some spare clothes. I’m leaving them right outside the door, alright?” Oh, what am I, his boyfriend? Still, I crack open the door and grab the clothes. They’re pajamas, so they’re meant to be comfortable, but I’m swimming in them. They’re too baggy, too long… but I guess it’s better than getting back into my clothes that I just had sex in.

“I didn’t even know clothes came in super soldier size.” Stepping into the main room, I see Steve setting down the delivery. Guess I was just in time.

“Yeah, well, everything is a little tight.”

“Yeah.” Everyone knows. “...Hey, I’m sorry about everything I said back there. It’s not fair of me, even if I’m drunk and grieving. You guys all work hard, I’m just acting like a spoiled child.”

“...No, you’re right.”

Huh?

“Huh- uh… wh… I’m sorry?”

“You’re right, Tony, we’re not the best at being there for you. Or listening to you in general, unless it’s a last resort.”

“Sorry, is Ashton Kutcher about to jump out at me?”

“...Who?”

“Sorry, you’re… ancient, you don’t know what I’m referencing. It’s a TV show, it’s fine, don’t worry about it. Please, continue saying that I’m right.”

“Well, I’m not going to say it again.”

“Oh, but please? Here, let me get my glasses so I can record it. I want to set it as my ringtone.”

“Quit while you’re ahead, Stark.”

“Fair enough. ...Thank you for saying that, Cap. It… means a lot.” Dinner gets quiet, and while he doesn’t seem uncomfortable, I certainly am. “Why don’t we… watch a movie? You haven’t seen, like, anything, right? I’ll project it from my glasses onto the wall. Your television is a tragedy. Here, uh… Phantom Menace, how about that?”

Turning the lights off and the movie on, we settled on the couch with our Chinese food. Honestly, it wasn’t the worst experience of my life. There was a lot of explaining the story, explaining how they made certain scenes. It really was like watching a movie with someone’s grandfather, but it was almost funny. Steve looked young, and was technically young, so the fact that he didn’t understand special effects was borderline charming.

“Hey… that looks like Nick, right?”

“Nick who?”

“Fury. That guy.”

“Windu?” It absolutely looks like Fury. “Wow, Rogers. Are you saying all black people look alike?”

“What? No! It looks like him!”

“Wow… I thought you were better than that, Cap. I mean, I know you came from the 40s…” It was fun. Hanging out was fun. With this… large dumb ass. It’s not his fault he’s a dumb ass, I guess, but, still. It was a nice change of pace from him reaming me about every little thing… I probably shouldn’t get used to it. But… “Do you want scotch?”

“...Tony.”

“Just some to relax. Swear to god, I have terrible nightmares, it helps. I’m not going to get shitfaced.” I cross my heart and hold up my hands in a show of good faith, he looks skeptical, but sighs and gets up.

“I only have wine.”

“...Why?”

“Agent Coulson gave it to me.” That seems… weird. I thank him for the glass, watching him sip his own for a second before trying mine. It’s not the worst. Once the movie wrapped up, we start another one after cleaning up. We spend a while like that, finishing one more movie after that before deciding to head to bed. “You can have the bed, I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, it’s your bed. Also, you won’t fit on your couch.” I stand up, picking up both of our glasses to take back to the kitchen. Steve follows behind me, insisting that I take the bed, that I wouldn’t be able to sleep on the couch. “Oh, and you would?”

“Sometimes I sleep better on it.”

“Really, Steve, it’s okay. You already wined and dined me, I’ll just take the Iron Man home, sleep in my own bed.”

“Are you going to be able to?” I pause as I set the glasses in the sink. He makes… a point. I don’t appreciate the point, I resent it, but it’s there. I guess… how bad could it be to spend the night here? Besides horrible because I can’t drink any more than I already have. I can’t get work done here. If I can’t get any work done, then the people who did this get further away, the people who murdered Pepper get away.

“Cap, I can’t. Look, if anything comes up, I’ll call. I’ll get these clothes back to you after I wash them, I’ll send you the Star Wars movies. Thank you for this.” When I turn to look back at him, it’s hard to hold his gaze. I hate when he looks at me with those stupid blue eyes, filled with disappointment. As if just my existence disappoints him, I don’t even have to do anything.

“Alright, well, I can’t make you stay.” I feel like I’m going to suffocate. Moving past him, I go to the bathroom to pick up my clothes. I don’t get it, how Steve can give you that… disappointed Dad look? How can he look at you, even when you haven’t done anything, in a way that makes you feel like you’ve shamed him somehow? He invited me to his house, and I feel like I broke in and shat the bed. Fuck, I don’t know what I’m even doing here.

Moving to leave the bathroom, I’m startled by Steve awkwardly leaning on the doorway. “For fuck’s sake, Rogers, you been taking stealth lessons from Nat?”

“Tony… you can’t go yet.”

“Uhhh, what are you doing? Are you stalling? What- what’s going on?” Steve adjust his posture, bringing himself up to full stature. Is… is he blocking me, right now? “You are aware you’re trapping me in your bathroom, right? If you’re not careful, I’m going to think you’re flirting with me, Rogers.”

“Oh, yeah?” Uh… “What if I am, Stark?”

“Wh- uh… Okay, you’re definitely stalling for time. Were you put up to this? Who did it? Rhodey?” Okay, he’s getting closer. “Fair warning, Cap, I bite.”

“So do I.” I catch myself on the edge of the sink, dropping my clothes, when he’s on me. Despite acting like an absolute virgin most of the time, Steve is surprisingly good at kissing. I am… just drunk enough for this. I gasp into his mouth as his hand goes to my throat, lifting me up slightly and making me strain on my toes. Fuck, this guy.

Putting my hands on his shoulders, his arms, his hips- I can’t get any ground. I really can’t fight him without tech, huh? I’m not gonna let him beat me at my own game. Biting his lip, I smirk when he lowers me, pulling back. This is my chance. Pushing him back against the wall, I lick my lips.

“Who taught you how to kiss like that?”

“The US Army.”

“No wonder you needed my father to win the war.”

“Yeah? He was the one who taught me.” I pull back fast.

“Whoa, excuse me?” He gets me back against the sink. God, this is a tiny bathroom.

“Just a joke, knock you off your game. Aren’t you supposed to be good at this?” Wow! Okay! Big leagues, huh!

“You wanna play, Rogers?”

“Why do you think the clothes are so loose?”

“Because you’re fucking massive.”

“That’s right.” I’m playing into his hands. Gotta up it. Getting my hand down his pants, Steve gasp and pulls away a little, and I move with him, pulling at his waistband with my other hand.

“What’s wrong? If you’re going to flirt with me like that to keep me from going home-” I run my teeth against his neck. “-you’re gonna have to keep up.” This is ridiculously easy as soon as I have him in my hand, he’s useless. I get him back against the wall, marking up his neck and working off his shirt. Steve’s hands grab my arms, sturdy him on the wall, tries to get his footing- but all it takes is a careful twist of the wrist.

“Fuck, Tony-”

“Oh, is that what you want? You wanna fuck me?” My hand speeding up a little, I growl against his ear, his knees having buckled enough to get him closer to my level. “Be honest, Rogers, am I your first?”

“Not my first.”

“First guy?” He’s blushing, I’m about to bust it right here. “Oh, I’m honored, captain. You’re not going to be able to keep me away from home very long like this.” I’m on my knees, taking his pants and underwear with me. Oh, he’s… big, to say the least. Was kind of hoping the super juice would’ve shrunk him like steroids, but… I’ve seen the before pictures, I really can’t imagine he was sporting this when he was only 90lbs. Hope I don’t get lockjaw. Good thing I’m used to people choking me.

I look up at him with big eyes, taking him down all the way in one go. He’s not looking at me, what bad manners. I pull off with a wet pop sound, pressing kisses against his hip bones. “Hey, I don’t know how they did it in the 40s, but it’s not very polite to look away.” Steve straight up shivers when he looks down at me. Oh, fuck, I want to rail him. Give him something to remember next time he has some stubborn shit to say to me. I can hear it now, me being able to say that’s not the tune you were singing last night.

I get Steve nice and close before I stop, stroking him agonizingly slow, making him seeth. “Well? You gonna show me to the bed you so badly want me to sleep in?” He grabs me by the collar, pulling me up and then picking me up off the floor. I’m being carried bridal style to Captain America’s bedroom, I almost wish my Father were alive so I could record what’s about to happen and then rub it in his smug face that I fucked his precious war hero.

I’m tossed onto the bed, and he’s on me before I can recover. “Your bed sucks, man.”

“You won’t even notice it soon.” I arch up into his touch, one of his hands gets under me and grabs a handful. “Shouldn’ta let me get on top, shell head.” He’s right, and it does not pain me to say so for once. For someone who absolutely walks and talks like he’s never had a dick in his mouth, Steve talks a big game. I quickly find out that it’s not all talk, however, and he has no gag reflex. I reach back and grab the bed frame, toes curling, taking every part of my being into not grabbing his head and skull fucking him until I can give him some real American white stripes.

“Jesus fucking christ- thought I was your first guy.”

“You are.”

“What, you just suck dick this well naturally?”

“No, I learned.”

“What, from my Dad?”

“No, from you. Just now.” I nearly scream because he punctuates it with a particularly hard suck and looks up at me with those stupid puppy dog eyes. No one should look that innocent with a cock in their mouth, fuck. I twist my fist up in the sheets, willing myself not to blow my load so early on like an amature. I let out an embarrassing moan and arch my neck back, closing my eyes. “Thought it wasn’t polite to not look.”

I grapple him, managing to surprise him enough and get on top, bringing him up to meet me. “Shouldn’ta let me get on top.” Let’s get this show on the road. Shedding the rest of my clothes, I grind my hips against him and just revel in the lovely blush going up his chest. “Lube and condoms?”

“Bedside.”

“Naughty, naughty. Here I thought you were a good catholic boy.”

“Gift from Nat.”

“Wow, Coulson and Nat, huh? You’ve got some bad friends.”

“What, you’re better?”

“Oh, I’m the worst, but you’re about to think I’m the best.” Situating myself between his thighs, I pull his leg up on my shoulder and feel him freeze up. “Hey, bud, you’re gonna wanna relax for this part.”

“What are you doing?” Oh.

“It’s fine, I know what I’m doing.” Kissing the inside of his knee, I stroke his leg affectionately. “Don’t freak out. I’m gonna stick a few fingers in your ass, it’ll be great for everyone involved.”

“You’re going to what?” I rest back on my heels. Alright, that’s fine. So, I won’t rail him tonight, that’s… that’s fine. Change of plans, I can improvise. It’s bigger than what Pepper used, but I can do it. I put it in my mouth, didn’t I?

“Okay, I’ll do it. You’re lucky, that’s prime real estate. Here, give me your hand, I’ll guide you through it.” Plenty of lube, start with one finger. I move up onto him to give him an easier angle, giving him something to do with both hands while I have to walk him through fingering me. It takes a good chunk of time, I’m out of practice and he’s an absolute novice, but we get there. “Now bend your fingers, just- kinda- curl the- AH, ah- yep. Yeah. That’s it. Feel that? You’re gonna aim for that. Take your fingers out.” 

“What’s next?”

“The fun part.” Putting a generous amount of lube in my hand, I slicked down his weirdly pretty cock after putting the condom on and wet my lips. “Stay still.”

“Wh- that’s not gonna fit, Tony. That’s- that’s not where that goes.”

“It’ll fit.” Hopefully. What I’d give for some bourbon. “Welcome to the 21st century, Steve.” Slowly easing myself down, I appreciate Steve keeping his hand on my dick to help the process, even if he’s only doing it because he doesn’t know what else to do. Maybe I should visit the good captain more often, teach him a few things. Once I’m properly seated, I desperately wish I could take a shot, but settle for looking at Steve’s anxious face.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Trust me, you’re going to be doing the opposite. I just need a second to get used to it.” Start slow, small movements. Alright… that’s it, get a rhythm. It’s like riding a bike. Just like riding… a bike. Or a mechanical bull. “Fuck, Rogers, you’re big.”

“We can stop-”

“Shut up and move your hips.” That. That feels good. Picking up the speed, I balance myself with one hand on Steve’s chest and the other holding the bed frame. “Move your hand, multitask.” Groaning, I bucked into his hand, the bed creaking underneath us. “Feel good?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, good. Just let- let your instinct take over.” The instinct, apparently, is to flip us over on the mattress. I barely have any time to think before he’s flipped me onto my back and is fucking me like his life depends on it. Steve is almost obnoxiously good at fucking, and I have to muffle my mouth against him to keep from being twice as loud. He smells good, feels good, looks good. I feel like I’m corrupting a priest.

“Turn over.” I absolutely turn over, clutching the bed posts and nearly lose it when he gets his angle just right. “Right there?”

“Yes! Fuck, right there. Come on, come on.” He pounds into me and I nearly just crumple into the pillows. His hands are soft on my sides, lips against my back, moaning my name against the damp skin. It’s so hot I feel dizzy, forget him saying I’m right, I want to set this as my ringtone. I wanna play this at meetings when he argues with me. Not so fucking… righteous and holier than thou, is he? God, just imagine, Steve coming to me and asking to fuck. What if I could get him to beg to fuck me? Eventually for me to fuck him. Mr Freedom himself, I could blindfold him with the flag. Gag him with it.

“Fuck me like you mean it, Rogers, come on.” Goading him on, I press my hips back against him. “Think about every time I’ve ever pissed you off and teach me a fucking lesson.” His grip tightens, nails digging into my hip before moving to my shoulder, pulling me back harder against him. Feels good, that feels so fucking good. Better than that girl at the casino, I can barely keep myself from dropping to my elbows. I don’t want to cum first, but it starts to feel inevitable. Stupid super soldier stamina. I allow myself to bury my face in the pillow, losing it in Steve’s fist while he starts to slow things down to accommodate the fact that I just came so hard I could’ve sworn I heard the national anthem start playing.

“Hey, are you okay?” And people say that chivalry is dead. It was just cryogenically frozen for a while.

“Yeah… yeah, I just… Holy shit, Steve. Didn’t think you had that in ya.” He’s still hard, job isn’t over yet. “Pull out, take the condom off, edge of the bed.” Forcing myself to move to the floor, I kneel between his legs.

“Tony, that was just-”

“In my ass? That’s why I had you take the condom off.”

“You don’t have to-”

“I want to.”

“You’re sure?”

“Oh, I’m very sure. I cannot wait to see your face when you orgasm because of me. I’m gonna suck you fucking dry.” And I absolutely do. His thighs shake from it, and I watch his face when I swallow, mentally saving the image to later use as fuel the next time I need to say something to shut him up. Maybe to jerk off to later, we’ll see. He pulls me up off the floor, kissing me slower and leading me back into the bed. The afterglow feels comfortable, and I relax against him. I know this was all some scheme to keep me from going home, but Steve fully seems to know how to kiss like a boyfriend. It’s too comforting, I’m exhausted, and his warm touch lulls me to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

I wake up in a cold sweat, panicking for a second because the body next to me is very much not Pepper. Sitting up, I rub my face and sigh. That’s right… sex with Cap. My lower back hurts… It’s… three in the morning. Okay, I gotta go home. Steve’s asleep, so I peel out of bed and throw on the oversized clothes. Leaving him a note on the bedside that says Thanks for the good time, call me if you wanna go round 2, I also take his wine. It’s only fair, he was in my ass. Calling the armor, I take myself back to the mansion.

“Jarvis, I’m home.”

“Welcome home, sir.”

“Uh-huh. Anyone come by while I was gone?”

“Colonel Rhodes and Agent Romanoff stopped by.” Yeah, I bet they did.

“Why? What’d they want?”

“They were looking for you.”

“You let them in?”

“Colonel Rhodes used his override code.”

“Did they leave a message?”

“They did not.”

“What did they do here?”

“It appears they have collected and taken out all alcoholic beverages in the house.”

“They what? Call Rhodey.”

“Sir, it’s four in the morning, I suggest you call at a more decent hour.”

“He’ll pick up.” Listening to the phone ring, I drink straight from the wine bottle while I get ready to shower. Rhodey doesn’t pick up, so I go downstairs and get to work for now instead. Without the booze, it’s harder. Watching the videos, struggling through listening to different versions of the audio with certain parts isolated. I suit up, fly back to the tower, check for residue or something to tell me what exactly exploded and why. I ice my lower back back at the house, analyze more debris, call Rhodey again once the sun is up.

“Tony, I know what you’re going to say-”

“Bring me back my stuff, James.”

“Listen man, you’re not in a good way. Having that amount of booze at the house-”

“I don’t care, bring it back or I’ll just buy more.”

“Tony, listen, I’m going to come by this afternoon. I’ll kick your ass if I have to, you can’t keep drinking like this. You’re gonna end up in the hospital, or worse.”

“Worse? What’s worse than the hospital? Dead? I’d at least be with Pepper, then, wouldn’t I?”

“We still need you here.”

“What about what I need, James? I need a drink, and I’m all out of the wine I stole from Cap’s place.”

“You stole Cap’s wine?”

“Oh, please, his dick was in my ass it’s a fair trade.”

“Dude-”

“What, like that wasn’t your plan? Keep me busy so you can break in, steal my alcohol. I gotta say, having Cap do it was a nice touch. I probably wouldn’t have done it with anyone else, Steve is like… like a badge of honor to add to my list of celebrities I’ve had sex with. I wish Howard was alive so I could gloat about it.”

“Tony, it’s not just me and Cap, okay? Nat and Bruce, too, they’re worried. We need you, man.”

“Rhodey, back when I was still making weapons for the military I drank all the time. I was drunk the entire time I built the Jericho!”

“Yeah but that was before you were on the front lines, Tony. If you’re going to be Iron Man, you need to keep your shit together.” Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ve heard it all before, but I don’t care. I couldn’t physically care less, in fact. I think, after my girlfriend was murdered, I deserve a damn drink. I would think that, after everything I’ve done for the greater good or whatever, I deserve a drink.

“Rhodes, don’t come over unless you bring something to drink. Jarvis, hang up.” Sighing, I rubbed my face. It’s so early… Digging around the mansion, I really can’t find anymore alcohol. Rhodey knew where I kept the usual stuff, and then the delivery was probably just sitting there waiting for him to take it. Making coffee for now, I start some laundry and consider flying to the other side of the earth just to buy alcohol at what would appear to be a reasonable time without getting judgement from my peers. After all, if I buy sake in Japan, Japanese people will just be like ‘oh, dinner sake’. Meanwhile, New York will be like ‘oh, an alcoholic’.

“Jarvis, is there anywhere open right now that sells alcohol?”

“Not locally, sir. It is not even the afternoon.” Ugh… I really will have to go overseas to get alcohol. It’ll take at least an hour, I may as well just wait. “Play the footage again, no sound. Not until I can get a drink.” Not that it makes a difference, the audio is burned into my brain at this point. The New York nightmares are more welcome at this point. I spend the rest of my morning analyzing, reviewing, building, drinking coffee. I look through the files collected for Peter Parker, for Harley, I look through Extermis again, security upgrades.

“Colonel Rhodes is here, sir.”

“Intercom. Rhodey, you better have something to drink for me.”

“No, but I brought Bruce. I can’t stay, he’s gonna keep you company.” Bruce… might actually be helpful. Not with the alcohol, but with the science.

“Send him in, I’m downstairs.” Bruce coming down, I’m torn between what I want to talk about first. Do I bring up Cap? Do I bring up the incident? Uploading human consciousness? Maybe Extermis? “You look… good.”

“Thanks. You look-”

“So were you part of the whole distracting me and stealing my alcohol thing?” He sighs and rubs his face. “How did you get the others to agree to it?”

“I didn’t really have that much to do with it.”

“Well, it was a decent plan. Kept me busy even though I knew it was a distraction, it was really effective. Hey, did you give any more thought about what I said? Uploading consciousness.”

“That sounds like something we shouldn’t be messing with, Tony.”

“It’s fine, we’ll just do it to me. I won’t try bringing anyone back from the dead yet-”

“Yet?”

“Focus. If I can keep a backup of myself, then if something happens, you guys can transfer me into an artificial body. I want to run experiments with Extermis, too. It’s easier if I just run them on myself, but I can’t do all of it alone.”

“Extremis? Like, uh… that guy you fought? Killian?”

“Yeah, except I’m not an idiot so I won’t explode. That’s also why we do the backup of me, first, so I’ll be okay even if I explode. Before that, though, I need you to look at the footage from the tower. It’s… well, just watch it with me. Jarvis, with the sound, please.” We sit in silence, watching the footage together while I pray that I don’t lose it next to Bruce when the worst of it comes.

“Oh my god… you shouldn’t be watching this, Tony, it’s… it’s brutal.”

“Did you see anything?”

“Not really… I need to watch it again.”

“Jarvis, you heard the man.”

“Tony-”

“Play it again.” We watch it again, with the volume, and it starts to settle in under my skin again. I watch Bruce’s face out of the corner of my eye. At least one of us is keeping it together, and I’m glad it’s him. “Here, this is the information on the floors destroyed, the security information, too. These are the people who were working on those floors, security staff, visitors. Tell me if you see something out of the ordinary. I have debris over there, Pepper’s dead phone… I can’t find anything useful. It’s all just… stuff that was on fire, melting. I was thinking that there must have been something like an acid… I’m gonna show you something. It’s… it’s hard to look at. I can’t… I’ve only looked at it once.”

“What is it?”

“Jarvis, show him Pepper.”

“Oh… oh, no…” Most of the skin is melted off of her, one of her eyes was just… ooze. She had burn damage all over, but half of her was just brutal to look at. “It… it looks like someone threw acid on her and lit her on fire. Her… she died awake, Tony. This is horrible, did… did you see her like this?”

“Yeah. I got the information too late, this is footage from the Iron Man. I showed up when they were carrying her off, wouldn’t listen when they told me not to look. Don’t tell the others I have this, they’ll want me to delete it.”

“I want you to delete it. Why do you even have this saved?”

“It could be useful.”

“For what, aside from torturing yourself?”

“I don’t know, Bruce! But there has to be something!” I stand up, quickly reminding myself who I’m with. I can’t snap on him, the last thing I need is Bruce snapping back. “Jarvis, turn it off.” I need a drink… Leaning against my work table, I tried that whole count to ten nonsense that never works.

“What if it was aerosol? They could’ve put a container where the fire started, set off the explosion, triggered… whatever else they could’ve planted to… melt things.”

“But there’s no residue or anything, it’s just like everything started melting of its own accord.”

“Maybe it was all aerosol, then? Or maybe there was… someone invisible?”

“Bruce… be real.”

“I mean, there’s been weirder things than someone who can turn invisible.”

“Remember when things were simple? When I didn’t have to consider aliens, magic, invisible people as enemies? I just had regular idiots to worry about, like Justin Hammer. He was so stupid, things were so much simpler.”

“Trust me, I definitely miss when I didn’t burst out of my clothes and turn green.”

“As soon as we get this figured out, I’m going to make you some hulk proof clothes. You’re spending way too much money on clothes that inevitably get torn to shreds. But, honestly, invisible people and gas is the most promising thing I’ve heard so far. How are we supposed to tackle that, though?” We look for similar incidents? Set a trap? Wait? “How could they not leave a trail?”

“Tony-”

“It doesn’t make sense, Bruce. How could everything just shut down like that? How could there be so much damage but no clear cause? What could have been in there?”

“Tony, what if it was an accident? What if there was a mistake-”

“No.”

“What if someone mixed things up, the fire was an accident, the security in the room shorted, things got out of control-”

“Damn it, Bruce-”

“It makes more sense than invisible people. Maybe you can’t find anything malicious or clear because there isn’t anything-”

“Banner, I’m asking nicely, please leave.” It’s quiet for what feels like an excruciatingly long minute. “Please.”

“Alright.” He gets up and he stops at the stairs. “Tony… if it was an accident… that doesn’t make it your fault. You know how dangerous the work we do is- and I don’t mean the super hero stuff. It wasn’t some super villain that made me green.”

I need a drink.

Waiting a while to make sure Bruce was gone, I filled the time watching different footage and looking through profiles. Once it was at least one in the afternoon, I took myself shopping for something to drink. Mr. Stark, I’m sorry for your loss. Over and over, I’m dizzy from hearing it. I get back home and drink while watching the footage, playing the audio and pulling up the clip of Pepper’s melted corpse. That’s jarring… looking at it and listening to her scream… but I can’t stop. I can’t stop playing it, looking at it.

I must black out at some point, the next thing I know is that I’m upstairs on the couch and the sun has gone down. I still have alcohol, so I must have made it up here on my own. The house is dark, empty. When we moved out of the tower, it seemed like such a good idea. Things had calmed down somewhat, there was less staying overtime, Pepper made everything so beautiful. Now it’s just… empty. Everything just looks haunted and morose, I feel like I’m drowning in it. 

Going to the inground pool, I breathe in the cold night air, sitting on the edge with everclear. Taking a big drink of it, I go into the water with my clothes on, letting myself float while I look at the sky. ...I should be dead. I should’ve died a long, long time ago. What was the point? Why was I born? The people close to me either betray me or get hurt. No wonder my Father never loved me… Howard was a true visionary. He probably saw from day one what I would be, what I’d become. Ruin, disappointment… he could have built a better son- hell, didn’t he? That may as well have been what Steve was to him.

“Jarvis,” Now this… this is a mistake. “Call Steve.” It takes a few rings, and I wonder if it’s because I didn’t stay for red, white, and blue pancakes this morning. But he does pick up.

“Tony-”

“Cap, come over. I’m in the pool, I’ve been drinking, I shouldn’t be alone.”

“Get out of the pool.”

“You’re going to have to come get me, alone. Tick-tock, Captain. End call. Jarvis, let him in when he gets here, only let him into the rooms to get to the pool.”

“As you wish, sir.”

It takes a while, but I hear the doors eventually open. I wish it was someone who would kill me, but it’s not.

“Tony, get out of the pool.”

“Come get me.” I can’t hear it, but I can feel him sigh. What I do hear is the sound of him getting into the water, swimming over to me before reaching out to start pulling me to the edge. “Why don’t you just float with me for a while?”

“You shouldn’t be in the water while drunk, you could drown.” I don’t resist as he pulls me over to the edge, but I don’t cooperate either when he pulls me out of the water.

“I shouldn’t do a lot of things, Cap.” I shouldn’t be doing this, either. “Sorry, I made you come in after me. I have your clothes, so you can obviously wear them.” I can’t stand up straight when he pulls me to my feet, and we start our way inside. The house is dark and cold, quiet aside from the sound of our footsteps and the water dripping on the tile. The lights come on with the motion sensors, and I guide Steve to get us dry clothes and towels to dry off and change.

A towel being thrown on my head, I sit down on a nearby chair, watching Steve towel off instead. “Steve,” I start, he looks at me, irritated. Sometimes I wonder if he hates me. If he sees me the way my Father did. A disappointment, someone who is throwing away all of their talent, someone who is so smart but only ever makes mistakes. Never the right choice, never the right move. He and my father both, able to see the greatness I’m capable of but knowing I’ll never achieve it.

“What?”

“Come here.” He comes over, tired of me. “You shouldn’t have slept with me last night.”

“Well, I didn’t exactly plan to.”

“Sounds like an excuse I would make.” Everything feels so empty. “Come down here.” He squats, bringing himself further down to my level.

“Tony, what are you doing?” I grab the towel around his neck, watching his lips. “Tony.”

“Shouldn’t have slept with me.” I can hear Pepper echoing in my head. The alcohol isn’t enough. “Shouldn’t have slept with me.” I pull him in, kissing him deeply. We stay like that for a few seconds before he pushes me back a little.

“Tony, last night was… it wasn’t-”

“I don’t care.” I push him back onto the floor, leaning over him and watching his features.

“You’re drunk.”

“Stay the night.”

“Tony-”

“Stay.” Please. “Stay.” I don’t want to be alone.

“...Alright.” I relax against him, pressing open mouthed kisses against his neck. His hands hold my waist, not pushing or pulling, just holding me there. “But we aren’t having sex.” He doesn’t have to say it, I know I’m too wasted to get my dick hard, and he’s morally above having sex with someone who is barely coherent.

“That’s okay.” But, I can’t help it, my hand trails under his shirt and I roll my hips against him. “Just let me take care of you.” You don’t have to have sex in order to feel good. Steve is warm, and I can’t help but crave the human contact.

“Hey, I’m serious.” I let him push me up off him, looking down at him with glassy eyes. “You don’t have to… take care of me. Let me just take you to bed, we shouldn’t be on the floor.”

“I want to.”

“Tony, no.” I sigh, sitting up fully and looking away. Steve moves me off of him, standing up and hauling me with him. I reluctantly towel off, we get changed, and I give him directions to the guest room. “I’ll drop you off in your room, first.”

“No.” He sighs. “Just take me to the guest room, too.” Steve practically has to carry me there, and he just about tucks me into bed, but he sits on the edge. “What are you doing, man?”

“What do you mean?”

“You slept with me last night, but now you won’t even lay down with me.” His expression tenses up and he looks away. “I get it… it was a plan, right? You picked up some tips from Nat, got me in bed to complete a mission. Nice sentiment, trying to keep me from drinking, but using sex… kinda like trading poisons, don’t you think?”

“Not that it worked.”

“...No, I guess it didn’t.” There’s a long pause, I sit up and run my hands over his back, only for him to stand up and pull away. “...Go home, Steve. You’re the worst booty-call ever.”

“A booty-call, huh?” He scoffs, putting his hands in his pockets and shaking his head. “Is that all you called me for, Tony?”

“Yup.” No. “Figured it was easier to have someone come to me than for me to go out hunting. You were so eager last night, I figured you’d wanna go again.”

“Right. Goodnight, Tony.” I watch him leave, the door closes, his footsteps fade. Part of me wants to chase after him, but I can’t even stand up without help right now. The bed feels huge and empty to be alone in, and the room is so quiet. It’s so quiet that it’s loud, my head feels busy and my brain feels foggy. When I close my eyes I see Pepper, I hear her, but I can’t feel her. I can’t feel anything but the cold room.

I fall asleep, in and out, restless. “Jarvis?” After about the twentieth time, I figure I’m sober enough to stand.

“Yes, sir?”

“Steve leave?”

“No, he’s in the main room.” Guarding the alcohol? I roll myself out of bed, finding him asleep sitting upright on the couch. At least lay down… I could probably use the armor to carry him to bed, but he’d definitely wake up first. I glance over to the pool, the bottle I was working on is gone. He probably dumped whatever he could find-

"Go back to bed, Tony." Oh, he's awake.

"Come with. I promise I won’t make it weird.” Even though he made it weird first. Steve looks at me incredulously, but stands up and follows me after a few seconds. We don’t say anything on the way to the bed, we get in with all of our clothes, and we don’t face each other. I lay there for an hour without falling asleep, just waiting to be sure Steve does. I listen to his breathing, and once it sounds deep enough, I scoot over a little to lean against his back with my own. That’s nice… just having another person there. I close my eyes and just try to settle down. It’s easier, but I still don’t really sleep so much as I just doze off. Feeling Steve start to shift behind me, I move off of him, not wanting to get caught being any more vulnerable than I’ve already been. But, to my surprise, his arm moves around my waist and he curls against me. Is Steve… spooning me in his sleep? This… this is nice. He really needs to get a significant other, he’s such a soft guy. Give him something to come home to, other than the next mission.

“Jarvis,” I whisper. “Take a picture.” Maybe I can use this later.

Once the sun comes up, I start to wonder if Steve is ever going to get up. Isn’t he the crack of dawn type of guy? All of that military training. How long am I going to be trapped here? What am I even going to do with him once we get up? I’m too sober. Make breakfast, make small talk? Hey, Cap, thanks for snuggling with me all night. No way, right? I used to just get up, get to work, have Pepper and Jarvis send people off as needed. Then, I never needed to send off Pepper.

Steve adjusts a little, holding me tighter. “Tony…”

“Yeah?” I feel him jump against me before pulling away.

“...How long have you been awake?”

“A while.” I don’t bother lying. “Do I make a good teddy bear?” I turn to look at him, he’s bright red and doesn’t seem especially thrilled at the joke, I can barely contain myself from laughing.

“I’m leaving.”

“Oh, come on. Let me make you breakfast, it’s the least I can do for my cuddle buddy.”

“You’re the one who asked me to come to bed.”

“Did I? Hm, I don’t remember that. Hey, weren’t you the one begging me not to leave the other night?”

“You know why I did that.”

“You mean other than my perfect ass?”

“There was no other way to keep you from the mansion.”

“Oh? Sure there were, you could’ve just told me you needed someone to hold.”

“Unbelievable.”

“Come on, Steve, let me make you breakfast. I’m sure I called you while I was drunk, I just don’t remember it. You were nice enough to come over, let me cook for you.” I take his wrist and pull him out of the bedroom, and, surprisingly enough, he lets me. “So, I really called you, huh?”

“I had to pull you out of the pool.” That sounds right. I remember getting up in the middle of the night and getting Steve to come to bed with me, but I definitely don’t completely remember… anything else.

“Was I drowning?”

“Not yet.”

“So no mouth-to-mouth? Sorry to disappoint.” Steve looks like he’s going to say something but doesn’t. The conversation dies there while I work on waffles and start coffee, then we don’t talk while we eat, or when I clean up aside from him offering to help. The air feels… tense. I should just kick him out and get back to work, he’s probably here more out of obligation than anything.

“You really don’t remember last night?” I don’t turn to look at him from the sink.

“No, why? Did something happen? I mean, we’ve already had sex once and neither of us look injured, so it couldn’t have been that bad.” He’s quiet, which makes me a little nervous. “Spit it out, Rogers, don’t keep me in suspense. I’m going to find out how I’ve embarrassed myself either way, I’ll just watch the security footage.”

“You said I was a booty-call.”

“That sounds like me.”

“You offered to take care of me, which I turned down.”

“Also sounds about right.”

“You begged me to stay and lay down in bed with you.”

"Wow, I was drunk." Wish I was drunk right now. "Sorry, that must have been weird, it's very unlike me. Normally when I'm drunk I just party or get into fights, no wonder you wanted to get out of here. Next time I call like that, you can just send Rhodey to come get me.”

“I’m not… it’s okay, Tony. I don’t mind. I can stay here longer if you need me.”

“No, I don’t need you.” I pause, realizing just how harsh that sounded. Well, it’s true. I don’t need him. Steve can’t help me with this, Bruce can barely help me with this and he has seven PHDs. “You’re busy, right? The people need you. Nazis are getting popular again, I’m sure you’ve got your hands full with that.”

“Right.” I look over at him, feeling more guilty about what I said when I see his expression. Maybe I should… throw him a bone. I guess if the others really are trying to help, I should help them help me. I really don’t know what I could have him do, though… Maybe I could have him interview people for me? Steve is probably an okay judge of character. But if he’s interviewing a bunch of scientists, how is he going to know what they should or should not have been doing? I do need someone to fill in Happy’s shoes for the time being, but if it’s Steve I’ll never get drunk again.

“If I had something for you, I’d tell you, Cap.”

“Would you?” It’s too early for this.

“Yes, Steve. I would. But there’s nothing you can do to help me right now, your area of expertise is more in the field. Right now, it’s all desk work. Once I find someone I need punched, I’ll tell you.”

“That’s not what I mean, Tony.”

“Then what do you mean?” He sighs and gets up, pacing for a few seconds.

“It’s not all about what needs to be done about the incident itself. I’m saying I’m here for you, as a friend. So whatever that means to you, I’m here for you. If that means pulling you out of the pool in the middle of the night, and staying here, I’ll do it.”

“...Thanks.” We both just stare at each other, and I feel bad because that was a really kind thing to say and the most I could muster was ‘thanks’. I look away first, feeling awkward. “I’m okay, really. Just, you know… grief. Did you pour out all of my alcohol, by the way?”

“What I could find.”

“Thought so. Look, I… I have work to do. You can stick around if you want, but I’m not going to be much of a host.”

“No, I wouldn’t want to get in your way. If you need me, for anything, just call.”

“Does that include a booty-call?”

“Watch it.”

“Is that a no?” He doesn’t answer… so I take it as a solid maybe. Taking myself downstairs, I start setting up interviews, getting meetings in as quickly as possible in a public place where I’m less likely to be murdered the same way Pepper was. Getting the earliest one scheduled for tomorrow, I get the alcohol I hid and get started for the day. Uploading consciousness… that can’t be… too difficult, right? If I can make an AI as good as Jarvis, I can figure out how to upload myself onto a computer.

Several hours pass, if only telling by the twentieth time Jarvis reminds me to eat saying that it’s dinner time now and I started this early morning. I manage to replicate my brain patterns, but the memory and personality parts are still foggy. It has to be possible… Maybe if I can physically plug myself in… With Extermis’ healing properties, I wonder if I’d be able to install USB ports into my body. Feed wires through myself… that doesn’t seem impossible. Seems like it would be extremely difficult to do on my own, but I can’t imagine anyone would agree to help me with it.

“Alright, Jarvis, let’s see what this can do. Bring up all of the Extermis information for me.” I injected myself with it once to get the shrapnel out of my chest and heal the arc reactor placement, I can… probably do a bigger dose and not burst into flames, alongside the fact that I essentially fixed all of the problems with it. I should probably have another person here with me while I do this, just in case, but… it’s probably fine.

“Jarvis, if my heart stops call Rhodey.”

“Shouldn’t I call the paramedics, sir?”

“No, they’re more likely to kill me. Set up a basic guideline for Rhodes on what to give me if this stuff tries to kill me but I don’t explode. If I do explode, definitely call Rhodey. He and Happy can duke it out on who gets what, since all of it was supposed to go to Pepper. ...I should update that. J, split my money evenly between the avengers, Harley, Happy, and Rhodes. Give the company to… uh… Bruce until Harley is old enough, I guess. Have Bruce see if he can bring my consciousness to life before anything changes, though, I’d hate to come back as an AI and all my stuff is gone. Have Reed help him.”

Setting myself up a nice vitals station like when I had to replace the reactor, I take a few shots of vodka and get the injection ready. “Alright, hopefully this doesn’t suck.” At first, it’s not bad. Big needle, no problem. Then, after about five minutes I spend checking my laptop, everything hurts.

“Oh, oh my god. Jarvis, call-” I vomit up some weird black liquid. That doesn’t look good. “-call Rhodes.” Please pick up, please pick up, please pick up.

“Hey, man-”

“James. Listen- listen carefully, I might be dying.”

“What? What are you-”

“Shut up, just listen! Jarvis is going- fuck, fuck -Jarvis is going to transfer… transfer information to you. I’m- hopefully going to live. But that should help- help find what happened to Pepper.”

“Tony, where are you?”

“Home. I’m vomiting… black gunk. I’m going to pass out. Please don’t let me explode, that would be so embarrassing. Fuck.” My veins look like they’re going to bust out of my skin, everything hurts. I must have taken way too large of a dose, I’m seizing. The last thing I see in my mind is Pepper as she should be. Smiling, alive, laughing.

The first thing I see when I wake up, however, is not Pepper. “Bruce?”

“Oh my god, you’re awake. Don’t sit up, stay put, I have to run some tests.” Everything feels very… fast. I sit up despite warnings not to, feeling fine. I’m feeling pretty good, honestly. “Tony, you were just in a cocoon, lay down. Let me get you a blanket, you’re very naked.”

“A what?”

“I don’t know, it was like a weird shell. Rhodey found you like that and I came by to see if I could help figure it out. It was completely solid, we couldn’t get it open. Jarvis showed me the information on Extermis, but-”

“That’s interesting. How long was I like that?”

“Couple days.”

“Not bad.”

“Not bad? You were just in a coma.”

“Yeah, but I’m alive. I didn’t explode, I feel great. Jarvis, full body scan.”

“You could’ve exploded? Why were you doing this alone in your basement?”

“Because I could’ve exploded.”

“Sir, you’ve grown five inches. Your brain is firing extraordinarily fast-”

“-my organs are all regrown. All of me is.”

“...Yes, sir, that is correct.”

“Let’s see…” The Iron Man undersuit grows from under my skin, covering my body. This… this is cool. I look over at Bruce, thrilled at the outcome.

“Tony, what did you do to yourself?”

“I upgraded. Bruce, I can see everything. I can see through satellite images, I can feel electronic pulses, I’m taller, leaner, check your phone it’s about to ring.” It does.

“...Hello? ...Tony.”

“Yeah.”

“Tony, you’re talking to me on the phone. But you’re right there and you aren’t talking.”

“Oh yeah.”

“This is weird.”

“This is awesome. You have to admit it, Bruce, this is really cool.”

“Your eyes are glowing blue. I’m not sure you aren’t going to explode.”

“It’s fine, I can tell. Jarvis, how tall is Steve?”

“Captain Rogers is six feet tall, sir.”

“How tall am I now?”

“Six feet, one inch.”

“How tall is Thor?”

“Six feet, three inches.”

“Well, I got one of them. Wait, I’ve been in a coma for days, you said. The latest on the incident at the tower- there… They’re saying it’s an accident? That’s the official release?”

“Tony, how are you accessing this?”

“It’s in the computers. In Jarvis, the internet, it’s in my head. Something is missing, it’s not right. It’s not just an accident. How did the interviews go?”

“Uh… Rhodey and Happy ran them, they didn’t find anything suspicious within staff. They’re-”

“I found them.”

“-recorded.”

“Bruce, go home.”

“Tony, I don’t think that’s a good idea. You just turned yourself into a super computer who could, according to you, explode. Don’t you think it would be a good idea to run some diagnostics, make sure you don’t blow your house up?”

“I’ll run them on my own. If I do explode, Hulk will show up, and I don’t feel like that will improve the situation.” He concedes my point, gathering his things and heading out. I wish I could see him out properly, but I’m preoccupied. I run the interviews while I start upgrading my workstation. It’s spooky, to say the least. My brain is feeding me information in a way that feels like I already knew it, but I don’t remember knowing it. I start upgrading Jarvis, other AIs, my suits. I adjust everything for my new height, order clothes online, send the others to donation. I’m working faster than normal, and it’s almost terrifying. I even successfully instal hardware into my body to physically plug into a computer, uploading my consciousness.

Several hours pass, and I’m interrupted by numerous phone calls throughout. Telling people I’m alright, I’m awake, things are okay. Things are better than okay. I work without sleep for three days straight, just upgrading and reorganizing, making things more efficient.

“Sir, your new body still needs rest.”

“I know, J, why do you think I’m on my fifteenth coffee?”

“That is your fiftieth coffee. All you’ve had to eat for three days is two bagels and a cheese sandwich, I recommend you at least have a proper meal.” That does explain a few things. Namely the raging headache and mild nausea I’ve been forcing myself to ignore.

“Okay, aside from that, how am I doing?”

“Perfectly fine, sir. The Extermis appears to be treating you very well.”

“My eyes still blue?”

“Yes, but they’re not glowing all the time.” Just some of the time. Damn… I liked my brown eyes. On the upside, though, I could bleach my hair and dress up as Cap now. That’s going to make Halloween a lot of fun.

“When do they glow?”

“When you access technology mentally, and when your mood becomes unstable.”

“That’s going to make poker difficult.” Well, food first. I take my freshly updated suit out, and it feels like nothing else. The suit moves smoother than before, it feels lighter, more like I’m moving different limbs than piloting a machine. I’m recognised but no one really says anything, I get a few weird looks, and I get back home without incident. Then, I eat a burger and pass out. I sleep, but not well. The dreams are more vivid, like the tapes were directly streamed into my unconscious. It felt like I was there, just watching. Every detail…

I startle myself awake, laying on my workbench with a Burger King wrapper on my chest. “Jarvis, play the audio.” I close my eyes and picture it, running it through my head. Don’t focus on Pepper, no matter how hard you want to, don’t focus on Pepper. Not her voice, not her face, not her struggle. There’s something there. There’s a sound. The frequency is so high pitched, I’m not surprised I didn’t pick it up before. But I don’t know what it is… At least… it’s something new.

For now, I get back to work on new armor. I’m almost done with all of it… the remodeling, new armor, new defense systems. I just wish I understood what happened at the tower, it’s hard to protect against something if you don’t know what it is. My best guess is something like an electrical pulse must have shorted the security systems, it had to have come from further up since there was an evacuation. If everyone else knew to get out, there must have been a reason Pepper stayed behind. If the cameras failed, there was still something else to get everyone out of the building. But why would she stay? Was she on her way out? Was she going back to get something? What could’ve been so important?

“Guess now is as good a time as any.” Trying the new armor out, it flows like a liquid onto me and hardens into armor. All of the functions work, it’s not clunky, paired with the Extermis there’s no delay in command. Thankfully, it takes me to the tower with no issue. When I get there, reconstruction is taking place. No one seems to be wearing hazmat suits of any kind, so it must be deemed relatively safe at least. I try not to get in the way, and spend the next few hours just scouring the entire tower over again. Overlaying video footage, playing the audio through my suit…

Nothing, nothing, nothing. Just a sound. That’s all I have, is a weird sound. A weird, high pitch frequency, that caused ten floors of my building to burst from the inside. Combined with, what? A gas? The initial fire was small, it’s not enough to evacuate the building. Everyone started leaving because the building wide evacuation was signaled, and that tiny fire wouldn’t have done it. There wasn’t a routine drill, but none of the people who were working had any clue why the order was given or who set it off initially. Was it Pepper? Why didn’t she call me sooner, then? How long was her phone not working? ...I’m just going to have to try and recreate it. Buy a piece of land, build a workshop there specifically made for blowing stuff up. That’s going to take some time to get everything set up and together, but I don’t know what else I could do at this point.

So, heading back home, I get started, throwing back a few drinks while I’m at it. There’s a lot of hustle. Buying the land isn’t the hard part, but dragging a bunch of machines is. Guess being the grieving boyfriend is going to do me some good somehow. I call in everyone who is feeling sorry for me, and start the move and construction and pay in food, cash, and whiskey. The first person to show up is Steve, who is immediately caught off guard, I very much enjoy the feeling of looking down at him even though it’s just an inch.

“Tony, what happened? Bruce said you were in a coma, everyone was worried, then you didn’t meet anyone for days after we heard you woke up-”

“Steve, I’m fine. Look at me, I’m perfectly fine.”

“You were fine before.” I wet my lips, smirking, his eyes dart away. Am I making him nervous? 

“Thanks. But, really, it’s like… like I had my own super soldier serum, except it was catered to me. I store part of the armor in the hollows of my bones now, I can make phone calls using my mind, I can sync up with my AIs. I’m taller, faster, stronger, smarter.”

“You were already the smartest guy I know, Tony, I can’t imagine you being any smarter.”

“Me, either. But I am, watch this.” I summon the armor but leave the helmet down, just reveling in the other man’s shock. I can’t remember being this excited to show off a new toy in a long time. Steve reaches out and runs his fingers over the metal.

“That looked like a liquid, but-”

“It’s hard.” I step in a little closer, positive he must be able to smell the scotch on my breath, watching as the metal floats off my skin towards Steve’s fingers when he pulls away. Hearing the door open, my helmet comes up instinctively.

“Are we interrupting?” At Rhodes’ voice, my armor melts off while I go to greet him and Happy.”

“Woah, you look… different.”

"Tony, what'd you do to yourself? Why are your eyes blue?"

"I was just telling Steve, it's modified Extermis."

"You could've killed yourself."

"We do stuff every day that could kill us, I'm pretty sure shooting myself up with a super drug is one of the less dangerous things I've done. Plus, Killian did all of the testing for me. I just had to fix it."

I'm still getting disapproving looks, and I get them from Nat, Bruce, Clint… the only person who shows up who is excited for me is Thor, who still asserts the fact that he's taller and buffer than me. The moving goes by fairly quickly with lots of trucks, I drive one alone with Happy.

"Tony… I just wanted to-"

"Don't do that, Happy, it's not your fault."

"...What about you? You been okay? Aside from using weird science drugs on yourself and drinking."

"Um, that's pretty much it. Weird science drugs, alcohol… Casinos, you know, like the old days."

"Is it true?"

"Is what true?"

"You and Cap."

"Oh! Yeah, he blew my back out, the monster."

"Okay, I didn't-"

"Can you believe the others put him up to it? Bastard is hung like a stallion, I don't know how he walks around with that thing."

"I shouldn't have asked. Look, I just was thinking, you know, you could do worse than Captain America."

"God, Hap, Pepper isn't even cold."

"Hey, you're the one sleeping around."

"Yeah, well… Anyway, Steve was just playing a part. It's not like he wants to be my boyfriend."

"I think he does, Tony."

"Steve can barely stand being in the same room as me half the time."

"Tony, I'm saying this as your best friend-"

"Don't let Rhodey hear that, he'll get jealous."

"-when you aren’t paying attention, Steve looks at you like you look at Pepper."

"...Looked.”

“...I’m just saying, Tony… you’re not as unloveable as you seem to think you are.” I glance over at him for a second before looking back out on the road. I appreciate the sentiment, but I find it hard to believe.

“That was pretty good. You’re definitely in the top three for ‘grieving friend’ speeches. You beat out Rhodey, he just dumps out my alcohol and doesn’t give me a hug just because I didn’t have underwear on. Natasha gave me a hug, though, so.”

“Who’s in first place?”

“Steve, he put his dick in me.” I laugh as Happy chokes on his coffee, turning on music to avoid chancing another heart to heart or something like it. I flex my fingers on the wheel, wishing I had something to drink. Unloading doesn’t take terribly long, but set up does. I have a little food truck set up for us to eat and drink beer while we work, and we all… get along. It’s weird and it makes me feel nervous. Normally something happens to disrupt our peaceful get-togethers, or someone starts fighting with someone else. Too many big personalities in one space, too many ideas, too many enemies… Most of it my fault. Maybe it’s because I’m the cause of it, but I’m too busy delegating tasks for building a bomb room to start a problem.

I do, however, hear Clint and Nat ribbing Steve about our little ‘sleepover’. When I look over, Steve looks absolutely mortified while Clint asks ‘So was he made of iron down there too’. I scoff, turning back to the wall I’m currently knocking out of the building.

“So, I hear you and the Captain have found comfort in each other’s bodies.”

“Wouldn’t call it comfort, Thor. Just good ol’ fashion sex.”

“Well, I think it’s rather sweet. Humans grieving, finding solace in one another using your more animalistic instincts. Of course, it is likely nothing compared to the sex asgardians have, but-” I set down the sledgehammer next to me with a heavy thud, sighing as I turn to face the god himself.

“Take it out.”

“Wh...Take what out?”

“Show me your dick. You’re either trying to hit on me right now, or you’re bragging about your dick. Show me your dick.” Thor poses awkwardly against the wall, looking only slightly less uncomfortable than Happy did in the truck earlier.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Want me to get the others over here? We can all share, I’ll have Natasha close her eyes. Hey, guys! Come here, Nat you stay over there!”

“Why?”

“Boy things.”

“Are you guys going to compare sizes?”

“...Yeah.” She waves us off, going back to setting up some lights. Everyone else disagrees, no doubt thinking their penis will look microscopic next to a literal god’s… also, according to Rhodes, it’s juvenile. Which it is, but that’s not the point. “Alright, just you and me, whip it out. Will you feel better if I take mine out first?”

“I don’t need to see your... package, Stark, I’m sure it is nothing compared to mine.”

“Then show me your dick, Sparky.” I cross my arms, waiting. He laughs a little, starting to undo his belt.

“I’ll warn you, once you see it you will be extremely humbled. You will never be able to see another male genitalia without remembering mine, and feeling disappointment that it’s so much smaller.”

“Still can’t tell if you’re trying to hit on me.”

“Oh, if I were courting you, you would know.”

“Courting me-” I pause when he pulls it out, having a long blink before pressing my knuckles against my mouth. That… that sure is a penis. It’s almost- well it is inhuman. What can you even do with that thing? That’s gotta be too big to be useful, right? I turn around for a second, catching everyone just looking away, before looking back to him. “Okay, zip up, you’ve made your point.”

“Now, show me yours.”

“You just said you didn’t want to see it.”

“Well, your reaction to mine made me curious, now I want to.”

“If I take mine out, they’re going to start saying you and I had sex like Steve and I did.”

“You would be so lucky. Are you afraid I’ll laugh?”

“No, I know you’ll laugh. Mine could be less than an inch smaller and you would laugh.”

“So it’s more than an inch?” I really wish I had died instead of Pepper.

“It’s not small, okay? It’s a good dick. It’s like an inch or two more than average.” I prepare for the humiliation and undo my pants, taking in Thor clearly trying (not very well) to not make a smug face or laugh.

“Well, it’s… a human penis, of course. I’m sure you’re doing well for yourself. I just hope we do not one day have to enter a competition for the Captain’s affections, as I will have much more to work with.”

“Pleased with yourself? Now we’re both idiots with our dicks out.” Title of my biography. We put ourselves away, one of us feeling much more pleased with themselves than the other, and get back to work. Hours pass, and I’m surprised everyone stays with me. They probably have nothing better to do, which is shocking for a group of people who normally are too busy to watch Broadway with me for my birthday. Once the sun started going down, we packed things up and headed back to the tower, where I gave them each a bottle of whiskey and pretended like I wasn’t saving the bulk of it for myself later.

“Tony,” Natasha comes over to me while the others chat, getting ready to go back to their respective homes. “Don’t do anything too stupid, okay? Everyone was worried when Rhodey told us you were comatose. Without you designing suits for us, we’d look like idiots.” I can’t help but smile at that, laughing.

“God, remember what Cap wore before? I’m embarrassed to have been related to the man who designed that.”

“Yeah, you really brought out the muscles.”

“What’s the point of being a superhero if you don’t look sexy doing it? I’m just saying.”

“Oh, please, like you make Steve’s suits for anything other than your own eye-candy.”

“No, but that’s certainly part of it. Can you blame me? He’s a scientific miracle. Hell, my Dad made him almost as much as my Dad made me.”

“...Don’t… don’t say it like that.”

“I know, I regretted it as soon as it came out of my mouth.”

“Maybe you should have Steve put something in it instead.” I give a disapproving look as she walks away from me and waves goodbye. I finish goodbyes with everyone until it’s just Rhodey and Steve who are still here. Rhodey leaves pretty immediately, making a joke about not wanting to get in the way of an intimate moment.

“Thanks for coming.” The words leave an uncomfortable taste in my mouth.

“No problem.” We both stand there awkwardly for a few seconds. “You know, Tony-”

“You’re not in love with me, right?” He looks caught off guard, which… doesn’t tell me anything. “Happy was saying some crazy stuff, like that you wanted to be with me. That’s insane, right?”

“Right. We’re colleagues… who have had… intimate relations.”

“Right. Just two guys who fucked.”

“Right.”

“Right.” This feels… weird. “You wanna… come up?”

“Oh, I don’t… know.”

“You don’t know or no, you don’t?”

“Are you going to be okay? Last time I saw you, you were pretty off.”

“Oh, yeah. I’ll be totally fine. It’s been a long day, I’ll just sleep.” No, no I won’t. I’ll drink very heavily and eventually black out, but I’m not sure I’d call that just sleeping. Steve looks worried and uncomfortable, like he doesn’t believe me but he also doesn’t want to stay. “You should go.”

“Alright. Goodnight, Tony.”

“Night, Cap.” Which is what I’m about to have. Watching as he pulls away in his gross car, I have Jarvis give me updates on the company while I make myself a martini to begin my descent into getting so drunk I can only drink from the bottle. Things are average, stocks are dipping because I didn’t immediately make a warhead to wipe out terrorists and security sales are hurting. I need to come out with something newer and better, but it’s hard to address a specific issue when you don’t know what caused the malfunction.

Laying down on the couch, I turn the videos back on. Isolating sound, manipulating images, the same shit I was doing before. Still yielding no results. I’m really going to be stuck until I can figure out the cause, I’m just torturing myself going over it at this point. I listen to it for another hour before turning it off, switching my focus back to Extermis. Since I shot all of what I had left into me, I have to take samples from my own bloodstream and try to pull it back out that way to make it easier to recreate. Although, frankly, once I get my hands on some better biotechnology, I can just recreate it properly and repurpose it. 

Thinking about it, on my tenth drink, it… pretty much regrew my whole body. I wonder if… it could... bring someone back to life? I mean, that’s not too crazy. If it regrows everything, it would regrow it in working order, right? That’s how the regeneration factor was supposed to work. I might be able to… to bring Pepper back.

“Jarvis, bring the car around. What do I have to make digging things up easier?” Hopefully the decomposition won’t be too severe, and the preservatives won’t cause too many complications. I’m probably going to need to stop at a blood bank, buy extra medical supplies, too. I’m going to need something to keep her heart pumping for blood flow to get things started, something to synthesize brain activity… Heading out, I throw some extra supplies in the car and get going. I bring a few extra suits with me to make digging faster and easier, having Jarvis control the ones I’m not. The blood will have to wait till the morning, the medical equipment is easy to buy online and get same day shipping, everything else I need I should be able to build at home.

Thankfully, it’s the middle of the night so no one is around to see me and three iron men armors grave robbing. Digging takes a long time, even with the four of us, despite the ground still being fairly soft. A couple hours go by, digging and stopping to drink every now and then. I’m sweaty, covered in dirt, exhausted… when I finally reach the casket, I’m somewhere between collapsing from relief and energized by the goal being so close. I get it cleared off, bare knuckling some of it, and get in one of the suits to help pull it out of the ground. Jarvis drives the car back home while me and one of the armors fly with the casket, two staying behind to cover our tracks before flying home as well.

This is definitely the most desperate, crazy thing I’ve ever done. The others will probably commit me if they catch me here with Pepper’s corpse. I open the casket for about two seconds before going to vomit from the sight and smell. Alright… it’s fine. I can figure it out. She’s really, really decomposed; I can… between Extermis and the pod that restores skin tissue, I can… regrow her, or something. Digging out a hazmat suit, I practically have to scoop Pepper out of the coffin with the help of some suits to move her to the pod. I move the casket to the back of the room and throw a tarp over it. I also throw a tarp over the pod. Can’t have anyone seeing it, and I can’t stomach looking at it. How am I going to deal with the smell… I don’t really think a few incense is going to cut it. I can probably build… an extra wall or three… I guess. Something airtight? I’d just get rid of the coffin, but if I can’t get this to work, I need to be able to rebury her in something. Maybe I can just rebury it, get it again later if I need it… I’ll have to wait until tomorrow night, there’s not enough time before sunrise right now.

“Alright… alright, this is fine. It’s fine. I can figure it out. How hard can it be? I’ll move the cars, put the coffin in there and seal it off. Figure out how to keep the smell from getting upstairs… How do serial killers do it?”

“Are you asking genuinely, sir?”

“No, they all got caught.” Can’t ask for help. “Let’s do some studying. J, I’m going to seal off this room. I want you to monitor the pod, let me know when it’s complete or if anything happens.” I go to the garage first, moving out the cars and bikes before putting the coffin in, using a heavy duty sealant I… borrowed from shield a while back. Then, the same for the basement. I take out everything I need to work on and bring it upstairs before sealing that room off. I burn a ton of incense all over and outside of the house, settling down in the kitchen afterward with my laptop and some bourbon.

Between my search history and the amount of chemicals I purchase to whip up a ‘get rid of dead smell’ potion, I’d definitely be arrested if the FBI was monitoring me. Working on recreating a perfected Extermis, getting the smell out of my house, testing it out on rats, trying to revive the rats that don’t just… die. Luckily no exploding, and some rats survive. But the survival rate is so… random. Some of them just get sick and die, others get sick and get covered in a weird scab shell before returning to normal. I can’t get the ones that die to live, and I try just… euthanizing a few rats just to see if I can bring them back using Extermis.

I end up setting up an entire lab in my dining room. I dodge calls, don’t let anyone in the house, eat only when I start to get dizzy, a lot of coffee, a lot of alcohol, no sleep. Eventually I manage to come up with something I can spray in the house to get rid of the dead smell, and I move everything back downstairs. Cars back in the garage, coffin in the basement, I peak at the pod but cover it back up quickly. Not done…

“Jarvis, how long has it been?”

“Three days, sir.” I look at all my rats. The ones that are living well with Extermis I’ll probably take back to the tower to observe when things open back up, the ones who died from Extermis I can probably get rid of. Then, the couple I put down and had on life support along with hooking up their little rat brains to simulate activity using extremely small electrical currents… still nothing.

“What’s the progress?”

“Twenty percent.” God, I wish I could call Thor and have him speed things up. “We gotta speed it up. Start routing power to the pod from… everything else that isn’t you. Two things at a time, start slow so we don’t overload it.” Although Thor literally struck it with lightning and it was fine, so.

“Sir, Colonel Rhodes is approaching the house.” Rushing upstairs, getting undressed as I go, I stop in the bathroom to throw a robe on before going to the kitchen. I don’t have the time to clean up all of it, hopefully it’s fine. I mean, I do science. I’m more of a mechanic, but with Extremis I can pass it off. Besides, it’s not a lie that I’m working on Extremis. I just don’t have to add in the fact that it’s to bring Pepper and a couple of rats back to life.

“Let him in after ten seconds when he gets to the door.” Cleaning up bottles, spraying on some febreze, praying that the stuff I worked out actually does hide dead smell and I’m not just nose blind. For good measure, I grab a pan to make… food. I throw lunch meat on and just pray as the door opens and Rhodey starts making his way to the kitchen.

“Hey! Hey, hey I just got up.”

“Is that why you look like garbage?”

“No, I look like garbage because my girlfriend is dead and I’m deeply in mourning.” He gives me The Look. “I’m allowed to look like garbage.”

“Tony-”

“No, I am. I’m allowed, aren’t I? I’m allowed to not be fine.”

“Woah, woah. Dude, what’s happening right now?”

“I… I don’t know, honestly. I haven’t actually slept in days, James.”

“Aren’t you, like, a cyborg now?”

“What? No. ...No, not technically. What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to see you, man. You keep going dark on all of us, I’m surprised I even got into the mansion today. I just wanted to make sure you’re still alive. That’s burning.” I quickly turn off my charred lunchmeat, having Jarvis open a vent. “You gotta get out of the house, Tony. Shower and shave first, but-”

“I thought you didn’t want me drinking.”

“You don’t have to drink to go out of the house.”

“What’s out there that I can’t have in here, and enjoy more while drunk?” The look again, I sigh and turn away. “Rhodey, please don’t give me that look. I’m very tired, and only slightly intoxicated. But, seriously, what am I going to do out there that isn’t get drunk and sleep around?”

“We could hang out.”

“What are we going to do that isn’t get drunk and sleep around?”

“...Movie?”

“Is that what you told Steve to do before he put his dick in me?”

“No! I told him to keep you busy, and I warned him that you might need extra incentive. I didn’t tell him to sleep with you, he made that call, I just said not to fight with you.” This time, I get to give him the look. “...Alright, I know to you and I, that’s code for ‘you gotta sleep with him’, but Cap doesn’t know that. Besides, he’s been staring at your ass since he thawed out of the ice.”

“No, I’ve been staring at his ass. It’s a national treasure and a scientific miracle.”

“Why were you looking at his ass when you had Pepper?”

“Wh- I had permission! I asked her if I could check out his ass sometimes and she said ‘of course, I look at Thor’s ass’. Thor’s ass isn’t even that good, James. Have you seen his dick? Staring at that, I can understand, but his ass instead of Steve’s? Science created that ass, Thor was just… I don’t know, made from a cloud?”

“You’re getting really worked up about this, and it’s not even because your girlfriend wasn’t looking at your ass… but Captain America’s.”

“You don’t understand, Rhodey. I’m an artist- science? Mechanics? Art. It had to be created, but Steve didn’t even sculpt his own ass! Science did.”

“Your Dad did.”

“Please don’t bring that part up, Steve brought it up when we were making out and it was very… unsettling.”

“Did… Did Cap-”

“Please, don’t make me consider it. Once was enough. Can you imagine having your dad’s sloppy seconds? Don’t tell Steve I said that, I don’t mean he is that, I just mean I don’t want him to be that.”

“Tony, that’s not nice to say regardless. Imagine if someone called your Mom sloppy seconds?”

“Dude… Don’t talk about my Mom like that, I get your point. Burnt ham?” In the garbage it goes. “Look, I-” All the lights shut off. Fuck… I told him to do that.

“Tony, why are the lights off?”

“I’m… conserving energy.”

“Your house runs off clean energy.”

“I’m… still conserving… it?” He doesn’t buy it. I try to be very still and not hint at all at what I’m doing. The last thing I need is to glance in the direction of the basement and set him off. Don’t even think about the basement or the dead body. Think up something convincing. I motion to the table covered in lab equipment. “It’s… I’m…”

“What’s in the basement?” Damn, I didn’t even look at the basement. I never could lie to him.

“Ju- uhhh, same stuff as always.” He moves for the stairs, I hurry to block him. “Seriously, same stuff as always. Just- just all the same shit. Suits, that one car, oh I’m working on a motorcycle for Steve. That’s- that’s nice, right? A nice thanks for fucking me gift?”

“What’s in the basement, Tony?”

“Okay, okay… I’m experimenting on some rats with the Extermis recreation I’m working on. I’ve got it better than Killian, it’s not the modified version I used, I’m trying to create a regular vaccine. For, you know… cancer.”

“Then why are you hiding it from me?”

“It’s… unstable. I have monster rats in my basement. They mutated really weird, it’s like Splinter from the Ninja Turtles, but five of them.” I can physically feel him not believing me, but he takes a step back.

“I can tell when you’re lying to me. I’ll let it go for now, because you look crazy and I can handle regular Tony in a fight but you’re all weird right now and I don’t want to have to knock your ass out.” Oh, oh thank god. I don’t know how I would’ve dealt with Rhodey finding out what I’m doing. “Get cleaned up, I’m taking you out.”

“Like on a date?”

“I’ll allow you to call it one, only because you’re depressed.”

“God, finally. I’ve only been waiting for you to ask me out since college. Do you know how many jealous looks I’ve been giving your girlfriends?”

“Please, shut up. This is why I would never date you. I don’t know how Pepper put up with your ass.” He says that because he thinks I’m just being obnoxious, and I am purposely being obnoxious, but it’s also not entirely a lie.

“Do you want to come shower with me, see it first hand? I’ll even let you touch.”

“I’m going to go downstairs and fight those rats if you keep this up.” I put my hands up, surrendering and going upstairs to get cleaned up.

“J, route power back to the doors. Don’t let him down there.” Mumbling on my way up, voicing it out of habit despite the fact that I only need to do it mentally thanks to Extremis. Going to have to get used to that… Honestly, I don’t really want to go out with Rhodey. Yes, he’s my best friend (sorry, Happy), and I love him. But… “Jarvis, notify me as soon as the pod is at ninety-five. Monitor the rats, too. Make sure the ones that aren’t dead yet are enjoying what time they have left, tell me if there are any changes. What’s Rhodes doing? Nevermind I know what he’s doing.”

“Anything else, sir?”

“Uhh, yeah, be honest, does Cap stare at my ass?”

“I can review previous footage if you don’t care to do it yourself, sir.” Is he being cute with me just because I can access video footage with my brain now? That’s so not cool… god, I’m good at my job, he’s such a good AI. “I appreciate the compliment, even if it mostly strokes your ego.”

“Don’t read my mind.”

“You’re imposing it on me, sir. Your thoughts are going into my information stream.”

“Well… ignore me unless I open my mouth for now. Until I get that under control.”

“Ignore you, sir?”

“Yup. Unless it’s really important and I can’t say it out loud, don’t be a smart ass when I need you.”

“Would you prefer I be a dumb-ass, sir?”

“This is exactly what I’m talking about.”

“I learned from the best. You did create me, after all.” I look at the ceiling, disapproving… a little proud. Taking a quick shower and shaving, I got dressed and headed downstairs. Having a few quick shots of espresso, I follow Rhodey on the way out. Getting into his military issue tragedy of a car, I recline it and stretch out.

“So, where are we headed, my dear?”

“Oh, you’ll see. It’s not really my scene, but I know you’ll love it.” That’s… what do Rhodey and I not have in common? I spend the trip playing twenty questions, trying to guess where we’re going. The drive isn’t terribly far, but we show up at what can only be described as the rich person’s nut house.

“A spa? You’re not committing me, are you?”

“No, I got us a couple’s spa day, because you’re a pain in my ass and we both need to relax.”

“Rhodey… this is the nicest thing you’ve ever done for me. I cannot wait to lay side by side, naked, getting rubbed down together.”

“Why am I even friends with you?”

“You’re madly in love with me.”

“Oh, you wish.” We head inside together, and it’s actually nice. Cucumber water, exfoliating massage, seaweed wraps, mud bath, mani-pedis, deep tissue massage, aroma therapy. I should bring Pepper here once she’s… alive, again. Hopefully rerouting the power in the house will speed things up, get things done sooner. I wonder what’ll happen when I bring her back? Will it still be Pepper, if everything is different? I have to regrow so much of her, what if her consciousness doesn’t recover? If there’s not enough of the original DNA, she could just end up coming back as a vegetable or even a newborn. I can’t tell just by testing on rats for anything other than ‘isn’t a vegetable’, but I haven’t even gotten one to come back to life at all yet. I’ve had two get to the cocoon stage after death while sending electrical signals through their brains and simulate a heartbeat, but they don’t come back to life after.

Aaah, fuck. I wish I knew more smart people who wouldn’t judge me for this. Even if I do manage to bring Pepper back, things are going to be crazy. Bringing someone back from the dead like that won’t be any small feat, and while I rarely do something crazy that doesn’t garner public attention, this is different. People have mourned her, she’s legally dead. Is Pepper going to be happy that I bring her back? Of course she will, right? Who would want to stay dead? Aside from people who wanted to die- but Pepper didn’t! There was still so much she had wanted to do! This isn’t… this isn’t like the big bunny of all grand gestures. It’s saving her life. If she hates it, I… I don’t know. I don’t know what I’ll do if she hates it, but if she decides to leave me, at least she’ll be alive. Probably safer is she does resent me for it, go spend a more peaceful life somewhere else. Be bright, beautiful, and healthy someplace safer than next to me. As long as she’s okay, that’s enough. Even if she hates me, as long as she’s okay, that’s enough.

I fall asleep at some point during a hydro massage, jerking awake when someone touches my shoulder, scaring both of us. Sighing and apologizing when I realize where I’m at, I pull myself together and stretch. Finding Rhodey in the sauna, I sit down with him.

“I’ve had so many different massages today, my body feels like jello.”

“How are you feeling?”

“I just said: jello.”

“No, Tony, like… how are you feeling?”

“Oh, I’m alright.” Sort of. “Just a lot on my mind, like always.”

“For someone who never thinks before he acts, you’ve always had a busy head.”

“That’s not true, I always think before I act. Maybe not enough, but I think. Pepper always said my downfall would be my inability to accept the possibility of failure. She’s probably right. One of these days, I’m going to have an amazing idea, only for it to bite me in the ass later.”

“Tony, that’s happened multiple times.”

“Yeah, but nothing I couldn’t come back from yet.” Yet.

“What about this Extermis thing? How do you know you’re still you?”

“I… what?”

“Jarvis said all of your organs were changing when you were in a coma. If all of you is different, are you still you? Or are you like… artificially you? Like an AI?”

“It’s not… Well, it… I’m still me.” I… I think. “It didn’t rewrite me entirely. It just upgraded me. It’s like… like a really, really impressive boob job. Different material, still boobs.”

“Yeah, you definitely are still a boob.”

“I know that’s an insult but everyone loves boobs.” Rhodey agrees with me there, both of us laughing. It’s nice, and I almost forget I literally am hiding a skeleton in the closet from him. We peel out of the sauna after a little while, shower, and then go to grab a bite to eat. Rhodey heads to the bathroom at some point and I busy myself with connecting to Jarvis mentally, checking on the progress of the pod and rats. No new changes, progress has picked up, no sign of organic brain activity on anything that wasn’t already alive when I left.

But peace can only last so long, as a distinct sound starts ringing in my ears. That high pitched noise from the video. I look around for something, anything out of place. Is this place going to explode? Do I warn everyone to get out? But there was some reason to evacuate before the place exploded before, so the goal isn’t to murder people if this sound is an indication of something happening on purpose. The last thing I want to do is freak people out-


	5. Chapter 5

“Mr Stark?” Nearly screaming in surprise as a hand was on my shoulder, I turned to look, a young woman standing there. “Do you know me?”

“Uhhh, should I?” Crap, please don’t be someone I slept with who now wants to kill me, that’s so much to deal with right now. She looks too young to be someone I slept with, maybe early 20s, unless I slept with her very recently. Short straight black hair, super pale skin, slender, looks like she rides a motorcycle from her outfit. The only thing confusing me is I can’t tell what color her eyes are. Brown and... red? Like, brown with pieces of red undertone? Is that a real eye color or really, really impressive color contacts?

“My father works for you.”

“Yeah? What’s his name?” Though, I doubt I’ll remember.

“Tony, who are you talking to?” I look over to Rhodey, then back to the girl… who is gone. Ohhh… no. Ohhhhh no. Have I gone too long without sleep? The sound is gone, the girl is gone. “Tony.”

“No one. It’s the Extermis, I think. My brain is processing so much information at once, it’s… causing mild hallucinations. Are you cold?”

“No, it’s like ninety-five degrees.” Why am I cold? Am I having a panic attack? Normally I get hot with those, not cold. Though now I’m definitely am having a panic attack about having a panic attack. Extremis couldn’t fix this? All the shit it changed in me made me even smarter, hooked me up mentally to the internet, but can’t get rid of my anxiety? Standing up quickly, I take myself outside, head pounding while Rhodey follows behind me. His voice sounds distant, I can’t understand what he’s saying.

Something is wrong, something is definitely wrong. I shove Rhodes’ hands off me when they touch my shoulders.

“Don’t- don’t.” I’m not going to explode, I’d be hot. “Sorry. I just- I’m freaking out.”

“Yeah, I see that. What’s wrong? What can I do?”

“Nothing, it’s fine. I just… I just need to breathe. I gotta figure out what’s happening, something isn’t right.”

“Something new isn’t right?”

“I feel like… there’s just so much going on with my brain. The Extermis changed me, but not my actual mental capacity. I’m being overloaded, I think. Which, you know, pairs great with severe anxiety and PTSD.”

“Okay, so… we downgrade you. Get you back to normal.”

“No, I want to keep it. I just need to learn how to manage it. Um… you ever hear of those sensory deprivation tanks or whatever? Like- it’s like a pool with salt that you float in and you can’t feel anything and- and they can turn on music or whatever. I need something like that, to unplug for a second. I have to figure out how to do that.”

“So, let’s find a sensory deprivation place.”

“I-” Don’t want to be alone with my thoughts. I want to drink. Dull it. I’m too sober. God, it feels like I’m short circuiting. “I’m okay, I just… I just need to breathe.” I sit down on the ground against a wall, Rhodey sitting next to me quietly. He doesn’t touch me, doesn’t say anything, just stays with me. I just need to slow things down… I just need to slow down. I try to not hear people murmuring around us, I mentally shut down the phones that are around us within a certain distance so they can’t start posting about my mental breakdown online.

Plus, I hold my hand out to Rhodey next to me, and he laces our fingers together so I can squeeze it to ground myself. I don’t mind, but he probably doesn’t want pictures online circulating of us on the ground holding hands. We stay like that for what feels like an hour but is more like ten minutes before I let go of his hand and rub my face.

“Okay… I’m okay. I’m okay, sorry. Thanks for… holding my hand and sitting with me.”

“What? You don’t gotta thank me, man, I’m here for you.” Man, I love him.

“I would marry you if you were gay, you know that.”

“Obviously.”

“Like, I could just kiss you right now. I would blow you here in front of everyone. You know I used my mind to turn their phones off? No one would even have a recording of me blowing you- no one would believe them.”

“You always make it weird.”

“Hey, you choose to stay my friend.” I let him pull me off the ground and we head back over to the car. “Thank you, seriously, for taking me out. I really appreciate it, I mean it.”

“Don’t mention it. Just try to keep your shit together. Maybe relax on experimenting on rats, go sunbathing on an island, race some cars, make a sand castle.”

“I will eventually. You wanna go with? Make it a honeymoon. I’m thinking Japan?”

“Tony, you’re not allowed there anymore.”

“Oh, fuck, I keep forgetting. I was just thinking about getting sake recently, too… Bahamas?”

“Why don’t you take Steve?”

“Wh… why would I take Steve?”

“Because I’m busy, and not your boyfriend.”

“Steve isn’t my boyfriend, Rhodes.”

“Not yet, he’s not.”

“Rhodey, I don’t know how I could make it anymore obvious that I’m madly in love with you. Pepper was clearly just a beard, I’ve been in love with you since the day we met. I called your name when Steve was fucking me.” Ah, the look. “Eyes on the road.”

“You’re ridiculous, you know that?” I can’t help but laugh. “If I didn’t know you better, I’d think you were being serious.”

“What would you do if I was serious?”

“Have sex with you.”

“What- really?!”

“No, I’d tell you I’m straight. But, if I were gay, I still wouldn’t be with you since you’re annoying as hell.” Ha! He loves me, too.

“So… no road head?” We have a good laugh, turn on some music, and take a nice drive. I do actually relax, this time. We rock out to the classics, I lean my head outside the window to feel the wind, recline the seat to stretch out, eventually fall asleep again. My dreams are… empty, dark. Like I’m swimming in an abyss, with the feeling like I’m being swallowed into something. The sound from the surveillance footage plays, and I can feel something crawling on my back.

Rhodey wakes me up when we get back to the house, and I gasp like I was suffocating. “I’m okay. I’m okay.” Sighing, I rub my face, sitting up slowly. “I’ll see you later, okay? Tell me when you get home.” Leaning over, and continuing to lean further as Rhodey moved away, I plant a kiss on his shoulder before escaping from the car so he can’t swat me away. The power is still mostly out in the house, but I redirect some power to the lights as I move through the rooms.

“Alright… first things first, Jarvis, bring up the facial reconstruction simulator.” Let’s see if I can figure out who this girl was. I try hooking myself up to the computer physically, pulling up the memory and picking her out. But… I can’t remember her face. Everything else is clear, it was just a few hours ago, but her face is blurred out. No matter how hard I focus, I can’t seem to remember it.

“All brain patterns appear normal, however it appears as if there is a psychological block.”

“Meaning?”

“Your mind has manually removed the information. Like suppressing a memory.”

“Okay, why?”

“This is often a symptom of trauma.”

“But nothing traumatic happened. All she said was her father works for me, and then she disappeared when Rhodey came by. Like- like a ghost, or something.”

“Perhaps she’s gifted. Like the Maximoff siblings, or the boy in Queens.” Hm… Hmm, hmm, hmm. “There are also the X-Men. I would suggest contacting them, but I doubt they’ll be able to help if you can’t remember her face.”

“They’re not really my fans, anyway.” I can’t even scan archived security footage to see if she’d been at the tower at any point, or find her Father in the system, because I have no way to recognize her. How can I not remember her face? I know she was pale and her eyes were a weird color, but I can’t remember what color that was. But she’s definitely connected to… something. Her Dad works at Stark Industries, that same sound played when she showed up… if she’s got powers, maybe they went out of control?

“Jarvis, did any of the workers bring their kid in that day?”

“No, sir. None were recorded, at least.” Of course not. “Sir, there-” Jarvis cuts out and the power follows suit. I can hear it, that sound again. She’s here, in the house, or the area. I unplug and start my way up slowly, trying to watch for any weird girls or things that might explode and melt me. I check my phone, but it doesn’t work. This has to be why Pepper couldn’t call me, all of the electronics went down… it was probably broken by the time the power came back on.

“Hello?” I call out to nothing, there’s no response. I can’t access any electronics with Extermis, either. Can’t summon the armor. I gotta start thinking old school one of these days, a little less electronic and a little more mechanic if these things are going to happen. I feel hands run up my back and turn quickly, but there’s still nothing there.

“Mr Stark.” I turn back around, the girl from before is there. It’s dark, I can’t see her well in the shadow.

“Hi there. I didn’t catch your name before.”

“Madeline.”

“Madeline…?”

“Krade.”

“Madeline Krade. You already know who I am, you can call me Tony. Did you turn off the power?”

“It’s complicated. It was me, but it wasn’t me.”

“That does sound complicated. Can we turn them back on?”

“No. He doesn’t like being recorded.” Oh, great, more than one person here to murder me. “I came to apologize.”

“For what?”

“Miss Potts.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“I caused the accident.”

“How did you do that?.” Fuck, I have to remember. Krade… Krade, Krade… who is it? Who in the weapons department was named Krade? My brain is still working overtime with Extermis but there’s nothing coming up. Did I never meet him?

“I… I didn’t mean for her to get killed. I told him I just wanted there to be some damage, something that would hurt Stark Industries after- after it put my Dad’s company out of business.”

“Who?”

“I don’t know his name, he won’t tell me.” Her voice is shaking- she’s terrified.

“It’s okay. That’s okay, why don’t we just talk? Just explain everything to me, and we’ll figure something out. You’re just a kid, I’m not going to hurt you. Why don’t you just step into the light from the window so I can see you?” She steps forward slowly, easing herself into the moonlight. Her veins are showing straight through her skin, and her eyes are entirely black. That’s… terrifying.

“He promised he’d leave me alone if I lead him here.”

“Lead who here, Madeline? You don’t know his name, I know, but-” I feel a dozen hands grab me from behind, I try to turn around but I can’t. “Madeline-” A hand covers my mouth and pulls me down backwards, everything goes black.

I wake up in the basement, groggy and sore. The power is back on, I can hear the hum of the pod working on Pepper.

“Jarvis?”

“Good afternoon, sir.”

“What happened?”

“Last night, there was someone approaching the house. The power shut off when I attempted to alert you, I only came back on about an hour ago. You’ve been asleep on the floor, there’s no recording of the last twelve hours.” Okay, so he can’t tell me how I got down here. I have him scan me, and my body is fine. Brain is fine, too. I definitely didn’t just get blackout drunk and have a weird nightmare, the power really did go out, even the backup.

“Bring up information on a Madeline Krade.” One of the screens boots up and I make myself some coffee while I listen to Jarvis read it out to me. College sophomore, average grades, health, family income. Her father owned a coal mining and processing company, must have put him out of business when I started mass production for clean energy. Gareth Kade- what kind of name is Gareth? -committed suicide earlier this year after a financial downfall. Alright, so a revenge plot. “Show me a picture of Madeline, please.” All of the pictures Jarvis can access from school records, social media, events… I don’t recognize her. I try to remember what she looked like last night, but I… can’t. I plug in again, search my memory, but all that comes up is a blurred image. Even when I look at the pictures of her, then look away, I can’t remember what she looks like.

“J, describe her face to me.”

“I... cannot.”

“What do you mean you can’t?”

“I am unable to process her facial features. It seems there is something blocking it.”

“But I can look at the picture right there.” At least it’s not just me, I guess. “Here, I’ll describe her to you. Just draw up a hologram while I do.” But I can’t. I try to, but I can’t. Like the words just leave my brain as soon as I start to say them. I try having him save the photos, copy my memory while I look at them, make up a hologram that way. Nothing works. Wait, why did Madeline say her dad worked for me?

“Records of Gareth at Stark Industries?” The weapons division… that makes sense. Put him out of two jobs. Even though I made sure everyone stayed on their feet after I dissolved it… It’s not like everyone in the coal industry are monsters, either. Yeah it’s shit for the environment, but even if they weren’t people I personally fired, I put a lot of people out of work. I scroll through more information on Madeline, finding out she’s been dipping her toes in the occult. That’s disconcerting.

I’m exhausted… Aliens, gods, super soldiers, assassins, SHIELD, wizards… now what? Demons? I have to add demons to the list of things I have to become familiar with? I finish the coffee and grab something a little stronger. Extremis will take hold of all the information for me, I can just drink myself unconscious. Stay plugged in, download, get drunk, maybe die from alcohol poisoning.

I relax with my feet up on the table while the information pours into my brain, my brain making connections without me remembering learning some things while I focus on a few things at a time. Pepper is still half baked… When was the last time I got high? I should do that again sometime. If the others are still feeling bad for me, maybe I can rope them into hanging out and smoking. I should take advantage of the fact that they’re all pretending to like me because my girlfriend is dead, get some face time with everyone… Can’t do it here, though. Dead body and everything.

How do I even get weed these days? It’s not recreational in New York yet, and I can’t be caught doing a drug deal. Can you imagine that? Iron Man doing jail time for marjiuana? I’d snitch on me for the amount of money and the deal you could get for that. I could fly someplace it’s legal, bring it back over… but I probably shouldn't. We could always all go to California. Didn’t Rhodey want me to get some sun and fresh air? We could all go, get really high, fuck around a little. Though even high, Rhodey never wanted to fuck around a little with me. Maybe if he gets high, Cap will fuck me again. Can he even get high? It takes a lot to get him drunk. God, I’m drunk already. How much have I had to- what? Where did I even get six bottles of wine? I only brought one over with me?

“Jarvis how long have I been doing this?”

“Two hours, sir.” What? Two hours?

“How many times have I gotten up?”

“Five times, sir.”

“Show me that footage, times eight speed.” Right before I started, my eyes were blue. About two minutes in, they start glowing red. “What’s that? Why are my eyes doing that?”

“It appears to be due to uncharacteristically high spike in your limbic system.”

“Like I was feeling… too much of an emotion?”

“Yes, something like that.”

“More than I have been recently?” Apparently so. That doesn’t make any sense, I’ve been crazy emotional. I wasn’t even feeling anything that strongly right now aside from the usual levels of despair with a little extra for Pepper. Though, in the video, I notice… I fall asleep it looks like. Did… did I pass out without realizing it? Then sleepwalk to get more alcohol? That doesn’t make any sense.

“You weren’t really asleep, sir. Your brain activity suggested you were fully lucid.”

“You didn’t try to say anything when I got my sixth bottle of wine?”

“That part was not uncharacteristic of you.” Mm. That… nevermind. It must be Extermis. My brain must have… lapsed or something. I unplug for now, figuring the info cramming is probably the cause. I start back on my little rat project, hoping the entire bottles of wine I consumed won’t end with me electrocuting myself. I want to die, but not really like that. While getting shocked is certainly fun at times, it’s also not super pleasant when you don’t want it.

I spend the rest of the evening working, checking on Pepper, and signing whatever papers Jarvis faxes out for me. He’s handling the company well, which is a relief. I can tell Rhodey and Steve that it was a good idea, after all. Once it’s well past midnight, I grab a blanket and sleep in my chair, telling Jarvis to wake me once the test I start are finished.

When I wake up next, I don’t remember having a nightmare, but my heart is racing and I’m drenched in a cold sweat. Shivering, I wrap the blanket around me and look around, an uneasy feeling in the room.

“Jarvis, turn the air conditioner off.”

“It is off, sir. For some reason it’s the room itself that is cold. Temperature in the rest of the house is normal, and it’s seventy-eight degrees outside, but in the lab it is currently fifty-five degrees.”

“Why?”

“I’m not sure, sir. There is no clear reason.” I get up and go check the pod, my feet stinging a little from the cold concrete. The pod is still running normally, and it’s warm from working. I head upstairs, and as soon as I close the door to the basement behind me, I’m immediately warmed up. I can probably… worry about that later. Oh, the rats! I should bring some of them back up since it’s so cold down there. I put the blanket on the back of a chair, get some slippers, and go back downstairs, only to find the rats all alive. All of them.

Running over to them, I place them one at a time on a scanner to see if they all have a regulated system. Making sure they’re really alive with no mutations or other issues. They all seemed perfectly fine. Just regular, healthy rats. I… what do I do with these? I… can’t just… get rid of these upgraded rats. They’re like super rats, I might create some weird new rat population issue. Maybe I’ll just keep them. Pets are probably nice. I’ve never really… had one. You and Dum-e were probably the closest things I had, but they were more like family than a pet. Oof, that sounds depressing. Saying my robots are my family… it’s true, but it really highlights my daddy issues.

I take the rats upstairs, and look at some information about keeping pet rats. I make them something to actually live in, toys, food and water… a nice little rat paradise. The girl rats get one side, the boys another. I’m not sure what breeding with Extermis would bring and I don’t particularly care to find out right now. Now… I just wait for Pepper to be done. It’d probably be good to start doing tests on larger animals, but it’s probably fine. What’s the worst that could happen? Pepper stays dead?

Fuck, there’s so much I have to do. Bring Pepper back, figure out why my brain is acting up, fix Rhodey’s legs, find out more about the boy in Queens… Okay, well, Pepper is the thing that needs the most waiting. Nothing I can really do to speed up the process of fully rebuilding her. I guess I’ll do my brain next... I can’t use Extremis on Rhodes until I’m done with Pepper, since I’d have to bring him downstairs to monitor him. I could call Bruce and… Strange? I don’t really want to ask for help, but… I mean, I can probably just do this on my own. Yeah, I definitely can handle it on my own. I’ll just run some tests, then if I need brain surgery or something I’ll call for help. Are you awake during brain surgery? Maybe I could do it myself, then. Get a mirror. Like… cutting your own hair. Sounds doable. Probably.

I throw on some warmer clothes and head back downstairs, only to find out it’s now much warmer. Ditching my socks and shirt for now, I hook myself up to some machines for an electroencephalogram. My brain works a little more overtime now with Extremis, which is to be expected. Everything seems to be firing normally considering. Maybe it was because of exhaustion? It hadn’t been that long since I slept, had it? Wasn’t I just passed out on the floor before? That didn’t count as sleep? Even if whatever Madeline lead here had knocked me unconscious, it should’ve counted as my body resting. What did Madeline even… lead here, anyway? Did she leave it here? Did it do something to me? Did it go with her?

Okay, for now, the mansion is off limits to anyone but me. Until Pepper is better and I can figure out what happened with Madeline, I just won’t have guests. I’m not getting any readings for anything wrong with me, and there’s nothing going off for the house except the basement being weirdly cold a little while ago. I can’t remember Madeline’s face to save my life, neither can Jarvis, so probably no one else can, either. Man, that must be hard on her. Hopefully that’s something she can trigger and not something that just always occurs. Very weird.

For now, Queens. “Jarvis, give me all of the relevant Queen’s spider child information. Anything that’ll help me track him and pin down his identity.” Getting that streamlined straight into my brain, I get ready to go out. I want to take my new armor, but if I’m trying to be covert while I figure out who this guy is, I can’t just be out there all chrome and beautiful. God, is that new armor gorgeous. I still love the iconic red and gold, the occasional black or silver, but the liquid chrome look is so sleek. You can see your reflection in it, and it’s liquid that turns into solid metal and back again. Super rad. 

I suit up and head out. Queens is a short trip from the city, a couple minutes further from Steve by car, but I’m flying. I actually figure out who the kid is before I get there, the information analysis being much easier than I anticipated considering Mr Parker hadn’t revealed his identity. If people just focused a little more it would be obvious. School should be out pretty soon… I can always meet him at his apartment. Stopping about a block away, I walk the rest to try and be a little less… loud. As much as I can with my three piece armani suit, perfectly coiffed hair, and ridiculously expensive sunglasses.

I use the buzzer and… notice there’s no security cameras. How am I supposed to introduce myself to his Aunt?

“Who is it?”

“Tony Stark.”

“...Who?”

“Uh- like who as in who is that, or who as in you didn’t hear me…?” It’s been a long time since I’ve had to introduce myself.

“Who is that?”

“I’m a mechanic. I do… science and mechanics. Uhh, my Dad created Captain America? Uh… Iron Man? I brought my suit, if that- well it’s a new design, so maybe that wouldn’t help.”

“Wow… you’re really struggling with this, huh?”

“Well, it’s been a while since I last had to do it.”

“Uh-huh, sure. Listen, you’re doing a really good Tony Stark impression, but there’s no way he would be here.” Fair enough. No security camera and all.

“Just look out your window.” I’d fly up there if I knew which window it was and that it wouldn’t be extremely creepy if I did. I stand outside and look up from the sidewalk, waiting to see who would peek their headout. I know what Miss Parker looks like, so I should be able to spot her. A window opening catching my attention, I smile as she sticks her head out and visibly panics at seeing me. Waving, I also have the suit materialize next to me. I motion to it dramatically, absolutely eating up her panic. May motions for me to come up, so I do.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I really thought it was just some scam.”

“That’s okay. Tony.” I hold out my hand, she shakes it. I don’t tell her I already know her name.

“May. May Parker. Um… what- why are you here?”

“I’m here to see Peter.” Though part of me wants to wine and dine May Parker, instead. “I know it’s a little early for him to come home, but I wanted to meet with you first. You’re his legal guardian, right?”

“Yes, his parents… passed.” Knew that already, but I say that it’s unfortunate but it’s good that he has her to rely on.

“I wanted to tell you about a work opportunity for him. Peter’s potential is enormous, and I’m running a scholarship program right now for creative minds like him. It wouldn’t be anything danger-”

“Didn’t Stark Tower… just explode?” Ouch.

“...Yeah, the building isn’t back together yet, but Peter would be working outside of the office. We have a temporary office set up right now, he’d be working there, first. It would be an internship.”

“I… I mean that all sounds really great Mr Stark-”

“Please, Tony.”

“Tony… I just… I don’t want Peter to be somewhere dangerous. I know it was ruled an accident, but Peter is still really young. I wouldn’t want him to work somewhere where… that… can happen.”

“I completely understand. But the temporary office has no testing being done, it’s just to monitor what we already have set up. He’d be looking at things like our intellicrops, and how we run our merchandise. It’s all computer work, nothing dangerous.”

“Aunt May, I’m home. Do you know if we have any bananas left? My-” I turn to see the arach-kid, who just stares at me, clearly startled. “You’re Tony Stark.”

“You’re aunt didn’t believe me, can you tell her that?”

“Wh-”

“It’s okay, I’m just joking. Actually, we were just talking about you. Let’s take a walk.”

“Peter, remember, you don’t have to do anything he says just because he’s rich.” I look back at May, feeling a little offended considering I felt like we had started bonding a little. I wait until we’re a few decent feet away from the apartment before I start.

“So, first things first, what’s that guy who has been doing the work around Queens these days? Just swinging around on what looks like a web?”

“Spider-man?”

“Spider-man? That’s…” Generous. “Anyway, I know who he is.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, I was wondering if you could do something for me. Do you think you would be able to do try and track him down for me? Get me some nice Spider-man pictures?”

“Of… who he is or just of him as Spider-man.”

“Both.”

“I-I don’t know how I’m going to do that, sir.”

“It’s easy, watch.” I grab my phone, bring myself to his height and snap a selfie with him. “See?”

“I- I’m not-”

“Listen, Mr Parker, I won’t tell anyone. That’s up to you. If you want to keep your identity a secret, I respect that.” I motion for him to keep walking with me. “But I’m joking, I don’t need pictures. I want you to intern for me.”

“At Stark Industries?”

“And as an Avenger.”

“What?!”

“Shh! Kid, do you want this to be a secret or not?”

“I-I’m sorry. Yes. Yes, I- I’d love to do that.”

“Here’s the thing. Part of it’ll be a summer internship, like a… boot camp sort of thing. We have a training facility set up specifically to train people with powers. You clearly don’t need any help getting a handle on things. But I still want you to go for a month, just to get some basic tactics and understanding of fighting things that could most certainly kill you. You following? During the other seasons, we can focus on other things.”

“Yes, sir. That sounds- that sounds amazing.”

“Okay, good. If you do well, I’ll consider showing you my workshop sometime.”

“Really?”

“Sure. Make sure you network, too. There might be a future for you at Stark Industries and the Avengers. I’ll decide based on how you do with an internship. Okay, I’ll keep in contact. Keep an eye out for the mailman. I’ll send you a package.” The armor forms on me, and I try not to look like I’m fully soaking in the awe in his face when it does. “Oh, also, one of these days you’re going to teach me about your web tech. Again, up to you, but I think it’d be more fun if you taught me rather than me doing the research on my own. Either way, I’m going to figure it out, so… alright, good talk.” I take off, feeling pretty settled with that, and head to Brooklyn.

I don’t… know what I’m doing in Brooklyn, honestly. I doubt Steve will sleep with me again, much less in the middle of the day, considering he doesn’t seem to want to anymore. But I need to kill a few hours… I’ll probably have a better chance at fucking Steve if I wait until later. I could do more occult research, I guess. Then go get some drinks, then try to have sex with Steve. I should probably tell the others, or at least Fury, that I’ve recruited the spider kid… I’ll just go with him on the first visit to the facility, introduce him then. Maybe not to Fury… or Maria. Maybe… God, who even works there anymore that I trust with this kid? Who is in charge of training these days? Is it Cap? Cap and… Romanoff maybe? His one friend Sam, the bird… guy?

I’ll just- it’s fine, I can think about it later. For now, the occult. I visit a lot of ‘witch shops’, lots of fun stones that don’t look like they could kill me for once. Crystals, potions (I take a few sex ones for fun later, well I pay for them I don’t take them- I’m getting off topic), some books. I stop by some black magic type… things that are more off grid. Curses, sacrifices, summonings. Stop by a few different churches, visit some priests, ask if I can watch an exorcism. That last stretch of holy things is… weirdly difficult to stomach. I’m uneasy the whole time, and physically sick when I watch an exorcism.

I head back home at the end of the day, taking another shower and brushing my teeth before throwing on a fresh three-piece and taking myself out to the VIP section of the most expensive club. I steal some weed off of someone, figuring it’s that or leave the state, and no one notices. I get high in the bathroom after an hour of throwing back alcohol. It becomes very hard to stay upright once I’m cross-faded enough. I sit down and try to just enjoy a lap dance, and it’s nice, but something tugs at the back of my mind.

Stuffing a couple hundreds in the girl’s underwear before standing up, only for her to push me back down and get in my lap facing me. She kisses me, and she tastes like long island iced tea, and really aggressively grinds her hips against me while her hands run up and down my chest. We are super in public, and it takes a lot of willpower to not have sex with her in the chair.

Kind of nudging her off me, I set her down in the chair and move to go stand in the ally and get some fresh air, convince myself not to fuck her in public. I find some library to sit in down the street while I sobered up a little, everyone either being too nervous or too polite to call the cops on me. Once I’m less drunk yet more blazed, I pull myself out of the library and take the suit over to Steve’s. Happy said Steve wants to be my boyfriend or whatever, right? I press the door buzzer to Steve’s apartment. I know this place has cameras because I installed them for free… I’ll probably do that for Peter’s, too.

“Tony?”

“Cap, let me up.” Hearing the door unlock, I go in and make it into the elevator. I lean against the back wall of the elevator, feeling like I was moving in slow motion while I stared at the ceiling. I feel lost and weird. I don’t know why I’m here. Especially since I’m reviving Pepper, this is infidelity, right? Being lonely isn’t a very good reason. Feeling like I’ve lost my sanity a little isn’t either. There’s no good excuse. Maybe if things were reversed, I could see reasons to cheat on me. I certainly wouldn’t appreciate it, but I’ve never been the best partner. I’ve certainly tried, but… Nevermind. It’s just sex. It’s just sex, I’m alone, I’m depressed, I just…

I shake my head a little, trying to focus. It’s extremely hard, I should not have smoked two blunts in such quick suggestion- succession. Fuck, come on Stark, focus up. What’s… why are you here? What do you want from Steve? The guy isn’t in love with you, he probably won’t sleep with you. You’re just avoiding the bed back home. The elevator doors open, and there he is waiting for me, looking concerned and judgemental as always. God he’s good looking. I stay in the elevator, holding the door open with a suit hand. I motion for Steve to come to me, and he does.

I pull him in the elevator, close the doors, push in the stop elevator button, and latch onto him before he can finish asking me 'what's going on'. He kisses me back at first, but starts pulling away when I reach around to grab his ass.

"Tony, what if someone needs the elevator? There's a camera, we're practically in public." I don't get discouraged, kissing his neck while he tries to hold me at bay.

"We’ll be fast, the camera is off, see?” I motion over to it, turning it off in the same motion. This would be quite the show, though. Iron Man and Captain America fucking in a public elevator. I’d obviously save it for myself and delete all other copies, but whatever security is watching it now would get a fun story to tell that no one would believe due to lack of proof. Or, maybe they would believe it. There’s rumors with me and everyone I’ve ever shaken hands with.

“No, we’re going back to my apartment.”

“But isn’t it fun like this? More dangerous, more thrilling.”

“If I wanted thrilling danger, I’d be talking to Fury about what mission comes next.” I pull off from him, giving a relieved sigh.

“For a second I thought you were going to say you have thrilling and dangerous sex with Fury. That would’ve been really, really awkward to know he and I are sharing. You know I don’t like to.” Steve turns the elevator back on and tries to straighten himself out. Ha! Straighten… I have to say, bisexual Captain America is really patriotic if you think about it. He really is a hero for everyone. “Hey, if people like your shield, you should ask them if they want to see your sword.” I crack up at my own lousy joke, Steve just looks disappointed in me before throwing me over his shoulder and carrying me to his apartment. I’m essentially thrown down on the couch, looking up at him with a playful smirk.

“You’re drunk.”

“No. Well, a little, but I’m mostly high.”

“High?”

“Yeah, from reefer. What did you guys used to call it? The devil’s lettuce?”

“Marijuana.” Oh, he’s angry.

“Why are you upset?”

“You know that’s illegal. What are you doing, taking street drugs? What kind of example are you trying to set? You think you can just do whatever you want just because-” Man… he really goes on, huh? Steve, if it would work for him, could really benefit from some good old fashioned cannabis. He’s so tense. Then again, one of us has to have morals. I have, essentially, no morals. Speaking of lack of morals, I know he’s scolding me, but I can’t help but think-

“Maybe I’d absorb this lecture better if you told it to me while pulling my hair and dicking me down.” He doesn’t laugh, but I do, clutching my stomach.

“Tony, I’m being serious.”

“I know, Grandpa Frisbee, you’re always serious. You need to relax! It’s just a little bit of weed. Here, why don’t I fly us to California where weed is legal, and then we can have sex while absolutely beside ourselves high. High sex is great! You feel everything like ten times more powerfully. It’s been years since I’ve had the opportunity.”

“You’re going to stay here and sober up. Then, we’re going to have a real conversation.”

“Oh, please, you’re grounding me? You might be the same age, but you aren’t my father. What are you going to do next? Send me away to boarding school?”

“More like rehab.” I wet my lips, clench my jaw, look away for a second. “Tony, you haven’t been yourself, you’re not thinking-”

“Fuck off, Rogers. I’ve never acted more like myself, frankly. Pepper brought out all of the good parts of me, she’s gone so all that’s left is regular old me. This is the most me I’ve been in years.” He looks nervous, which is weird for him, but I choose to not acknowledge it. I stand up and he backs up. I forgot I’m taller than him now. It’s not by much, but it’s enough.

“Tony-”

“No, I’m talking.” I move forward, backing him into the dining table while I flex my fingers, my armor creeping up my back. “You’re so judgemental, nothing is ever up to your standard. I could cure world hunger- which I have made extremely good breakthroughs on- and you wouldn’t see it. All you see is my mistakes, and then you sit on your pedestal and criticize me. You’re just like my Father sometimes. You’re just missing the genius part and the alcoholism.”

“Tony…” He’s warning me. What’s he going to do? Throw me? The only reason I didn’t decimate him and his metal armed boyfriend is because I chose not to. I could’ve killed them if I wanted to- easily. The Iron Man is like a tank with lasers; even when it’s a little beat up it’s deadly if I want it to be, especially this new one. Steve doesn’t have his shield which my father made, his Captain America uniform that I made. What could he even do? “Just take a deep breath, relax-”

“I’m not the one over reacting-”

“Then why is your armor on?” I flinch back a little. It… it is fully on, aside from the helmet. “Why are your eyes and suit glowing red instead of blue?”

“...Huh?” I look down at the lights on the suit, definitely red. I make a mirror out of the liquid metal, my eyes are definitely red, too. They slowly go back to being blue, and the armor retracts off of me. “What… what was that? Why did I lose my temper like that? You always lecture me, this wasn’t anything new.”

“Have you been sleeping?”

“Yeah.” Sometimes, sort of. “I blacked out twice. Well, one time was more like sleep walking.”

“You blacked out?”

“Yeah, there was someone at my house and… I think she was enhanced or… maybe cursed, possessed. She was freaky, you can’t remember her face. Like, physically, you can’t. It has to be a power or something. Jarvis can’t even pull up her pictures that aren’t directly tagged with her name.” Backing up, I sit on the arm of the couch. “Maybe she… cursed me, or something.”

“Or, you’re high and have no self control.”

“I’ve never had self control. I really just don’t get… that angry, usually. That’s so weird. Huh… I’ve never gotten angry when high, especially, you could ask Rhodey. He and I used to get high all the time.” It’s quiet for a minute, while I review some footage in my head. Steve is saying something but I’m not paying any attention. “I should go home, run some diagnostics. Could be because of Extremis, or a child attached a demon to me.”

“Are you sure? You don’t look too good.”

“Yeah, it’s fine. I’ll put it on autopilot. Sorry about that, it was very… Bruce of me. Very Hulk. I am very horny, though, so if-”

“No.” I guess I did almost… blast him or something, and not in a sexy way.

“Fair enough.” I pick myself up and head out, Steve accompanying me to the elevator, both of us feeling weird. “Goodnight.”

“You, too.” The elevator door closes and I watch the floor as it descends. What if I am being possessed or something? Maybe I should call a specialist to the house, have them bless it and exorcise any negative spirits. I go through some quick files once I’m outside, suiting up and taking off while I read. Once I’m home, I send out a few emails and check on the downstairs. Not super cold, which is good, pod is still going. Upstairs the rats look okay, everything seems as normal as it’s going to get considering what I’m doing.

“Jarvis, I just hulked out on Mister America. Scan me for anomalies.” Everything looks clear, unfortunately. There’s no trace of anything in my system except booze and weed. How am I supposed to figure out what’s wrong if there’s no trace of it? “I think I’m possessed by a demon.”

“Unfortunately, I’m not sure how to confirm or deny that.”

“I know, but, you know. If something happens to me, I’m just saying, maybe an exorcist instead of an ambulance.” I grab some blueberries from the fridge and take myself over to the really big couch we… I have. Wraps around half the room, nice and comfy, perfect for blueberries and demon studying.

I get a little too comfortable and am a little too high, so I end up falling asleep. I startle awake, finding myself in the kitchen. “Again?” I haven’t fallen asleep and woke up in a different location this often since… nevermind, I was doing that a lot recently. Not the point, focus. “Madeline, I can hear you, you know. You give off a really high pitched sound, probably makes dogs and babies hate you.” I look around the house, the horizon partially lighting the way. There’s no sign of her, and after a few minutes the power comes back on. I connect to Jarvis’ files before the AI himself wakes up, playing security footage on fast forward.

Two interesting things happen.

I fall asleep on the couch and, after about five minutes, I stand up and suit up. I just stand there for about a minute before I walk to the basement and stare at the pod. The power cuts out, and I don’t know how long I must have been standing there. I eventually must have shed the armor manually and come into the kitchen. Maybe I should see a therapist. This can’t be a healthy way to mourn.

The second interesting thing is that the pod turned off before anything else did, which probably means Jarvis turned it off. The realization hitting me a little late, I run down to the basement. I open the pod, which is off, and let out a shaky breath. “Jarvis,” I feel like I might cry. “Diagnostics on Miss Potts.”

“She’s been fully recovered. Although she still is not alive, she’s physically repaired.” Yes! Yes, yes, yes- okay. Okay. I take her out of the pod and lay her down on the hospital bed I have set up. I essentially have to set her up in an iron lung, just a much more complicated one without the hard outer shell. Just like with the dead rats, I have to hook up wires for both sending electronic pulses and receiving. Pulses that will get her heart pumping, to keep the blood in the transfusion I have hooked up, enough fake brain waves. I stay down there the entire day, thankful that I gave the rats a scheduled mechanism to feed them in their cage, to make sure Pepper has a regulated system that is just artificially alive enough so Extremis can react like she’s alive.

I spend the entirety of the next day monitoring her after giving her the Extremis vaccine, the power stays on consistently and if I do black out it’s so seamless I don’t notice it. None of the footage shows me moving at a time I don’t remember moving, so I assume I didn’t. The third day, there’s still no changes. I haven’t slept that I can remember, Pepper is still dead and running purely on wires. The fourth day was the same, now highlighted with cutting phone calls short or flat out ignoring them. Nothing the fifth day, pretending I’m not home on the sixth day, not resting because I’m not god on the 7th day.

“Sir.”

“Jarvis.”

“You have been awake for eight straight days.”

“I know, I’m keeping track in my head and I’ve counted how many times the clock has gone around each time I see it hit twelve.”

“The only reason you’re still awake and not severely hallucinating is because-”

“Of Extremis, I know, it’s on purpose. The coffee keeps me awake, Extremis keeps me mostly sane. I cross reference what I see with the security feed so I know that isn’t James Barns aggressively eating plums at me in the corner, it’s just me losing my mind.”

“You need to rest. Even with extremis, your body-”

“If I fall asleep now, I won’t wake up for hours. I need to be awake when she wakes up.” It’s silent for two hours before Dum-E is bringing me a blanket. “No, thank you- is this a conspiracy? Is this how AIs will rise up? All band together to get me to sleep?” You gives me a sad look, which, to other people, wouldn’t work. But I made him, I know his sad look. I especially can feel it with Extremis. Man, I shouldn’t have given these guys personality. I’m too good at my job, they’re all feeling bad for me and their love and worry is making me feel like an asshole.

“Don’t make me turn you all off. Leave me be unless you’re bringing me food or coffee.” The ninth day, Jarvis says that Rhodey is getting in proximity of the house again, likely because I’ve not spoken to him for more than three minutes total in days.

“Mr. Stark-”

“Don’t let him in, don’t allow his override. Clear Rhodey’s override from the system- clear everyone but me.”

“Would you like to talk to him on the intercom?”

“No.”

“Perhaps take his phone-”

“No.”

The tenth day, the hallucinations get really intense and I have a hard time processing files. Feels like I’m glitching.

I wake up in my bed.

Someone is in bed behind me… smells like peaches and cream.

I turn a little, trying to see who it is.

“Oh, good morning sleepy-head. I was just getting comfortable, too.”

“...Pepper?”


	6. Chapter 6

“Who else would it be?”

“Oh my god, Pepper! Pepper! Pepper!” I nearly tackle her into the mattress. “Pepper, oh my god, I did it. I got you back. You’re okay.”

“What- what do you mean I’m okay? Why are you crying? What’s going on?” I cling to her, shaking my head against her shoulder. “Tony, come on, look at me.” I’m shaking and sobbing, so she takes pity on me and just holds me while petting my hair. I don’t know how long we stay like that, maybe an hour, until I’m all cried out and exhausted. We lay down facing each other while she cleans my face with tissues. She’s gorgeous, she’s like a sunflower on a warm day. She just radiates happiness and sunshine. I feel like I’m really at home for the first time since I lost her. Not just in the house, but at home.

“You died, Pep.” She doesn’t follow. “You need to leave me.”

“What?”

“It’s not safe.”

“Oh, really? Wow, I had no idea!” I smile a little but try to hold it back.

“I’m serious, Pepper, you died. You’re legally dead, because of me. Someone killed you specifically to get to me.”

“Tony-”

“I love you so much, I’m so sorry. I thought you’d be safer if you stayed close, but maybe it’s better you just forget-”

“Tony! You have to take a deep breath. Okay? Come on, sit up straight.” I let her pull me up to sit against the headboard, taking a few deep breaths that she guides me through while holding my hands. “You’ve been asleep for at least two days. I woke up, and I was naked with all of this stuff attached to me. I tried talking to Jarvis, but all he says is ‘I’m sorry, I’m unable to answer’ whenever I talk to him.”

“Oh, that’s- that’s my bad. Jarvis, reinstitute control options and voice permissions for Pepper Potts and James Rhodes. Go back to standard accessibility, stop sending everyone away if they so much as ask for the date.”

“Good morning, sir. Nice to have you back with us. Miss Potts, I apologize for the inconvenience. Mr Stark had gone into full private mode.”

“Even Rhodey?” I shrug a little and look away, knowing what she’s about to say. She’s going to say that Rhodey is my only friend aside from Happy, and he’s got to be worried sick. “Tony, he’s your only friend aside from Happy, he’s-”

“Worried sick, I know. Jarvis, how many missed calls do I have?”

“Three hundred and forty-eight, six hundred and two unread text messages, one hundred and eight messages from priority emails.” Pepper gives me the look. God, I never thought I’d love that look so much.

“Why were you doing that?”

“I was doing things that they would’ve put me in an asylum for.”

“What were you doing?”

“Bringing you back. I… your body was destroyed. I worked on Extremis, I improved it, that’s why I’m taller now and my eyes are blue.”

“Okay, I was going to ask about that but I didn’t want you to freak out if you didn’t know.”

“It took awhile to… to regenerate you, after I dug you back up from the grave. I had to keep everyone out, I didn’t- I knew they weren’t going to react well. They’d just tell me I’m messing with things I don’t understand, playing god, I should just let go. They wouldn’t have understood.” Pepper just sort of… stares at me for a few seconds.

“So… I’m a zombie.”

“I mean, if it makes you feel any better, I have wires inside my body now. You can plug flash drives into my neck.”

“That does not make me feel better. This is why I can’t leave you alone! You put hardware in your body and raise the dead!”

“The dead I raised was you!”

“You’re right, Jim would not have let you do this, because I wouldn’t have either. Look, you gotta fill me in on everything since I… I was… dead. Okay? Everything.” I squeeze Pepper’s hands a little when she tenses up.

“Your Mom came to the funeral.”

“She did? Oh, so she’ll show up when I’m dead, but she wouldn’t spend the last three christmases with me just because I was still with you?”

“You should talk to her. I mean, she still doesn’t approve of us, but I can’t blame her.”

“I don’t know, maybe it’s better if I just stay dead with her.” I give her the look, the one and only time I ever get to give it to her. “Was she nice to you? At the funeral.”

“No, she wasn’t. I wouldn’t have been nice to me, either.”

“You’re never nice to you.” I smirk a little bit, tugging on her hands a little to get her to meet me. I feel like I’m the one who’s dead now and gone to heaven. “Tony… Tony, come on. I will kiss you after you brush your teeth. You smell terrible. I don’t even want to shower with you, you’re so dirty right now.”

“Will you shower with me, anyway?”

“...Okay, fine.” I have in mind a nice, domestic shower together. Not even sex, just simple washing each other’s hair type of content. What I get, instead, is essentially hosed down and cleaned like a wild animal because- “You smell like a wild animal, there’s dirt just coming off of you like you were left outside for a month.” Once I’m deemed no longer smelly, I’m sent to brush my teeth while she soaps up. I certainly don’t do a full two minutes, but I get the job done well enough to meet her back in there before she was done.

“Let me.”

“I’m already doing it.” I slide my hands over her’s, kissing her neck from behind despite the suds.

"Just let me. I've missed you a lot, Pep." She relents and gives me some soap to use. I wash her slowly and deliberately, massaging her skin and savoring it. She's perfect. I managed to keep Extremis from changing her physical appearance, but I doubt anything would have even changed. Pepper is already the most beautiful person in the world, there's nothing to change.

"It's too bad you're taller now."

"Why's that?"

"I liked you being 5'9. When I wore heels, you also had to wear heels."

"I'll still wear heels if that makes you feel better. It'll be like going out with Thor, I'll be so tall."

"Ah, yes, my dream date. You know, he's polite, but somehow you still have better manners. I've never seen you throw a mug down in demand of another drink."

"They must go through so many mugs in Asgard. It's not cost effective at all." I turn her around to kiss her once I've got Pepper all sudsed up, wrapping my arms around her waist. I should… probably tell her. "Pep, I gotta tell you something. Promise you won't be mad."

"I can't promise that."

"Okay, just try to understand. You were dead, I was lonely and binge drinking, I haven't even slept in our bed till you got me there. How did you get me there, anyway? Did you use a suit to carry me?"

"Tony, focus."

"Right. Well, I slept with… like two people."

"Who?"

"A girl I met at a casino, and… Steve."

"Steve?"

"Rogers, yeah."

"So, does that mean I can sleep with Thor and you won't get jealous?"

"Um, if I die, yeah. I only slept with them because you were dead."

"But you were bringing me back, you couldn't wait?"

"First of all, I came up with the idea afterwards. Second, I didn't even know if it would work."

"Right, but I had just died, right? I only think it's fair if I get to have a good time."

"Oh, a good time? I can show you a good time. You know, I saw Thor's penis and it wasn't that impressive. He's really compensating with that hammer."

"Were you going to sleep with Thor, too?"

"No, not unless he asked."

"...What are you going to do about Steve?"

"Uh, not have sex with him again? I don't-"

"Tony."

"What?"

"You know it's not just that for him."

"Nnno, I don't. It's not, I clarified that with him."

"Really?"

"Yeah, Happy was on my back saying Cap wants to be in a relationship with me. So I asked Steve flat out if that's what he wanted and he said no." Pepper doesn't seem to believe me. "I had the conversation with him in the house, I can bring up the recording."

"No, it's… fine. I just can't believe it, we were all so sure he's in love with you."

"Who is 'we all'?"

"Happy, Rhodey, the other avengers, Fury, Maria, probably everyone who has ever been in a room with the two of you."

"What? That's ridiculous! Steve hasn't slept with me since, I tried two more times. If he was in love with me, wouldn't he have kept sleeping with me? The guy can barely stand me."

"Oh, Tony… you're so smart but so dumb." Pepper holds my face and goes on her toes to kiss my forehead. "That's why he wouldn't sleep with you, it's because he loves you. He knew you were just having sex with him to have sex, he probably didn't want to sleep with you again because he is serious about you."

"That doesn't make any sense. I want to have sex with you all the time. I called the casino girl Pepper when I came."

"Oh, I bet she loved that."

"Her fault for sleeping with a man who's grieving. She got all weird afterward, trying to get me to hire her as a secretary to fuck on the regular. Like I was looking for something long term, while drunk at a casino, from a girl who put my hand between her legs as an introduction."

"I cannot believe you sleep with women like that."

"Well, they know what they want and I take what I can get when I can't have what I want. That's you, by the way, you're what I want."

"Is that right?"

"Yeah, it is."

"Did you wear a condom?"

"Obviously." I squeeze her waist a little, pulling her hips into mine. "Can I show you that good time you were looking for?"

"How about you show me tonight?"

"Whatever you want. Anything that isn't Thor."

"I want you-" she starts, trailing a hand down my chest.

"You got me."

"-to figure out how you're going to tell everyone that I'm not dead anymore."

"I could do a press conference. I'll probably have to do a lot of press conferences, honestly. Not everyone will like it, I'll have to fight off other scientists, you might get a lot of backlash. Nothing we haven't done before, really."

"Well, let's finish washing up and get started."

After we finish showering, I wrap Pepper up in a robe and carry her to the bedroom to get dressed. I ask her to pick out my outfit for the day, admiring her as she looks through my obnoxious collection of clothes while commenting on which things I should either burn or donate. I offer to make something to eat once we're dressed, and she asks me if I'm trying to kill her again.

Letting her make us something to eat, I check on the rats. They all still look okay, I run a diagnostic scan just to make sure everything comes back normal. The phone ringing, I mentally ask Jarvis to ignore it. Which, he doesn't, and Pepper puts the call through.

"Tony! What the hell, man?! You can't just vanish for days like that! I was getting worried you were dead!"

"Hello, Rhodey."

"...Pepper?"

"Yup. Tony decided to play God and now I'm making us a salad."

"...I'm coming over." He hangs up and I look at Pepper miserably.

"I'm not ready to talk to Rhodes. Jarvis, I told you to send him to voicemail!"

"You told me to ignore you unless you spoke out loud, sir."

"Unless the situation called for it!"

"Tony, you can't keep putting him off. Didn't you hear him? I'm making us all something to eat, and we can all talk it over together." I sigh and scratch my head, looking around the house for any excuse for this to not have to happen. I don't find anything by the time Rhodey gets to the house, so I just have to face him.

"James-"

"I don't wanna hear it."

"Come on, Rhodey, what was I supposed to do?"

"Are you seriously asking me that? Where's Pepper?"

"The kitchen." He walks past me to go over to her, and I watch them talk. They get along so well… Pepper would probably be safer with him. James would make a great boyfriend, I'm sure. He's been taking care of me so long, I'm positive he would take care of her. Pepper is fantastic, she's the best girlfriend you could look for. I don't deserve her, Rhodes does. My two favorite people in the world…

"Tony, come sit down and eat." It's a weird fantasy to have, your girlfriend leaving you for your best friend. But they would both be better with each other and without me.

"Tony." Snapping out of it, I perk up a little, hurrying over to the table. "Are you okay?"

"Always." A familiar fear settles in my gut. A mixture of fear of abandonment and the fear that I'll be the cause of every bad thing that could happen to the people I love. Now is really not the time for a meltdown.

"Explain to us everything about what you did, and what's been going on." This takes a while. It's a lot of me narrating over videos, moving around holograms, trying to explain things in a comprehensive manner, leaving out the demon stuff and Madeline for the time being. I'm still not sure about that, I'm not about to dump the occult on them when I'm still figuring it out.

"I have… had some issues with my… uh… brain. There's no sign of any abnormalities, and it may be because of exhaustion, but I've been sleepwalking and I almost lost my temper at Steve and my eyes turned red. Like, glowing red. If that ever happens you have to tell me, I can't see my own eyes."

“What’d you get into it with Cap about?”

“Marijuana. I smoked a little bit and went by his place while I was still high. He got all righteous with me and I just… I don’t know, it was weird. It wasn’t anything more than his usual ‘you need to act like a hero if you’re going to be one’ speech, it wasn’t a big deal.”

“You were smoking without me?”

“Rhodes, I knew if I asked you to smoke with me, we’d come back here where I was hiding Pepper’s- at the time- dead body.”

“Tony, what did I say about smoking where it’s illegal?” I look over to Pepper who is giving me a look like I’m a five year old who said a bad word.

“If I’m going to smoke, do it where it won’t make the news, I know. I should’ve known better than to go try and hang out with the most uptight person alive, but he was in the area I was in. I was…” Lost. Lonely. Empty. High. Drunk. Horny. “...bored.”

“Alright, well… what next?”

“Pepper, why didn’t you leave the building with everyone else?”

“There was a girl, she was trapped in a room because the locks malfunctioned. I stayed to try and help her- did she make it out?”

“You were the only casualty. Do you know what she looked like?”

“Uh… no, I can’t remember. She was young, I thought maybe she was an intern. Black hair, maybe?”

“Pale?”

“I think so? Do you know who she is?”

“No, just trying to figure out what happened, still.” It’s Madeline, I’m positive. Her and her friend who doesn’t like to be recorded. “Since I’m still not sure exactly what happened, Pep, I don’t want the whole world to know you’re back. Just for now, until I can run some leads. Couple days, tops. We’ll call Happy, get him over here. Oh, I hired a… an intern. For, um… well, avengers. Like an avenger study program.”

“An avenger intern?”

“Yeah, he’s a high school kid. It’ll look great on college applications, I’m hoping he leans toward MIT. He’s Spider Man, you know the kid in the bright costume who has been leaving webs everywhere. Very sloppy, by the way. I hope they’re biodegradable, otherwise Steve might arrest him for littering. Anyway, I’m not bringing him in just to fight aliens or whatever. I’m trying to be responsible. Have him go train at the Avengers facility, get him some upgraded gear, make sure he’s running a tight operation. He’s a bright kid, I like him. I might like him for the company, too, we’ll see. Someone has to take over this place one day, and I don’t have anyone else right now for when Pepper and I grow old and retire. I don’t… I don’t know if having kids is something we can do right now.”

“What do you mean?”

“Pep, I dug you out of the ground, I don’t- I don’t know if you could even bare a child, or survive it, or if the baby would survive. I- I don’t think I’m even equipped to have a kid of my own. I want one, but-”

“You won’t be like your dad.”

“But what if I am, Pepper? My dad wasn’t my dad before, either. Steve liked him, more than he likes me now, so he must have been a decent human being at some point. What if I change? What if after we have a kid, I-” I cut myself off, holding my face in my hands for a few seconds. "I just don't want to screw up."

Pepper comes over, sitting across my lap and holding my head against her chest. I wrap one arm around her and hold the other one out, motioning to Rhodey.

"Come on, you owe me. I never got my grief hug."

"James, you never hugged him?" Rhodey sighs and gets up, reluctantly joining the group hug, but I know he secretly loves it.

"It's a long story. Did you tell Pepper about you know who?"

"Steve? Yeah."

"I told him I should be allowed to sleep with Thor."

"She's right, Tony. You used your hall pass, give her her's."

"Unhug me, you're both traitors."

"No, you wanted your grief hug, you're getting it."

"She was dead! I wouldn't have slept with him if she wasn't!"

"But you did."

"Listen, if you guys are going to gang up on me, I'd prefer us all be naked."

"Can we do a threesome with Thor, then?"

"No!"

"But you'll have one with Rhodey?"

"Rhodey doesn't have Thor's ego." Or dick.

"You're one to talk about ego."

“Rhodey, the only reason I haven’t pushed you off of us is because Pepper is in my lap.”

“If you really wanted me to stop hugging you, you’d use your suit.” Damn… he’s right. But he relents, letting me go while Pepper stands up.

“Hey, I didn’t say I wanted you to go.”

“We should call Happy.” So we do. I don’t tell him at first why I want him to come over, and I disappear into the basement while I wait for him to show up, giving Rhodey and Pepper the chance to talk about me without me listening. I deliberately do not listen to the security feeds, and try to just focus more on tracking down Madeline. It’s not hard when I have her full name and father’s name, something she should probably keep in mind if she’s going to do something like this again. But she said she didn’t want Pepper hurt…her mystery friend did. Her friend who she seems to be terrified of.

A kid who played with demons and got more than she can handle… I find her contact information and save it in my phone alongside her address and university address. My phone rings and I really wonder if I want to answer it… but… Pepper and Rhodey did make a big deal about me worrying people.

“Hello?”

“Stark! What the hell has been going on?! You can’t just ignore all of-”

“Cap, I already got this lecture from Rhodey. I was busy, I was working on something and I didn’t want to be interrupted. What do you need?”

“What were you working on?” Uh…

“Extremis stuff. You know, the stuff I injected myself with that took me from hot to deadly. You just calling because you miss me?” Why does everyone seem to think this guy is in love with me, anyway? Not that I would blame him. Even people who hate me love me, just ask Miss Everheart. 

“Rhodes was trying to see if anyone heard from you or could get ahold of you. He was worried that you had done something stupid and locked down the house, and that you had died in there but no one would be able to get to you.”

“That’s very dramatic, I’ve only done that once.”

“What?”

“It’s a joke.” Mmm, kinda. “Is that all you’re calling me for? Because Rhodey asked you to?”

“We were all worried about you, Tony.”

“Huh… that’s interesting. According to Jarvis, only Rhodey and Happy actually came to the house at any point. You guys couldn’t have been that worried.” Well, Rhodey and Happy probably were. I can already hear Happy in my head, saying he was scared that I killed myself because I was lost without Pepper. Which is ridiculous. I’d never kill myself unless it was doing a heroic act that people would build a statue in my honor for.

“There’s no need to snap at me.”

“Is that what I’m doing?”

“That’s what it sounds like.”

“...Are you in love with me? Yes or no?” He’s quiet for two seconds too long. Oh, fuck. Oh no. No, no, no. “Steve, everyone keeps telling me you are. Why wouldn’t you sleep with me again?”

“You were wasted and high.” That’s not the reason I want to hear. I don’t know what I want to hear, but it isn’t this. “Why are you asking me this? Didn’t we have this conversation? I told you no before.” This isn’t a phone conversation to have, I can’t essentially dump Captain America over the phone. The poor guy barely understands how to use it as it is.

“I just… I don’t know, let’s get dinner. How’s eight? You pick, my treat, I’ll pick you up.” I hang up before he can answer, setting my phone down across from me and staring at it. I probably… can’t send Pepper for me. He’s not just another reporter I slept with, or a guy who I promised a meeting with and decided I’d rather do anything else. I really need to think this through. What am I even going to say?

Rhodey calls me upstairs to see Happy, who immediately yells at me that he thought I killed myself. “Happy, relax, you’re going to burst a vessel. Go to the kitchen, there’s a surprise for you.”

“A surprise for me? Tony, you know I don’t like surprises. Surprises leave things to chance, and I can’t-”

“Just- Pepper, come out here.”

“What are you talking about?” Happy looks at me like I’ve gone crazy, and then gasps so loud when Pepper walks out that I wonder if there’s any air left in the room. “What- what is this? What- is it a robot? It looks so real.”

“I am real, Happy.”

“Tony, I know you miss her, but… isn’t creating a robot a little… creepy? That’s like- a sex doll that moves.”

“Happy, it’s Pepper. Physically, through and through. I dug up her body and repaired it, then brought her back to life.”

“You dug her up?! Are you out of your mind?!”

“I felt the same way.”

“Pep, don’t agree with him.”

“Boss, I’m so sorry, I should’ve been there. I didn’t even care about my cousin’s wedding, I should’ve been with you at the office. Tony would’ve never had to rob your grave and bring you to life like the wife of Frankenstein.”

“Happy, it’s fine. I’m just glad you weren’t hurt too. Tell me about the wedding, I made salad.”

“Salad?”

“You need it buddy, you’re looking a little wide these days.” Happy scoffs at me and follows Pepper into the kitchen. I grab Rhodey’s arm to keep him from following them. “James, I think Cap is in love with me.”

“What? No!” He feigns shock, and I don’t appreciate it.

“Seriously, Rhodey, what am I supposed to do? My friendship with Steve is constantly hanging on by the skin of my teeth, if this affects the team-”

“Tony, Steve is a grown ass man. I’m sure he’ll understand the fact that you want to stay with your girlfriend, who you brought back to life.”

“I know, but I don’t know if I want to tell Steve yet.”

“Why not?”

“He’ll want to involve the others, he loves that team mentality. The others find out, Fury finds out, everyone suddenly wants a piece of the puzzle. Until I can figure out exactly what is going on, I don’t want anyone else in danger. The more people know, the more dangerous it gets."

“There’s nothing wrong with a team. I know you like to do everything alone, but wouldn’t it be easier if we just helped you?”

“Rhodey, I need you to trust me. Once I have a plan, I’ll get everyone together, but there’s nothing right now. We’ll all just be standing around with our hands in our pockets.”

“You put yourself in a coma and robbed Pepper’s grave, it’s-”

“Just trust me, okay? Both of those things are working out so far.”

“...Alright, man. But you better reach out when you figure something out.”

“Yes, absolutely.” Maybe, depending on what I decide on. “Now, if I’m not telling the truth, what do I tell Steve?”

“Tell him the truth, you were lonely and grieving.”

“That’s gonna sound like I was using him!”

“Were you?”

“Kind of, but I don’t want him to think that. This isn’t some random guy I can forget about in the morning, I still have to work with him.”

“I don’t know, man, but you better figure it out.”

“You’re the one who encouraged him.”

“You’re the one who didn’t want to move on and brought his dead girlfriend back to life. I was worried you were going to die of loneliness.” I sigh and rub my face.

“Alright… I’ll figure it out myself. I need to get to work.”

“Dude, just enjoy yourself. At least until you have to meet Steve. Enjoy your girlfriend, not all of us have one, don’t waste it.”

“Okay, alright. Get out of here, tell everyone to stop worrying about me.” I fist bump him on my way back to the kitchen. I sit down next to Pepper, who feeds me some of her salad while chatting with Happy. After a couple minutes, however, I’m going over the plans for the blown up part of the building with them. Then, all the details and changes in the company since Pepper’s death. “I want to give it some time before I have you back in as CEO, to make sure you’re alright. I need you to lay low, too. I don’t want you to get killed again.”

“Should we go somewhere, then? Somewhere they’re less likely to find us?”

“Pep, you can’t leave the house.”

“Is the house even safe?” Well…

“It’s our best bet right now. Familiar territory and everything. Plus, if you aren’t seen out of the house then you stay dead and not a target.”

“Last time you wanted to stay at the house while we were being attacked, the house was blown up and you got lost in Tennessee.”

“They already think you’re dead. No one is going to come after you if you don’t change that.”

“Or, they’ll come here for you and kill us both. Then who is going to revive us?”

“Jarvis will, Pepper, don’t be ridiculous. I have all of the information stored, he can revive us at least five more times.”

“That doesn’t mean he should have to!”

“Honey, it’s fine! We’re safe here!”

“You say that every single time, and then things explode!”

“Where do you think is safer? Where do you think we’re less likely to get blown up?” I see Happy slip into the other room to avoid the bickering.

“I don’t know, Tony! Everywhere with you tends to explode!”

“Then you shouldn’t be with me!” Pepper takes a deep breath in and looks away, running a hand through her hair, tears pooling in her eyes. “Pep-”

“I love you, Tony. I know how dangerous things are around you, I’m not scared by that. I’m scared by the dangerous things we can prevent, that you actively choose to let happen. There are safety precautions we can take, but you never want to take them. You always just tough it out, let it happen, deal with the aftermath.”

“Pepper, if I always hid from things that could happen-”

“Tony, I died.”

“You think I don’t know that? You think I didn’t spend every second thinking about everything I should’ve done differently?”

“It’s always you thinking things over, why don’t you try listening to someone else? Why don’t we talk to the others?”

“The others all think it was some freak accident, they just think I’m paranoid.”

“What was it? You know what it was, don’t you?”

“I… I have an idea, kind of. It’s nothing concrete, and it’s definitely nothing the others will be able to help with. Maybe Thor, he’s a god.”

“Tony.”

“Demons?”

“...Demons? Like… from the Bible?”

“Yeah. So… I inadvertently ruined someone’s life twice, first with no longer doing weapons, then the green energy initiatives. He killed himself, then his super goth daughter got really into the occult and summoned a demon to attack the tower. She said there wasn’t supposed to be any casualties but it got out of control. But if you saw her in there, that either means she’s lying or it’s using her and not the other way around.”

“We’re going to church from now on.”

“I mean, that feels ridiculous when we know actual gods.”

“I don’t care. If it’s demons from the bible, we’re going to church. You’re getting baptized.”

“Can’t we just move?”

“We can talk to Steve, he’s catholic.”

“Are you kidding me? If you ask the catholics, he and I will probably set on fire as soon as we step in the building. Double the flames if you go in with us. My girlfriend and the guy I slept with while she was dead, that’s like… super sinning.”

“I don’t care. If you burst into flames, they’ll put the fire out when they baptize you. Besides, not all of them are like that. There are gay catholics out there.”

“Can we hire a gay priest instead? Just have him bless things for us, mop the floors with holy water, have them put blessed crosses in the walls of the tower?”

“We go to church at least once, then we can talk to a priest about what to do outside of the church.”

“...Alright.”

“Jarvis, find a gay priest who specilizes in demons.”

“Of course, Miss Potts.” Pepper moves to go into the main room and rejoin Happy. I grab her hand, pursuing my lips. Okay, just… just be a little vulnerable for once. It’s Pepper, I can do it.

“Pep…” I look down at her hand, smoothing my thumb over the skin. “I’m… I’m sorry. I don’t… I don’t mean to be difficult, I just am.” She sighs a little, and I look at her with puppy dog eyes until she relents and walks back over to where I’m sitting and gives me a slightly begrudging hug.

“Trust me, I know you don’t have to try to be difficult.” I smile a little, chuckling against her. “You’re lucky I love you.” I look up at her from her where she’s holding my head, fluttering my eyelashes, eyes sparkling as she looks down at me all annoyed.

“I love you, Virginia.”

“Ugh, don’t call me that, it sounds weird coming out of your mouth.”

“Aw, come on.” I stand up and keep her close, wrapping my arms around her waist. “What about when I say my vows? When you become Virginia Stark, you want me to call you Pepper Stark?” She laughs, and I press a kiss against her shoulder.

“Please, if anyone is changing their name, it’s you.”

“You know I thought about that.”

“Oh, did you?”

“Yeah, I was going to make a tribute to you. Change things to Potts Industries, or when we get married maybe I’ll be Anthony Edward Potts. My initials would be pea backwards, though, so there’s too many pee jokes, I’d have to figure something out there.”

“Marriage? Weren’t you just encouraging me to leave you? Are you proposing, Mr Potts?”

“Please, like this? If I don’t make some obnoxiously big gesture, what’s the point? We both know I’m going to be the bridezilla, maybe you need to propose to me, Mrs Stark?”

“And rob you of a chance to make a complete ass out of yourself by renting out a super yacht or something?”

“I don’t have to rent one, I have one. I would just do it on my yacht. Besides, you’re way off. I was thinking more like we go up on a plane and I hack the power grid to cause a blackout except for buildings to light up the words ‘Pepper, will you marry me?’ for us to look down at.” She laughs again, but I’m… a little serious. I did consider that, it was in the top three of ideas I had. Was honestly still weighing the cost-benefit analysis… guess I’ll put that on the backburner.

“If you ever do propose to me, do it in a normal way.”

“You’re not with me because you like normal, Pep.”

“Yeah, but you’re with me because you need normal.”

“You are anything but normal, Pepper. You are the most beautiful, caring, intelligent, extraordinary woman I’ve ever met.”

“I’m still upset with you, you can’t flirt your way out.”

“Really? I think I’m doing a pretty good job so fa-”

“Guys, do you want me to leave?” Both of us jumping as Happy peaked his head back into the doorway, I squint my eyes at him as Pepper slides out from my arms and starts telling him about our church going plans. Then she tells him about the demons, and he’s immediately panicking. This is why I didn’t want to tell people about the demons. I lie that I’m positive there’s no demons in the house, and that I’ve almost figured everything out.

“If you have it under control, why do you need a priest?”

“Pepper said so, she’s the boss. I made her agree the priest has to be gay.”

“Where you gonna get a gay demon priest?”

“Jarvis is looking.”

“Gay priest sounds like an oxymoron.”

“Mm, not if you pay attention to the news.”

“Tony!”

“Jarvis, make sure our gay demon priest isn’t a pedophile. Also make note of the ones who might be or are pedophiles, and I will look into that. You think if I save the catholic church from their plague of abusers, they’ll worship me? Give Thor a run for his money. Anyway, I have to go out. Happy, stay here with Pep.”

“Where are you going? You just brought Pepper back to life, and you’re leaving?”

“Yeah, thanks to you and Rhodey, I have some loose ends I have to tie up.”

“What do you- ...oh.”

“Yeah. Pep, Happy didn’t even wait for you to go cold before he was telling me I should marry Cap.”

“Hey, hey- that’s not true! I just was trying to encourage you. I didn’t know Pepper was coming back.”

“Tony, just go.”

“Okay. Hey, Pep, if you really want to get even with me… I’d understand using your pass on Happy.”

“What’s he talking about?”

“Nothing, he’s just being an idiot.”

“Alright, I’m going.” I kiss both of them on the cheek goodbye, Happy doesn’t seem to appreciate it. First things first, I have time before I meet with Steve, so I take myself over to the occult store I can find closest to Madeline’s college and browse around. There’s some… weird looking people running it, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

“I’m warning you, Mr Stark, this stuff is dangerous.”

“Just Tony, and I’m sure it is… uh.. Your name?”

“Astrophel. I know you just lost your girlfriend, but demonology isn’t the answer. It won’t summon her, it’ll just summon a demon who will pretend to be her to get to other people.”

“Thanks, Astroturf, I’ll keep that in mind. Do you know anything about a girl named Madeline? She goes to the college by here, Dad killed himself, pale.”

“We have a customer confidentiality policy.” I purse my lips, eyeing the guy up and down. I guess on one hand, maybe they won’t go around telling people I was here. On the other hand, if he didn’t know who I was talking about he would’ve just said so.

“Okay, Mr Phel, let’s just say you’re Madeline. You blame me for your Dad’s death and want to get back at me, how do you do it?” He sighs a little and looks away.

“There’s a lot of demons to summon for revenge, I’d use a really powerful one if I wanted to cause real damage. Aeshma, maybe. You fight him with prayer.”

“Alright, I’ll keep that one in mind. You ever summon a demon?”

“Once, when I was younger.”

“How old?”

“Sixteen?”

“What happened?” He pauses, looking around the shop a little bit as if it wasn’t entirely empty. Astrophel undoes his vest, shirt, and takes off his undershirt to show me his back, which is covered in what looks like scars from being whipped. “Forget to use a safeword?”

“The demon I summoned got out of control, this was what happened.”

“Why do you do this, then? This year round haunted house?”

“Demonology isn’t all bad. It’s important to educate people who look for it, to prevent history from repeating itself.”

“Yeah? You educate Madeline? From what I understand, she’s been in an explosive amount of trouble.”

“...I don’t know who you’re talking about, Tony. But education doesn’t always work, some people are too determined. I can only tell them how to do it safely."

"I'll remember that next time I see someone suicidal. I'll teach them how to use the gun so they kill themselves properly and don't just wound themselves." I check the time and sigh. I still have some time… “Do you know any churches nearby that help with demons?” I get some directions for a couple different churches and take myself to the closest one.

I’ve never been religious, the science doesn’t add up. Sure, these days it’s a little more likely, but I don’t believe in Zeus and Hades just because I know Thor and Loki. Why would I suddenly start believing in Jesus? But churches always make me uncomfortable for some reason. Maybe it’s because it could be one more father I wasn’t good enough for.

I let myself into the building, looking around at all of the grandiose artwork and statues. To think, people call me gaudy… I scan for life forms, and find two bodies at the confessional booths. Probably the priest on one side and some poor bastard on the other. I trail my fingers along the pews, my shoes echo against the floor, and I try to not listen to the person in the confessional and busy myself looking at a stained glass window when they step out.

Then, once that person is gone, I wait for the priest to come out. He’s younger, maybe my age, dark hair, round, Scottish. My glasses don’t pick up any kind of criminal activity or indication that he’s molesting altar boys.

“Tony Stark?”

“In the flesh.”

“What are you doing here? You never seemed to be a man of faith.”

“I’m not, but someone I know has some interesting hobbies and I’m trying to get a better grasp of it.”

“What can I help you with? Perhaps a confession?”

“Please, if God is real I’ve done too many things to get into heaven, confessing won’t help.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that. God is much more understanding than some people believe, and you’ve been working quite hard to make up for your mistakes. I’m sure when your time comes, you will meet him in heaven.” Well, that’s a nice thought.

“Thanks. I’ve got a few generations of sins I’m working off, so, you know, that’s gonna take some time. But I wanted to ask you about demons and demonology, I know someone who is in trouble. I think she summoned a demon and now it’s gotten out of control.”

“Oh… dear. Do you know any information about the demon?”

“Not too much. Won’t give her its name, maybe can cause explosions, knock out electricity. She might have super powers, and I can’t tell what might be her or what might be the demon. But she’s terrified of it, and believes it killed someone.”

“Mr Stark… are you suggesting a demon caused the incident at your tower?”

“Someone else suggested it to me, I’m trying to wear out all of the possibilities.”

“I thought it was ruled an accident?”

“I’m not sure I buy it. Like I said, exhausting all options.”

“Well, demons can be tricky. I would get this person professional help. You’re a very rich, brilliant man, Mr Stark, but I don’t think this is something you can handle alone.”

“Why’s that?”

“You said it yourself, you aren’t a man of faith. Someone who does not believe in the power of prayer cannot fight using it.”

“What about you? You fight demons?”

“I’ve studied them, but I don’t believe I’d be able to handle something of the scale you believe it to be. I’m more useful for smaller hauntings, admittedly.”

“Would you come by my place sometime? See if we’ve got some ghosts in our house?”

“Surely. When would you like me to visit?”

“Tomorrow. Do you have a phone? Are priests allowed to own them?” He laughs and pulls out his phone, exchanging numbers with me. I’ll just have to get Pepper out of the house or put her in disguise or something so he doesn’t think she’s the ghost. “I’ll of course pay you, what’s your haunted house rate?” He chuckles again, looking down at his feet.

“You don’t have to pay me in money, Mr Stark.” Is he going to… ask me to pay with my body? “Just a confession and come to at least one sermon.” Damn, I wish he would’ve asked me for head.

“Alright, you got a deal. Wanna do the confession now? I have some time before my plans tonight.” I step into the booth and sit down, I start from when I was little. All of the times I hacked into something, pranked someone, purposely did something to upset my Father. Times I studied people and used their weaknesses against them in school, times I manipulated people or circumstances to fit my needs, drugs, alcohol, a lot of sex. I only get to my second year of college when I have to go. He gives me a worried look and a lot of hail marys, suggesting I really try confessing more regularly. I decide not to tell him I’m on my way to tell Captain America I can’t fuck him anymore because I brought my dead girlfriend back from the grave, figuring that’s a lot of information for anyone to handle. I don’t even want to think about it.

I fly my way over there, but have Jarvis send a car to pick us up. I pace outside of the apartment building for a few minutes, trying to decide what I’m going to say or do… but nothing comes to mind. Planning’s not entirely my strong suit, so hopefully just jumping into it will work out. It usually- it… it sometimes… it works enough of the time for me, so it’s probably going to be fine. I call Steve when the car arrives, telling him to come down.

I’m nervous when I see him, which is a first, and I catch myself staring. He’s wearing tight jeans, a tight shirt, a tight leather jacket and boots, hair perfectly in place, jawline absolutely killer, gorgeous eyelashes, ocean like eyes… This is very counterproductive, it was a lot easier to ignore how good looking he is when I hadn’t slept with him. I stupidly wet my lips.

“You dress up for me?”

“I wouldn’t call this dressing up.” Fuck you and your effortless beauty, Rogers. Fuck me. Wait, that’s not- that’s not what I mean. He slides into the passenger seat after I get the door for him.

“So, you decide where you want to go?” I bring up the GPS, despite not really needing it, and get ready to type in whatever Steve’s decided on.

“How about Italian? I’ve been wanting lasagna lately.”

“Alright, lasagna it is, Garfield.” Putting in the directions and hacking us a reservation to a nice restaurant, trying to not pay attention to how good Steve smells. I turn on some music for the ride, and mull over what I'm going to say in my head. Unfortunately, after a few songs, Steve turns the volume down.

"What was wrong earlier?"

"Nothing, it's just…" I don't want to disappoint him, hurt him. "I'm not great with feelings, never have been. Everyone keeps saying you're in love with me, but I'm still in love with Pepper." I should probably just tell him.

"Would that be a problem? If I have romantic feelings for you." I squeeze the steering wheel.

"Do you?"

"What if I do?"

"Steve, stop dancing around the question."

"I do love you, Tony." I slow to a stop at a red light, and neither of us say anything or look at each other. I think we both know what I have to say, but neither of us want to acknowledge it. I don't know what to think. Cap and I almost never see eye to eye, but I like to think we balance each other out. It still hurts to remember how he hid my parents murder from me, and how he became a fugitive with Barnes instead of working on it with me. He's stupidly self righteous, but he helps me see things from another point of view.

We continue our way to the restaurant, the music playing quietly in the car, neither of us turning it up or speaking. When we get to the parking lot, I don't get out right away.

"Steve-"

"You don't have to say it, I know the answer. Let's just go eat." So we do. We sit in a private booth area, I tell him to get whatever he wants and not worry about the price. I get myself a very dry martini and some chicken alfredo, he gets a beer and his lasagna. We get appetizers, and don't talk until we've finished them and I'm on my second drink.

"Steve… about Pepper…" It's only fair I tell him.

"It's too soon, right? I tried to tell Sam, but he kept saying-"

"She's not dead." Steve just stares at me for a few seconds. "Well, she was dead. Pepper really did die, I just… brought her back."

"What?"

"I used Extremis on her remains, repaired her, brought her back."

"Tony-"

“Please don’t give me the playing god and messing with things I don’t understand speech.”

“What else am I supposed to say? That’s an insane thing to do!” He whisper yells at me, and I can’t say I didn’t see this coming. Should’ve stuck with the first instinct of not telling him… I was lulled into a sense of obligation by his stupid blue eyes and honest feelings.

“But it worked! Steve, it worked. She’s okay, she’s at home. She’s completely stabilized, conscious, functioning.”

“She’s a human, Tony, not an AI!”

“Yeah, and I saved her.”

“Did Pepper even consent to something like this?”

“How would she have even done that?!”

“That’s my point, Tony, you can’t mess with people’s lives like that.”

“Yeah, well, she didn’t consent to being dead either.” I slam my hand down on the table, shaking our drinks and making the waiter coming towards us pause. I glance at him out of the corner of my eye and sit back in my seat, straightening my jacket a little and putting on my sunglasses. The waiter slowly comes over to give us our dinner, and I ask for another dry martini. Steve apologizes for the disruption, and gives a polite smile, waiting to glare at me again until the man has wandered back toward the kitchen.

“Take your sunglasses off, the sun is down and we’re inside.”

“I’m scanning my brain waves. I’m trying to track my temper, it always seems to get worse around you these days. I think it’s something to do with-”

“Extremis. The thing you injected Pepper with.”

“You’re really testing my patience with this, Rogers. Eat your lasagna. I brought us to the best Italian restaurant in New York, we’re underdressed, and we’re going to enjoy this dinner if it kills us.” We shut up and eat, I throw back a few more martinis than I probably should. Steve tries to split the check and I just about jump the table when he starts to say it. I give the waiter an extremely kind tip, something that will probably pay his rent for the next couple months.

I get into another argument with Steve on driving. I’m drunk, but I argue that Jarvis can just drive us, and Steve insists on driving. I just about suit up and fly myself home, but I’m trying to prove a point. I keep forgetting what the point is, but I know I’m trying to make one. I still end up in the passenger seat, sulking, while Steve drives. I watch the lights pass, half hanging my head out the window. We reach a stop light on our silent, musicless car ride, and I pull my head back in. I look at him next to me, one hand on the wheel, eyes set on the road.

“I don’t want to fight with you, Steve.”

“I don’t want to fight, either.” Could’ve fooled me. “I just worry, Tony. You always have these big ideas, but you decide to work out the kinks as things go along. Pepper’s life… that’s not something you should be toying with.”

“I know what I’m doing.” Kind of. “I’ve been running experiments, tracking things closely. I’m working on it, but everything has been working out so far.”

“What happens when things stop working out? What happens if something goes wrong with her?”

“Nothing is going to happen.”

“What if it does?”

“Then, I guess I’ll work it out as I go along, Steven! I can’t see the future, I can only imagine it and try to work with it. It’s how my brain works, how I work, how anything I’ve created- my father created- exists. It’s how you’re even alive, Cap. You could’ve died with that serum, but-”

“But that was my choice, Tony.”

“But it worked.”

“That’s not my point.”

“No, but it’s my point. It’s Pepper, she didn’t deserve what happened to her. If I can give her a second chance, why shouldn’t I?”

“What about all of the other people who deserve second chances?”

“I can’t help everyone.”

“Exactly. How are you going to tell people Pepper is alive and okay, when so many other people have lost loved ones who didn’t deserve to die, either?”

“So, what, because of them I shouldn’t help Pepper?”

“If you created the cure for cancer, would you only give it to Pepper?”

“What do you want me to do? Kill her again?” We start driving again, I take off my glasses and run a hand over my face and then through my hair. I’m exhausted. “I’ll cross that road when I get there, Steve. I’ll figure something out, I always do.”

“It’s selfish of you, and reckless. It’s not your life you’re playing with, it’s her’s.” I feel like I’m going to have a meltdown, so I choose to shut up. I want to curl up and cry, but I don’t. I go back to watching the lights pass, doing algebra in my head to try and relax. I start with easy ones and go up in difficulty, passing through them faster than I remember doing before the Extremis. 

When we get back to Steve's apartment building, neither of us move to get out. We just sit there, exhausted and stressed.

"I'm sorry, Steve. I really am. I don't know why you love me, I don't really get it, and I'm sorry. You deserve better, you should aim higher."

"Tony, to me, there isn't anyone higher to aim for." I look over at him and he's so sincere with this stupid, sad smile on his face that it makes my chest ache.

"Come on, what about Thor? Even Pepper wants him." He smirks and laughs quietly, shaking his head.

"Well, if Pepper ever leaves you for Thor, you know where to find me." I smile a little, watching as he gets out of the car.

"...Steve. I mean it. Don't wait for me, there's plenty of better fish in the sea."

"...Goodnight, Shell Head."

"Night, Wing Head." I watch him in the rearview mirror after he closes the door and walks away. He looks back at the car when he gets to the building's door, and he stays there for a couple long seconds before going inside.

I ask Jarvis to drive me back, and I recline the seat to lay down. I don't sleep, I just stare at the stars through the sunroof. I don't want to think about it, but… what if something does go wrong? What if Pepper starts to decay? What if she resents being alive? I need her, I want her to have another chance, she deserves to be alive- but is she alright with me deciding that for her? What if she was happy dead?

I get back to the mansion and just stay in the car for a few minutes, trying to slow my brain down before I get inside. Once I feel less like a suddenly unclogged drain with a data stream rushing through it, I head inside and find Pepper playing scrabble with Happy.

"Who's winning, darling?" I shuffle out of my shoes and walk over by them. Pepper glances at me for a second, before going back to her game. She's winning.

"Don't know yet. How was dinner with your boyfriend?"

"We argued like always. I told him the truth, that you're back. It only seemed fair considering he's madly in love with me."

"Madly, huh?"

"Oh yeah, it was a real tearjerker. He's America's Sweetheart, I was so conflicted, but you still won in the end. So, you know, came home after breaking his star-spangled heart."

She puts down 'jukebox' and Happy just holds his face in his hands while she gets up to walk over to me. "You look tired. Did he really take it that bad?"

"No, he took it fine. We argued about other stuff, avenger things." She leans up and gives me a quick kiss. "Happy, go home. I can take care of her from here."

"Alright, just call when you need me. I'll beat you at scrabble one of these days, boss." I go to see him out, feeling Pepper's arms wrap around me from behind.

"Tony… let's go to bed." That's not a suggestion, and I quickly follow her to the bedroom. About halfway there, I stop her against a wall in the hallway and kiss her there. Pepper is warm and… taught. God, she’s fucking hot. I make quick work of her clothes and pick her up to put her legs around my waist.

“Fuck, you’re hot.” I press her against the wall, rolling my hips against her. “I missed you.” I kiss Pepper’s jaw, moaning into her ear as she tangles a hand in my hair. “I missed you. I love you, Pepper.”

“I love you, too.” I take her into the bedroom, sitting back on the bed while she undresses me next. Once we’re both naked, she climbs on top of me and we make out for a while, hands wandering with no real destination until I pull her up to sit on my face. She tastes sweet, like the fruit she must have been eating while I was gone, and her hand grips my bangs while the other supports her against the bed frame. She grinds against me, burying me nose deep and suffocating me in an extremely pleasant way, and she doesn’t let me get a decent breath in until she cums. I’m fairly certain the tiny breaths I took when I could and Extremis are the only reason I didn’t need to tap out.

When she eases down, I go to wipe my face on a blanket and she stops me. “Don’t,” she says, “you look good like that.” Pepper stands up, putting a hand on my chest to tell me to stay. I watch her cross the room, legs long and beautiful, hair falling down her back in a gorgeous sunset-gold sheet. “You better not move. Not even a little, got it?” Pepper maneuvers down me after putting my hands up by my head. She moves down my body almost methodically, slender fingers touching me in all the right places, kissing and leaving small bruises on her way down while her hair tickles my skin. I give a shaky moan when she gets down by my thighs, clenching and unclenching my fists while she seems to put her mouth everywhere but where I want it.

“Pep.”

“I’m savoring it. I’m keeping track of all the differences Extremis made.” I almost whine, her hand holding my hip down as I tense up. “No moving, remember?” This time I do whine, dropping my head back into the pillow and resisting the urge to squirm under her grip. Pepper loves doing this, toying with me. Some days I’d prefer she tie me up, let me at least struggle, but I muster up the willpower I never seem to have for anything else to just not move. It gets her off, it gets me off, and I can’t pretend it isn’t hot seeing her take control like that.

If there was a degree in blowjobs, Pepper could earn a doctorate she’s so good at it. She’s so stunningly beautiful doing it that it’s almost painful to look at. Knows everything I like and edges me like that’s her job, making me see stars behind my eyes while I strain from the effort of trying not to cum and trying not to move. “Pepper. Let me.”

“Let you what?”

“Let me fuck you.” She sighs, tucking her hair behind one ear and looking up at me while her lips drag against my aching cock. “Please let me fuck you. I’m begging you, please.”

“That’s better.” Pepper makes her way back up to my face and kisses me, allowing me to wrap my arms around her and turn us over. I run my hand over her leg, drinking her up and leaving light red marks down her thigh while one hand finds lube. I start out gentle, kind of wondering if Extremis would’ve restored her virginity. I don’t think it did, but I take my time anyway. “Tony-”

“I’m savoring it.” I chuckle against her neck, teasing her a little before busying my mouth with her chest. Her back arches off the bed when I bend my fingers just the right way, she yells my name this time. I pick up the pace, building to a faster rhythm with my fingers while jerking my palm against her clit, until her nails are digging so hard into my shoulders it almost causes my armor to form. Pepper writhes against me and she bites her knuckles on the hand not bruising my shoulder, trying and failing to keep quiet.

I keep going until she kicks my thighs and looks up at me with her pupils blown out, hair sticking to her face from sweat, absolutely glistening and needy. “Tony.” I can’t help but smirk and lick my lips.

“You gonna ask nicely?”

“Fuck you.”

“Almost.”

“Fuck me.”

“Good enough, Mrs Stark.” I spent long enough with my fingers, apparently, that Pepper doesn’t even want to wait for me to ease her into it. One of her legs tangles with mine on the bed while the other hikes up for me to get my hand under her knee. “Fuck, Pepper.”

“That’s your job.” She gives a breathy laugh against my cheek and pulls on my hair. Far be it from me to not do my job. I want to take it slow, be romantic, something soft. But, neither of us did the foreplay like that, so neither of us end up being very invested in that idea until round two.

We take it slower this time, softer, with more meaning and less purpose. I’m holding her upright against me from behind, one hand on her chest and the other between her thighs. My fingers and my hips move at the same pace, she has one hand in my hair and the other holding mine on her breast.

After round four, with round three being a water break, we’re tangled in damp and sticky bedsheets. She wraps most of it around her, leaving me with about one-fifth of the blanket, but it’s warm in the room, so I don’t mind. “Your eyes- so green, it's crazy."

“Thank you, I know that.”

“I just- you know- I’m glad. I ended up with glowing blue eyes, and while that would’ve been super sexy on you, I like your eyes now. They work with your hair, you know, like-” green meadows and a warm sunset. I wet my lips, suddenly feeling a little vulnerable. “-it’s very… Irish.” Pepper squints a little at me.

“Irish?”

“That’s- yeah. That was the best I could come up with.” She laughs, and I’m grateful she can see through the bullshit to know that it’s not really what I had in mind.

“You’re an idiot.”

“I have PhDs! I got those when I was in my early twenties!”

“So it should be Dr Stark, right?”

“Please, people will start thinking I’m a real doctor. The last thing I need is people coming up to me thinking I’ll be their therapist.”

“Like you did to Bruce?”

“Exactly like that.” I smile into leisurely kisses, pulling her closer into me. I feel at peace for the first time since she died, like things might work out after all and Steve is wrong to worry so much.

“We should sleep, Dr Potts.” Pepper snuggles her face into the space between my neck and shoulder, and I let my eyes close. Unfortunately, I’m still plagued with nightmares, waking up often with the panic that I’m holding Pepper’s decaying corpse in my bed while in a room coated in blood. They’re different from my usual nightmares this time, more gruesome and less memory with more imagination. Pepper wakes up with me a couple times, calming me down and promising me she’s not going anywhere.


	7. Chapter 7

I wake up when the morning alarm goes off, and immediately panic when she’s not in bed with me. I yell out for her, and hear a distant ‘I’m here!’ from the bathroom. “Oh, thank god.” I drop into the bed from where I’d shot up in fear. She comes out of the bathroom a few minutes later, dressed in her usual workout outfit for her morning jogs, and makes me get up and shower so she can wash the sheets. I comply and take a warm, relaxing shower, listening in on the security feeds to hear Pepper sing to herself while making breakfast. Sometimes I feel bad when I catch her singing and I linger, especially now that I’m listening directly and purposely, because she’ll only sing when she’s alone- but her voice is soothing, and I’ve never not been one to indulge in something that I enjoy. Especially hearing it for the first time in a long time, having believed I’d never hear it again.

I take my time getting dressed, but I join her in song once I make my way into the kitchen. “Were you eavesdropping on me?” I wrap my arms around her waist.

“No, never. I merely heard you from the other room.” I peck her on the cheek and she peels my arms off her so she can continue chopping up tomatoes for omelettes.

“Uh-huh, sure.” I kiss her shoulders and the back of her neck until she shoos me away to go sit down and stop being distracting. I just watch Pepper work, feeling absolutely besotted.

“So,” She starts, setting down my omelette on the table in front of me. “What’s the plan? I can’t sit here forever, there’s too much I’ve got to be behind on as CEO. I want to go back over everything I missed while gone, make sure nothing is too screwed up.”

“Hey, don’t say it like that. Jarvis and I worked really hard.”

“Yes, you worked very hard on your signature after I had done the rest.”

“J, I’ll turn you off.” Pepper smiles and digs into her food, I soften up a little. “You can do all of that from home, I’ll just keep pretending to be CEO until things are taken care of."

“How long will that take?”

“Uhh, not long. I ran some errands and picked up a priest, got him to agree to come bless the house or whatever. Got some more ideas about how to handle demons, how to help the girl who summoned it.”

“Okay, well, don’t take too long. I hate sitting on my hands doing nothing, and I hate working from home even more than that. I don’t know how you stand working in the basement and then coming up here. I hate having my workspace and living space being the same space.”

“Probably helps that I enjoy my job.” She scoffs, motioning for me to eat my food.

“I enjoy my job, you just make it incredibly difficult.”

“You wouldn’t have any fun if I didn’t.”

“I don’t have any fun because you do. That’s why I want Thor to show me a good time.”

“Ugh, baby, you’re killing me over here. I will get on my knees and eat you for breakfast if that’s what it takes.”

“Maybe later.” We finish eating and she goes to jog on the treadmill while I check on the rats and then head down to the basement to work on things until the priest gets here. I call him to confirm our plans, and I ask Pepper to stay in the guest room when he arrives. “Are you seriously hiding me? From the priest?”

“He thinks you’re dead, it was all over the news! I’m not trying to kill a priest by causing a heart attack. What if he tries to banish you, or something?”

“Well, if he’s any good at his job, he’ll know I’m not a spirit to banish.”

“Pep, if President Lincoln showed up on our doorstep, wouldn’t you be creeped out?”

“No, I’d assume it’s just a guy in a costume.”

“Okay, now imagine you’re a priest, and you find the grieving widow with someone who looks identical to his dead girlfriend.” She pauses.

“I’d think you’re sleeping with her sister.”

“Pepper, you’re an only child.”

“He doesn’t know that!”

“You want a priest thinking I’m having sex with my dead girlfriend’s twin sister?!”

“It’s creepy, it’s not a sin! We’d both be grieving! Seeking comfort in one another!”

“You want to be the twin sister fucking her dead sister’s boyfriend?”

“I’d rather be that than hide in the guest room!”

“What’s the news gonna say about me?!”

“Nothing worse than usual!” I pause.

“So, we’ll lie to the priest?”

“Please, Tony, God will understand.” I guess he’ll have to. “Maybe if we ask the priest not to tell anyone, he won’t.”

“Yeah, hopefully me having sex with what could’ve been my sister-in-law will stay between the holy trinity: you, me, and him."

"You're so dramatic. I'm going to get ready for company. You should, too."

"I am ready for company."

"You're covered in grease."

"Well, while I was going through different chemical compounds that could have caused such a severe explosion, I was also working on Steve's bike."

"Steve's bike?"

"Yeah, I made a custom motorcycle for him. Help him get around without looking his age- have you seen the man's car? Anyway, I'm just enhancing a classic. I wonder if I should make it capable of flight."

"A flying motorcycle?"

"Yeah, wanna look at some designs with me?"

"No, you're the designer, I'm not going to mess with your mechanical stuff. Now get cleaned up." I reluctantly get all of the grease off me and change into clothes that are considered presentable by Pepper's standards. By the time we're both properly ready, I'm suggesting we have a cheese spread while Pepper insists we don't need one, Jarvis alerts me to our company.

We get the door together, and the Priest stops mid greeting when he sees Pepper. "Oh, this is Pepper's sister." Don't say salt. No matter how tempting it is. "Dakota." Pepper smiles and offers her hand to shake. "You can call her Salt."

"Please, Dakota is fine. Salt is just a nickname Anthony teases me with." My skin crawls at hearing her call me my full first name, I'll probably hear about that salt bit later.

"Well, it's good to have company during trying times." The priest sort of looks around a little anxiously, wringing his hands and looking uncomfortable when I motion for him to come in. "I'm sorry, Mr Stark, I… fear I cannot enter."

"Wh… why not? If you're weirded out that Dakota is with me, I promise it's only platonic."

"Yes. I could never imagine being with Anthony, he's not really my type."

"Yeah, she likes Thor. Anyway, come on, we won't bite."

"It's not that. I'm afraid you have an… extremely dark presence in your home. Even just from here I can sense it. A priest of my caliber coming into the home would only anger it. You must seek counsel elsewhere, I can give you some recommendations."

"Okay, so the house is haunted?"

"Yes, to say the least. Here, let me write down some people for you to contact."

"So, like, how haunted are we talking?" I take the paper he hands me, folding it into my pocket. “Like, demolish the building?”

“The most I can say with my experience is that… I wouldn’t recommend staying here until it’s cleansed.” Well, shit. “Again, I’m sorry I can’t be of more assistance.”

“That’s okay, Father. Just telling this bolts-for-brains he needs to move out of the house for a while is enough.” Pepper thanks him for coming out anyway, and quickly turns on me once the door is closed. “I’m packing.”

“Alright, fine. I just built a new facility, we can stay there until we get this sorted out. It’s pretty bare bones but we can bring stuff to make it a little more home-y.”

“Why can’t we stay at one of the vacation houses?”

“I don’t want to be too far. The facility is closer than any of our other places, and we won’t be gone that long. Just a few days. I’ll get a priest out here, get everything wiped away or whatever, then we’ll be back here in no time and you can integrate back into society.” We pack just the essentials to last us at least a week, and the building I made for blowing up is… admittedly a lot longer away than I lead Pepper to believe. She sleeps on the ride over, I bring the Rescue armor just to be safe. I work on contacting priests and coordinating plans for the mansion and the tower while I drive.

I call Rhodey and Happy telepathically, which is incredibly cool, and let them know that I’m going to be hiding out with Pepper for a little while. I leave out the demons on purpose, but Happy brings it up, asking if the mansion is possessed.

“Only by Jarvis.”

“Tony, what is Happy talking about?”

“Tony, you didn’t tell him about the demons?”

“The _demons_?! Tony-”

“Calm down! Calm down, it’s fine. I’ve got it under control, Rhodes. The mansion might have a demonic attachment, so pest control is going to bug bomb the place with holy water.”

“Should we get Thor?”

“Uhh, maybe. I’m thinking it’s a different brand. Something a little less alien, little more… biblical.”

“Told you you should’ve come to church with me back in college.”

“Yeah, Pepper was giving me the same talk. She wants to start going to be on the safe side, but isn’t your body the temple or something and not the church? So, like, can’t we just have communion at home?”

“I mean… kind of. Seeing an actual pastor might do you some good, though. Get you baptized.”

“You know, I did go to confession.” Happy openly laughs at this. “I did! Started from the beginning, poor guy looks traumatized. Didn’t even finish my college stories.”

“Did he tell you to get comfortable with the idea of hell?”

“Yeah, and that you two assholes are gonna come right with me. Guilty by association.”

“Uh-uh. Tony, I did not sing every Sunday in my Mom’s church choir just so I could go to hell for knowing your dumbass.”

“Come on, Rhodey, it’ll be fun. Hell, the three of us. We can give Satan a run for his money. I’ll be the new king and you two can be my bodyguards.”

“Woah!”

“Wow!”

“What, like that’s not what you are now?”

“Let someone else have a turn to be king, Tony. You get this lifetime, you can’t have the afterlife.”

“You two won’t even last a day ruling hell, you’ll have no idea what you’re doing.”

“Tony, being your head of security is a day in hell, I think I can handle it.”

“You can be the bouncer, how’s that? Rhodey, you can be the one that feeds me grapes off the vine.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Only because I have to split my brain cells between all three of us when I’m with you two. Rhodey, did Happy tell you about losing to Pepper at Scrabble for the fifty-eighth time in a row?”

“Damn, she’s back from the dead and already back to kicking his ass.”

“Hey, it’s not fair! Tony injected Pepper with some weird serum, she’s probably, you know, like… elevated now.”

“Elevated? Dude, she’s been destroying you at scrabble well before this.”

“Pepper’s always been elevated, Hap, it’s not your fault. She’s smarter than Howard and I combined, she’s just naturally like that. I’m going to marry her.”

“Finally.”

“I still have the ring.”

“I mean it, guys. I’m gonna marry her. I tried jokingly calling her Mrs. Stark to see if she’d react to it, and she was into it. I should probably wait for all of this to be done before I propose, though, right?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes, Happy, he should wait. Pepper isn’t even alive to anyone but us right now.”

“No, Colonel, he shouldn’t. Wasn’t it enough already? Make a whole announcement later, just do it now.”

“Okay, while you guys duke that out, also decide on who gets to be my best man.”

“Obviously-”

“-me.”

“Bye, have fun.” I hang up, not eager to deal with the mess I just caused. Ultimately, I’ll have to decide, huh… I’d consider Steve as a third option, but… that would probably be pretty awkward. Although, it may be worth it if Thor is Pepper’s maid of honor. Get him in a nice dress, I’m sure we could find something that would suit him, maybe braid his hair. Once we arrive, I try to get everything unloaded and sorted out without waking Pepper up. I fail about halfway through and she wakes up to chastise me about the decor of the mostly empty facility.

“It’s not like you, what is this place? The living area is so small, you always build too big.”

“I’m just going to blow it up, I didn’t plan on keeping it around long. It’s just for playing with chemicals until I figure out what could’ve exploded. I’m hoping I can find more… concrete answers, than just a demon did it.”

“So we moved out of the demon house… to the bomb house.”

“No, it’s not a bomb. It’s a place for the bomb, but I haven’t even gotten a bomb for it, yet. Anyway, feel free to make the place home for now. I’ll have Happy come out to keep an eye on things when I’m out, but I brought a bunch of my projects with me to work on- ones that won’t kill us- so… you know, you’ll have me.”

“Will I, now?”

“If, you know, you want me around. At the very least, I make good eye-candy. I can put on boxer briefs and do yoga with you, give you a nice view.” Pepper laughs and starts unpacking her bag. “Pepper.” She looks over her shoulder at me, and… “Are you okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“You died, Pep… are you okay?”

“...Yeah.” Pepper goes back to what she was doing. “Yeah, I mean, physically I feel fine. Mentally, I mean… I’m- I’m okay. It’s a little weird to think about, and I don’t remember a lot of it. I remember… falling, the heat. Then I opened my eyes and I was in the workshop. Like I was dozing off and then I blinked.”

“Are you sure? There’s nothing going on? No… nightmares? Weird visions?”

“No, not yet, at least. I don’t know, I haven’t been… alive very long, I guess. Maybe the ghosts haven’t come for me yet.”

“Don’t jinx it.” Making the place feel like home is… pretty impossible. For me, it’s easy, the metal is familiar. Pepper doesn’t complain, but I assume that won’t last long. Not because Pepper complains a lot, but because it sucks for people who didn’t grow up in a garage and hide or take naps in there. “Sorry, I know this place doesn’t have a lot of... anything. I literally made it to explode, so it’s bare minimum. It’s no glamping, so we might have to go to the house every now and then.”

“It’s better than sleeping in the haunted mansion.”

“Yeah, without Eddie Murphy it’s not quite as enticing.” Pepper sits down with a tablet while I start to work on theoretical explosives. I don’t want to move too much over from the mansion, but I definitely miss having all of my stuff instead of just some of my stuff. Plus, I can't really explode things if we are going to be living here for a few days. I can do contained things, sure, but with the amount of damage the Stark Industries tower suffered, I'm not about to accidentally kill us.

We work like that for a while, I eventually send a sentry out to retrieve us dinner and a few other things from home. For dinner, we have tacos and I try and decide how I’m going to ask her if she’ll at least consider having computer chips put in her arms to call the Rescue armor. I mean, she did _die_. If there’s any time to make an argument about extra security, it’s now. The only issue is that I’m not sure if it would work with demons apparently being able to shut down electrical power. I still have to figure out how to control my own suit in that situation. You’d think since it’s literally part of me I wouldn’t need to worry about that, as it is in the hollows of my bones. But here we are. Maybe I shouldn’t bring it up until I figure that out- but if Pepper doesn’t want nanochips in her arms then I can’t imagine she’ll want another Extremis injection.

“What’s wrong?”

“Hm? Nothing. Why?”

“You’re wearing your worried face. Like you did something you’re nervous about, and you can’t decide if you want to tell me or not.”

“That sounds like a really specific face that I don’t remember making.”

“Trust me, you did. What is it?”

“...I’m worried about you. I’m worried about you being safe, healthy, alive, happy. I’m worried about… if I can protect you from everything around me, if I’m doing the right thing, if I can make certain choices for the best or if someone else’s desires outweigh their safety.”

“I’m happy that I’m here with you, Tony. Alive, eating tacos together in this… pop up bunker.”

“That’s not just it, Pep. Killian injected you with Extremis before, and you didn’t want to keep it, so we got rid of it. I injected you with it again to bring you back to life, and I might have to inject you with tech so you can keep yourself alive if something were to happen again.”

“You want to microchip me for the Rescue armor. Tony, you know how I feel about that.”

“I know, you don’t like it. But what if something happens?”

“Aren’t you the one who said Jarvis can just revive us?”

“Pepper, please, I’m begging you.”

“No, Tony! I don’t want to feel like I’m constantly carrying a gun around.”

“It’s more like a jacket that happens to be very sturdy.”

“What about Jarvis reviving us?”

“If I could be convinced out of the house, then you can have microchips in your arms. Come on, Pep.”

“No way. If I’m dying, okay, but otherwise? No.” I sigh, stewing in it for a moment. “I’m sorry, Tony, I’m just not comfortable with it.” I could make it a necessity. I could tell her that she’s dying again, I have to inject her with the same version of Extremis I have. I could say I have to put the microchips in her and connect her to the suit as some life-support function. I could try to scare her into using it. Feeling at risk enough that she realizes it’s purpose outweighs her comfort might do the trick. Maybe it’s not dying that would convince her, but being almost dead.

But I could never do that to Pepper, to anyone. Despite all the bells and whistles, the suits, the avenging, the fame… I didn’t like it when I woke up and I had to start relying on a battery in my chest, no matter how much it helped me. Part of me still resents the people who put it there. Not Yinsen, or even the men who physically captured me, but Obediah. My chest aches at the memory and I finish my taco.

“Alright, you win. We won’t do it. Can’t blame me for trying.” I clean up the garbage and get back to work. I lose track of time, and Pepper goes to bed without me after I say ‘in a minute’ for the eighth time. Around three in the morning, my brain feels fried and I crawl into bed, spooning Pepper from behind on the inflatable mattress. We end up spending a week like this, with different priests coming by and doing different blessings. A couple of them run away like the first one, and we go through a couple different religions. I get a lot of weird, uncomfortable looks from priests about supposedly being with my girlfriend’s sister.

I have nightmares as usual, Pepper still seems fine aside from some cabin fever. I black out twice in the workshop, once in the bedroom, three times outside. I keep an eye on the rats, trying to see if they’ll start having adverse reactions, see if I need to start worrying about Pepper blacking out. Pepper worries about me in return, suggesting we start putting soft things down for if I collapse. Though the blacking out has yet to lead to me falling and hurting myself and more me just losing time. Nothing as bad as the first time, not for as long. Arguably, it’s getting better and not worse. I just wish it wasn’t happening at all.

Once we’re back in the mansion, I’m warned against residual ghost energy but told that, as long as I keep the lord in the home, we’ll be okay. I put up a really ugly looking cross in the main room, Pepper stares at me silently until I take it down. We decide that we’ll figure out a more low key approach as long as things don’t start acting up again. I have tabs running on everything I could get my hands on related to Madeline. There hasn’t been anything weird on her radar for a while, seems like everything is business as usual for a college student.

Next… is telling people Pepper is alive. “Okay, I don’t want to say it, but we should see your Mother first.” Pepper doesn’t want me to say it, either. She’s never had a good relationship with her Mother, actively resents her, and hasn’t spoken to her in almost three years.

“I guess I shouldn’t let her find out through the TV that her daughter is alive.” I look over sympathetically, gently touching her elbow to invite her in for a hug. I let out a small sigh and give Pepper a nice squeeze while I rest my chin on her head, closing my eyes. God, it feels so good to hug her like this- especially with being taller. It makes it feel like I can protect her, if even just a little more.

“Will it help if I let you have the worst parent award for the week?”

“Really? I know how much you hate Howard.”

“Just for the week, then it goes back on my side of the bed.” She laughs against me and I ease up on the hug, moving instead to cup her face in my hands and kiss her.

“You know, when we have kids, we gotta get rid of it.” When. When… man… as fast as I can talk myself out of having kids because I’m an irresponsible super hero, just looking at Pepper makes me want them again.

“I think we should give it to them and have them in charge of which of us is the worst parent.”

“Oh, please, if our child gave it to you as a joke, you’d have a crisis.”

“That’s… probably true, but they never would give it to me. I’ll probably spoil them rotten. Plus, kids love Iron Man.”

“You are not going to spoil them and make me look like a mean mom.”

“Why don’t we both spoil them?”

“Because if we both spoil them they’ll turn out to be mongrels.” I laugh, letting her go so we can finish getting ready to see her mother. I ask Pepper if she’d fly in the Rescue armor while I take the Iron Man, but she gives me the look. “Do you want people to see us flying together and put that on the news before I see my mother? Lead them to her house?” We take the tesla.

The ride is spent listening to Pepper’s preferred music, classical, which I don’t love. But, I love her, so we listen to classical music while relaxing in the backseat. Jarvis drives us around, and I shut off anything capable of taking a picture when we have to stop to use the bathroom or eat. Lots of questions, weird stares, and people not entirely buying that it wasn’t actually Pepper in the hat and sunglasses but not having another answer to it than it being her sister.

Once we get to the house, which is, by the way, a very nice house that I paid for, we sit in the car for about ten minutes and just stare at it. “I told her I was coming with something of yours for her.”

“That’s an understatement.”

“Well, saying it over the phone seemed like a bad idea. You ready?”

“I guess I have to be.” We leave the car, up the steps, and at the door. “Two weeks.”

“What?”

“I want that award for two weeks.”

“Fine.” I knock on the door, and we wait for about two minutes before it opens. “Hi, Mrs Potts.”

“What is this?”

“Mom, don’t freak out.”

“Anthony, what is this?”

“It’s Pepper-”

“No it’s not.” She shakes her head, looking at me with more disdain than usual. “That’s not my Virginia. I buried my daughter, whatever _this_ mechanical monstros-”

“Mom, it’s me. I’m flesh and blood, I’m not made of metal.” Pepper holds out her hand and her mother scoffs, looking at her in disgust.

“You are _not_ Virginia. You are a fake.”

“Hey, it’s your daughter, Mrs Potts. What’s wrong with you?”

“It is not.”

I clench my jaw, looking away for a moment before crossing my arms and turning back to her. “I dug up the grave, Mrs Potts. I dug it up, took her body out, used a regenerative machine to restore her body to its pre-decay state, hooked her up to a ton of machines to simulate life activity, then shot her with a super drug that revitalized her and gave her a full recovery. I gave myself the same drug, which is why my eyes are blue, and I can also mentally set off all of the alarms in your house.” Which I do, causing Pepper’s mother to jump and turn around to look inside the house before looking back at me.

“Cut that out!” I do. “Look, Anthony. I don’t care what space magic or crazy science you inject yourself or this… this abomination with. My daughter is dead, and she’s staying dead. God doesn’t just bring people back.”

“You’re right, God didn’t, I did.”

“Mom, why are you being-”

“I am not your mother, and you are not Virginia. Anthony, you shut down this little project of yours, or at least keep it away from me.” The door slams shut and Pepper and I stand there for a few seconds in silence.

“Well, that… was…”

“It’s fine, Tony.” Pepper turns and starts walking to the car, I follow her.

“Pep, if-”

“I don’t want to talk about it right now.” So, we get in the car and start our way back. I turn on some softer, more melodic love songs to try and relax her a little bit. Things are quiet and tense for two hours until she turns the music off. “Tony, what if she’s right?”

“About what?”

“What if I’m… not me?”

“What? Of course you’re you. You’ve got all your memories, all your emotions, all of that, right?”

“I know, but… how does that make sense? We have demons we’re dealing with now, so… heaven and hell probably exist. If I was dead, how would… how would you get my soul back?”

“Do you remember heaven or hell?”

“No.”

“Then maybe you were in limbo or something, maybe whatever higher power there is knew you were going to come back and kept you there. I don’t know, just because there’s demons doesn’t mean that everything in the bible is correct. Who knows?”

“I’m scared, Tony. Maybe I shouldn’t have come back, maybe I should have just… stayed dead.”

“Pepper, no. I… I know it’s scary, but you’re you. Pepper, I know it’s you. You shouldn’t have died, so there’s no reason you couldn’t come back.”

“Uh, how about the fact that things aren’t supposed to come back from the dead?”

“I can access wifi with my brain, I think we’re past the whole ‘nature said no’ idea. You’re starting to sound like Bruce, all organics no tech. Technically, you are organic, by the way. There’s no mechanics inside you, you’re entirely you. Just you.” She looks at me with red eyes and I just want to rip my heart of my chest to give it to her as an apology. I purse my lips, giving her a worried look. “Pep, listen… if you really, really don’t feel right about this… I can… I can put you to sleep.”

“You’re offering to put me down? Like a dog?”

“I mean, I guess, yeah. I brought you back, if you want to go then I’ll help you go easy. Unless you want to die in a fire again, I can probably arrange that, too.” Pepper hits me on the arm.

“No! It’s not like that. It’s not that I want to be dead, I just… It’s weird. It’s uncomfortable to think about. I shouldn’t be alive, but I don’t want to be dead.”

“I know, my love.” I pull her into a hug, lightly running my fingers through her hair. “Don’t think about it too much. Just look at the future, not the past, right? You’ve got the worst parent award for two weeks, that’s something to look forward to.”

“I feel like I deserve it for at least a month.”

“A month?! Now you’re just getting greedy.”

“Come on, I died.”

“...Alright, fine, but you can only use that excuse once! You can’t use your death to get your way all the time, my heart can’t take it. Every time you mention it, I feel like a truck is running over me.”

“You know it wasn’t your fault, Tony.”

“I mean, it definitely happened because of me and I failed to protect you, so-”

“There was no way you could’ve protected me right then and there. You could’ve gotten killed, too. I’m just happy no one else got hurt.”

“You don’t have to pretend dying didn’t suck to spare my feelings, Pepper. I saw the footage. You were in pain, you tried to call me and I wasn’t there, you were scared.” She goes quiet and I press my lips against her head.

“...It really did suck.”

“I know, honey.”

“It really, _really_ sucked.”

“Just let it out, it’s okay.”

“I’m a _zombie!_ ” I hold Pepper as she cries against my shoulder, thankful that we’re in the backseat while Jarvis controls the car. We spend a while like this, and I wish I could do more. Maybe I can make something to… to change the memory, or erase it. All of it. Missing time, have her remember the day before and erase everything up until I reset her memory. Forget what happened at the tower, being revived, talking to her mother, everything to hint that she was dead once. I’d have to get everyone in on it, censor the public somehow. Maybe create a massive memory wipe? Make everyone but me forget, maybe broadcast something. I’d have to make it quickly, I don’t want to take too much time from people. Something like Men in Black. It’d be easy to do, I already have a basic idea of how to get it done.

But I can’t just do something like that, right? That would be wrong, selfish. Probably a violation of human rights. Of course, if no one remembers it, it’d be hard to prosecute me for it. I’d just pretend I don’t remember anything, either. Probably will end up with it being an Avenger’s issue, but if the problem is in my own house then I’ll know what to keep them away from it. But, really, I can’t do that. It’s not right. It’s not moral. Just like scaring her into keeping the armor isn’t morally correct. Just like bringing her back to life was a violation of Pepper’s rights, like Steve said.

I can’t do it. No, I can do it. I can technically do it. Technically, I can do it. I won’t do it, because I shouldn’t do it. I shouldn’t, so I won’t. I won’t.

“Pepper,” I mean, she deserves a say, right? “If I could erase all of it, every… every memory from everyone, including you,” excluding me. “Would you want me to? From the incident to right now. You, your Mom, everyone forgets that you died.”

“It won’t change anything Tony. You would have to erase everything from that girl. What was her name?"

“Madeline.”

“If she still remembers everything that happened with her family, she’ll always come after us.”

“I’ll leave my memory intact, keep her on my radar.”

“Tony… you can’t do that to yourself. The paranoia-”

“Would be nothing if it helped you. Maybe it would help her, maybe I’d be able to reconcile with her in some way. Pepper, she didn’t want to kill you. She just wanted to cause some damage, hurt the company. She’s a terrified kid.”

“But would the demon forget? Or would it just use her ignorance to force her hand?” I sigh a little. She’s right… I didn’t consider that. I probably can’t memory wipe a demon. People, computers, physical objects, even aliens- all things I can figure out. Demons? I’m not even close to understanding them on a basic level now.

“Not to mention the amount of trouble you could get into if anyone found out you secretly wiped their memories.”

“You aren’t wrong. I’m sure you and Rhodey would figure it out and save me, though.”

“Please, we aren’t miracle workers.”

“...Huh. Had me fooled. All of the miracles in my life come from you.” Damn, I’m smooth.

“You’re an idiot.” Pepper laughs but she still kisses me.

“No, I’m not. I’m the smartest man alive.”

“Had me fooled.” How could she do this to me? Turn my own line against me? In my own car? I look insulted and she laughs again while gently caressing my face. “I love you, Tony.”

“I love you, too, Pep.” I kiss her, and adjust to lay her back in the seat.

"We are not having sex in this car, it isn't even the limo and I look gross from crying."

"You don't look gross, you're beautiful. Even with your makeup all messed up, you are the most beautiful person who has ever lived. Excluding me."

"Tony."

"Alright, including me." I kiss her neck, but she still pushes me off. "Including the suits, too."

"Wait until we get home."

"But we have so much time."

"You're like a teenager."

"No, I was much worse as a teenager. The only issue was that all of the people around me wouldn't sleep with a minor. You would think the hot, rich, famous, super genius thing would’ve done more for me in college.”

"Oh, it must have been _so_ hard for you."

"Well, not as hard as it gets for you." Pepper gives me the 'you're an idiot' look, and I pose for comedic effect. Still, I relent. We relax for the rest of the ride back while setting up press conferences and rearranging some plans for the business. Once we get back home, we go straight into it. Get changed, ready to go, Happy picks us up and we go out to the press conference. No one says anything, and I just hold Pepper’s hand the whole way. We’re nervous, all of us are. This isn’t just a press conference about a new branch in the company or a new project, new product. It’s literally death defying. While it’s exciting, and can help with medical issues, it’s going to be a huge controversy. Well, you know what they say, I guess. There’s no such thing as bad press.

“Good afternoon, I’m going to get straight to the point. In advance, I’m not taking questions on account of the fact that you crashed Miss Potts’ funeral. If you all remember, people were previously exploding due to a virus Aldrich Killian and his team had created. I-” Stole, hid. “-was allowed access to samples of the Extremis virus. Long story short, I adjusted it and now I’m taller, I also found a cure… for death.”

Lots of camera flashes, hands up, murmuring. “Ah-ah-ah, no questions. You guys lost that privilege. Our guest today also won’t be taking any questions. Pepper Potts, everybody.” Pepper walks onto the stage with me, I slide my arm around her waist and give her a kiss on the cheek.

“We should probably take a few questions,” Pepper whispers when I lean in.

“Next time.” She pinches my hand, but it’s the little things that make me happy. You know, like annoying the press because they fucked up her funeral. “She is the real deal, folks. Our very own Stark Industries CEO, back from the dead. She is not a robot, a ghost, or a clone. Don’t get any weird conspiracy theories. As coming back from the dead is a very strenuous process, Miss Potts will be under observation for the time being, but will resume her work when she is ready. The Extremis vaccine is still in its experimental phases, and I will be working with medical specialists to improve it and see what else it can fix.”

The crowd is rowdy, just shouting over each other to get my or Pepper’s attention to answer some questions. “Alright, that’s all for now, everybody. Save your questions for a later date, maybe I’ll do a talk show or something.” I guide Pepper offstage with me, meeting Happy at the steps so he can guide us out of a crowd. We pile into the car and try to drive off without running anyone over.

“That went pretty well, I think.”

“We should’ve taken some questions. Who are the doctors you’re going to be working with?”

“Uhhh, Bruce?”

“You haven’t actually contacted anyone?”

“Well, technically, Bruce looked after me when I used it on myself. Jarvis gave him and Rhodey all of the information I had, so I’ve talked to some people.”

“Oh my god.”

“Don’t worry! We’ll figure something out, I might not even need other people to work on it with me.”

“This is going to turn into another governmental issue, I know it. Next thing we know, some… CIA agent or something is going to take me into custody to study me because I’m technically government property through social security or something.”

“Honey, please, if anyone owns you, it’s me. I technically own Extremis now, we could go in there and demand my property back from what they got from the Killian chunks you made."

“I can’t believe I come back to life and I have to clean up more of your messes.”

“Someone has to.” I laugh as she shoves me, and I agree to look at some groups she picks out as worthwhile to work with in progress on Extremis. While both of us want to go back to the house and relax, we’re not exactly greeted by a welcoming party at the house. “Oh, look, the avengers are all visiting.”

“They’re probably mad you ignored them and then revived me.”

“I know, they were all so looking forward to becoming my new girlfriend and CEO.” When I get out of the car with Pepper, I bathe in the glorious looks of judgement and disappointment from my friends. “Hey, you guys missed the press conference! Everyone could’ve found out together.”

“Pepper! It is wonderful to see you alive again.” Thor walks towards us, the only person who looks happy to see us. He moves to hug her and I step between them.

“Tony.” Pepper protests.

“Stark, I merely would like to-”

“Uh-uh. Nope. If you touch her, she might explode.”

“Tony, cut it out. It’s good to see you, Thor.” I’m shoved aside so she can hug him. I’m quickly pulled aside further by Bruce.

“What did I say about this!?”

“She’s not a robot, Bruce, it’s really Pepper.”

“Even if she is, Tony, you’ve barely had Extremis yourself and this stuff was just causing people to explode.”

“I fixed it in my sleep, it’s practically perfect.”

“Practically? You brought Pepper back from the dead and you didn’t wait for it to actually be perfect?”

“I didn’t know how much time I had, I had to dig her body up fast and get to work. I ran some tests first on rats, if that makes you feel any better. If there starts to be signs of it wearing off I can just give her more. Like an insulin shot.”

“Tony, how long did you have us believing she was dead for? Why didn’t you tell anyone? I like Pepper, too, you know.”

“Nat, I swear, it wasn’t long. Just those few days I was off the radar.”

“You didn’t even want to tell us you were thinking about it?”

“You all would’ve stopped me.”

“It’s true, we would’ve. You should’ve talked to the team about this.”

“Steve, you knew. I told you first. Well, aside from Happy, and I didn’t exactly tell Rhodey so much as he found out.”

“Don’t drag Steve into this, we’re talking about you.” I look at Clint and it would take longer for me to count the amount of times I’ve heard something along those lines than it would be for me to recount the digits in pi. “Don’t you think it would’ve been helpful to the rest of us if you were bringing people back to life? We all have dead people.”

“Guys, cut it out. Don’t act like you all wouldn’t have revived your dead girlfriends. Hasn’t Tony been through enough?” Rhodey, my knight in shining armor, cuts between them and moves to stand behind me with his hand on my shoulder. “Just because others don’t get to, Tony shouldn’t use this opportunity to make things right?”

“That’s not the point, Rhodes.”

“Right now, it is, Romanoff.”

“Well it isn’t the only point.” Rhodey starts nudging me forward, walking me past the others to get inside the house. “The other points can be dealt with later. We should just be happy Pepper is back and Tony figured out how to do it at all. Come on.” I do not resist the urge to look at the others and silently laugh and point at them like a kid being protected from his siblings by his mother. It probably doesn’t score me any popularity points, but it does score hilarious points.

“Thanks, Rhodey-” The door closes behind us.

“Shut up, dude, I’m not happy with you, either. I just don’t like them dog piling you like that, it’s my job to tell you off.”

“Well, that’s more Pepper’s job, but-”

“Tony, just hear me out for a second, okay? I’m glad Pepper is back, I’m not mad that you brought her back. I’m just worried, man. What if what came back hadn’t been Pepper? What if something evil came back and pretended to be Pepper, then killed you? We’d have no idea what was going on or how to handle it. Bruce and I could barely handle it when you were in a cocoon. That’s why I’m not happy with you, because you’re messing with weird shit and you never take into account the fact that something bad can happen.”

“No, I know things could’ve gone wrong.”

“You don’t act like it.”

“Come on, I just spent days out of the house getting it demon cleansed. That’s preventative.”

“You should’ve done that first.”

“But what if the priests made Pepper’s spirit go away?”

“Really.”

“...Sure. Come on, Rhodes, it’s okay! Everything turned out fine, like I knew it would. You want me to report to the team every time I create something new or discover something? Hey, I’m really putting in the hours with Extremis. I’m hoping I can use it to give you back full use of your legs. You know I used to help out in medical studies for war aid. Just because medical wasn’t what I was in love with, I was still good at it.”

“I’m just saying, I don’t want you dead. I know you think we are, but none of us are better off without you. We need you. Some of us even _want_ you around.” We stare at each other for a few seconds. I can’t hold his gaze any longer than that, it’s too painful. I never know how to respond when Pepper, Rhodey, or Happy say that kind of thing to me. The feeling is foreign and weird, and I feel like I’ve somehow conned them into caring about me. Pepper comes in and I quickly turn my focus to her.

“Hey, I was getting worried you were going to run off with Thor. Remember to cross yourself on the way in with all of your dirty thoughts.”

“You’re such a child.”

“Well, the jury out there seems to find me guilty as charged. I was thinking we could throw a party, help them realize how exciting this is and properly welcome you back. We should have a huge party, bigger than my birthday parties. A lot of fun, live music-”

“No.”

“-just a nice, elegant evening. Something lowkey, with a lot of wine and cheese boards. Us, the other Avengers, anyone else you want. We don’t have a lot of other friends, now that I think about it.”

“Alright.” So it’s settled. “Jim, did you want to stay for dinner?”

“I can’t, I have an emergency meeting about you two.”

“Aw, what? Skip the meeting, eat with us. Pepper was just dead, man.”

“Yeah, and thanks to you, I’ll have plenty of time to eat dinner with the family regardless of if she dies again.”

“Jim, don’t give him ideas like that, he’ll start using it as an excuse for when I have to get him to a meeting.”

“I’ll see you two later.” I turn to face Pepper while Rhodey leaves, walking over and sliding my arms around her waist. I don’t even want to really relax and eat dinner so much as I just want to hold her as I fall asleep. A very early bedtime, but one well deserved. Maybe sex first.

"What do you want for dinner?"

"You." I kiss the skin revealed on her shoulders, the dress leaving them bare. She doesn't respond but she doesn't tell me to back off, either. I smooth my hands down the front of her dress, fingers skirting the hem at the bottom.

"We should eat something.”

“We can eat after.” I slide my fingers under the skirt, she presses her hips back against me gently.

“You didn’t behave in the car.” I push her skirt further up, “You’re not behaving now.” and I rake my nails over her thighs.

“Yeah?” I whisper in Pepper’s ear, my breath hot against her skin. “What are you gonna do about it?” Pepper turns to face me, our faces millimeters apart. She sets her fingertips on my chest and backs me up until I hit the island. I wet my lips as her hand trails lower, our eyes focused on one another’s when she tugs my belt off, a sly smile on her face.

“We can start with this” She ties my arms behind my back before pushing my shoulder to get me on my knees. I almost drool while she takes off her underwear, still keeping her stockings and heels on. I sit back on my heels, fidgeting and looking up at her expectantly. I knit my eyebrows when, instead of standing over me, she stuffs her panties in my mouth. I groan in complaint as she turns away from me and walks back over to the counters. “You’re going to sit there and wait while I have dinner.” I groan louder.

I don’t know what Pepper is making, but she takes her sweet time with it. I don’t move while I watch her cook, or when I watch her eat. She scrolls on her phone and I consider browsing the web via my mind to pass the time, but it feels like cheating the system. “You can do the dishes later.” I try to say ‘Dum-e’ will do them but, well. Mouth full and all. She puts her dishes in the sink and then comes over to me, cupping my jaw and angling my head up. “Let’s go to bed.” She starts walking without me.

I cannot, for the life of me, stand up without help from the armor. My legs have gone completely numb, and Pepper glances back at me as she hears me knock into the island while I stumble. “Well, you aren’t going to be able to fuck me like that.” It takes me a hot minute to catch up with her, having to put a lot more focus than I want to into using the armor to hold my body weight with my tingly legs. Once I make it to the bedroom, I spit out the underwear and kneel in front of where Pepper is sitting on the bed.

“Let me."

“Let you what?”

“Let me make it up to you.”

“I don’t know, I’m kind of tired.”

“Please.” Pepper sighs a little, combing her fingers through my hair. “ _Please._ ” I throw in a little more desperation in my voice, looking up at her and leaning into the space between her legs. “I’ll be good, come on. You deserve it, it’s been a long day, it’ll help you relax. Let me eat you out.”

"I can peg you after?"


	8. Chapter 8

"Obviously." Pepper gently guides my head forward, shifting her hips to give me a better angle. I don't waste any time, and start out slow but heavy. Long strokes with my tongue, pulling on her lips lightly with my teeth, a well timed suck on her clit that makes her thighs clench around my head while her hips jerk forward. After a couple minutes like that, she unties my hands and I go up to kiss her.

"Can we leave the thigh highs and garter belt on?" I talk between making out and starting to get us both undressed. I'm impatient with the buttons of Pepper's shirt and it takes a lot of self control to not just rip it open. "You look sexy as hell."

"No, you'll ruin them."

"I'll buy you new ones if I do."

"You'll survive." Well, I guess. Eventually maneuvering out of my own clothes after getting hers off, I grab her hips and grind hard against her, growling against her neck. Fuck, that feels good. She’s so wet and warm and soft- “Hey, I’m in charge tonight.” Pepper says that but still moves against me, resting her hands on my shoulders.

“Just warming up.” I prop myself up more on one arm and get the opposite hand between us. Moving down some, I get my fingers to work loosening her up while rubbing my palm against her clit, busying my mouth with her nipples. Pepper’s hands run down my arms, up my back, into my hair. Her hips twitch upward against my touch, and I use Extremis to activate armor around my wrist to speed things up when she gets louder. When her legs hike up, heels dig into the back of my thighs, and one hand pulls on my hair tight enough to pull some out while the other hand’s nails claw into my back, I bite and suck on one nipple while the armor on my wrist speeds my hand up to a speed that would put a good vibrator to shame.

“Tony- Fuck!” Her back jumps against the mattress and her voice cracks in a way that is usually reserved for complaining when I ask her to do something outrageous.

“Come on, baby. Come on, cum for me. Cum on my fingers.” I bring my mouth up to her jaw, leaving marks on the soft parts of her throat. I slow things down once she finishes, easing her back gently from a very loud orgasm. “Was that okay? You liked it?”

“Wh… what was that?”

“My armor.”

“Wh… what? Your armor?” She’s out of breath, glistening, trembling, dazed… she’s gorgeous. I show her how my armor forms around my wrist and disappears back into my skin, she groans a little and rolls her head. “Your… never mind. Roll over, let me up.” I move off of her, laying on my back next to her while Pepper catches her breath for a couple seconds before sitting up. I start to sit up with her but she puts her hand on my chest to stop me. She stands up, shakily, and motions for me to lay down on the bed properly.

“Are we-” She grabs the lube and sits between my legs before guiding my hand to my dick.

“Start slow.” So I do. Pepper opens me up slowly and deliberately, telling me every now and then to speed up or slow down with my hand. “Use your armor like you did for me.” This starts out pleasant and fun, but while Pepper regains her stamina, I start to lose mine. Getting scolded every now and then for squirming around, I start to hate it when she tells me to stroke my dick faster. After almost a full forty-five minutes of torment, I’m more of a mess than she was when I was fingering her.

“Pep.” I look down at her, gasping sharply when she presses her fingers against my prostate. “Pepper.”

“Faster.” She’s in charge, so I obey. I can’t catch myself from whining while my hips jerk desperately. Five seconds later, I’m slowed down. “You’re doing really well. Maybe I’ll let you cum tonight.”

“May- _ maybe? _ What?”

“You’re making it up to me, remember?” I watch her put the vibrator in, and I genuinely don’t really mean to, but I use Extremis to turn it on when she’s still fastening the straps on her hips. Pepper gasps and stumbles a little, catching herself on the wall before narrowing her eyes at me once I turn it off. “What was that?!”

“An accident, I swear to god. I don’t know how it happened.”

“Uh-huh.” She gets onto the bed with me, framing her hips with my legs. “It’s almost like you don’t want to come, honey.” I give a nervous laugh as she enters me, rolling my hips down to meet her halfway. Pepper does not ease into it, which is something I’m extremely grateful for considering she spent so long milking my fucking prostate. We kiss while she fucks me, her hand cradling my face while I hold the back of her neck. 

It's not like getting fucked by Steve, it's better. It's better because it's Pepper. She knows the perfect angle, the best way to tease me, how I love when she runs her nails over my belt line and sucks on my tongue when we kiss. Pepper knows just how to take control, and to make me want to perform for her. I love how she pushes me right to the edge, the feeling of her slim hips hitting me, her soft breasts against me, her gorgeous red hair, red lips, her legs, hips, jaw, collarbone, hands-

"Pep-" I break from our kiss but not the rhythm. "I love you." My eyes roll back briefly and I moan when she sucks on my throat. I bite my lip and take my hand from her nape to between her legs, her hips stutter and I can't help but smirk a little. Pepper pauses and grabs my arm, putting and it above my head.

"Stay."

"Come on, let me help you feel good."

"I'll tell you when." She grabs the remote for the vibrator and turns it on low, having me slow my hand down while we gradually pick back up on speed. I shudder when she sits up more and drags her nails over my nipples, her body absolutely mouthwateringly sexy and the way she runs her teeth over her bottom lip makes me feel dehydrated.

"Pepper, please." Pepper's hand runs back up my chest. She turns the vibrator on high and presses it against my prostate just so. I bite my lip, hips twisting as I dig my heels into the bed. Fuck, that feels good.

"Go fast, but don't you dare cum until I say so." I start seeing stars, but I don't cum and I don't move my arm from when she told me to stay earlier. Pepper always tells me it's hotter to see me restrain myself than to physically restrain me, and I can see her watching my muscles tense and how I twitch and flex my fingers in effort to keep still.

"Pepper,  _ please _ . Oh,  _ fuck,  _ please. Please, please, please."

"Not yet." She really, really knows how to do it. Pepper has me shaking and gasping when she thrusts against my prostate, eyes almost watering as I hold out, not allowed to stop my brutal stroking or finish until she says so. When I do finally get the ok to cum, I'm almost positive I black out for a few seconds. My entire body shivers, and I might be drooling, while blissed out 'thank you's tumble out from my lips.

I feel Pepper pull away for a second and I weakly reach toward her, wanting to maintain physical contact. She holds my hand while maneuvering out of the strap on, before coming back over to clean me up with some tissue. "Pepper… oh my god."

"Oh, shut up." She laughs, clearly feeling shy after her power display.

"Seriously. I passed out for a second, you literally fucked me blind for a minute there. That was out of this world- I would know, I've been out of this world." Pepper scoffs and throws out the tissues. I gently pull her back in, having never let go of her hand. "Want me to finish you off?"

"No, that's okay. The one just before was… plenty. Next time you decide to bring the suit into sex, warn me."

"I'm sorry… not a fan?"

"No, it was fabulous, I just wasn't mentally prepared to see your armor grow out of you like that in this context." We maneuver under the covers and Pepper cradles my head close to her's, we watch each other's eyes while her fingers brush through my hair and my hand runs down her side. "I miss your brown eyes."

"I can probably change the color somehow."

"No, it's not the same." She sounds a little wistful. "Nothing is."

"I love you, and I presume you still love me. That hasn't changed, right?"

"But am I really me? How do I know I'm not just a really amazing AI?"

"I wouldn't have been able to recreate all of your memories, thoughts, feelings. Not the ones that I wasn’t involved in."

"How do I know everything that doesn't involve you isn't fake? How do I know it's not all made up?"

"That would require a lot of people playing along with my bullshit, you and I both know that wouldn't work."

"That's true. Even when you’re right, which is rare, no one ever plays along. Not that I blame them.”

“I’m right more often than not.”

“Mm, well.”

“Don’t say it.”

“I mean, your heart is always in the right place. But, as far as being right-”

“I mean it.”

“Maybe twelve-percent of the time.”

“Ugh- you know, if I could manipulate your memories like you’re suggesting, I would’ve removed that entirely.” Pepper laughs and I pull back a little to properly look at her. “I’m serious. I would’ve gotten rid of everything you could ever hold over me. The- the- the strawberries, our first dance, the big bunny, twelve-percent, the mansion exploding.”

“Yes. Yes, I see your point, I get it.”

“I would just have you think that I’m just, you know, the perfect boyfriend. I’m sure it wouldn’t last long, but it would be a sweet month.”

“A month? That’s generous.”

“Come on.”

“Tony, we just spent how many days in a bunker because we had to get the house cleansed of demons?”

“Wh- I- You wanted the demon cleaning!”

“You brought the demons!”

“I didn’t  _ bring  _ the demons, they came after me!”

“That’s my point, Tony, the demons come after you. They’ve always come after you, it’s not your fault all the time. Sometimes, but not all the time. You owning that armor keeps you from being the perfect boyfriend.”

“The demons this time weren’t even because of the Iron Man, it was because I stopped making guns and started revolutionizing energy usage. ...You know, Pep, I won’t blame you if you leave. We’ve clearly established I’m nothing but trouble.”

“Alright, drama king, take it down a notch. You were nothing but trouble the day I met you, if it didn’t put me off then, it won’t now.”

“Are you sure? Because, seriously, I totally get it. I’d leave me.”

“Tony.”

“Seriously. No one loves me like I love me, and I wouldn’t want to deal with me, I can’t expect another person to.”

“Tony, you don’t love you.” I pause, watching her expression. “You might be… arrogant, an exhibitionist, egotistical, and vain... but you don’t love you.” That doesn’t feel good to hear. I wet my lips and look away, starting to pull away, but she keeps me there. “But other people love you, Tony. Me, especially. Just because you don’t love yourself, doesn’t mean other people don’t or are looking for a reason to abandon you. Lord knows I put up with a lot of shit because of you over the years, and I do that because I care about you.”

“...Got everyone fooled but myself, right?” I scoff, smirking a little in my self loathing.

“No, the only person you have fooled is yourself, Mr Potts.” I feel like crying, but I don’t. I close my eyes and lean into her, pressing my face against her neck and pulling her into me. I don’t deserve it, I really don’t. I definitely, absolutely don’t deserve Pepper, or her kind words. Especially since I got her killed. She shouldn’t trust me as much as she does, either. I didn’t, but I probably could’ve made her a subservient AI instead of bringing her back fully like I did. I wouldn’t want to, it wouldn’t be Pepper, but I could’ve. As an AI, how do you know what you’re feeling is real? If everything isn’t just programmed into you? How can you tell what is organic and what is scripted? All I can do is tell her I didn’t modify her like that, and she has to just take my word for it. It’s the truth, she should believe me, but somehow I just… I feel like I’m going to disappoint her. Somehow, someway.

I’m not used to love and affection, I don’t know how to react to it. Acceptance, understanding... “I love you, Mrs Stark, you know that? You are just… mind-bogglingly smart, it’s crazy. Genius recognizes genius, you know, and I see it in you. Rhodey and Happy are great, they’re my best friends, but you? Oh my god, just blew them out of the water. I should have you arrested for murder, they’re dead.”

“Oh, stop it.”

“No, I mean it. I’ll have to go revive them, too.” Pepper laughs, pushing me off of her and sitting up.

“You should eat real dinner.”

“Yeah, as much as I like it, your pussy isn’t super filling.”

“Come on, I’ll make you something.”

“No, you don’t have to do that, I’ll put something together.”

“Are you sure?” I reassure her and climb out of bed, grabbing my robe on the way out to the kitchen. I grab some leftovers and don’t bother heating it up, standing at the island looking at holo screens while I eat. I have Jarvis scan me, make sure everything is still normal. Same with the rats, Pepper, the house, the bunker, the tower. I look for any new information on Madeline and there’s no real changes, nothing for any of the avengers, Peter looks fine… Everything seems alright for now, but I can feel something. It’s in the back of my mind, or sitting on my shoulders. Something’s wrong, but I can’t quite find it.

“J, what do you think?”

“There is no proof of anything being out of order, sir.”

“Can’t blame me for being paranoid. I never did hit the acceptance stage of grief.” Finishing my food, I head back to the bedroom. The house powers down halfway back. "Pepper?!" I sprint the rest of the way to the bedroom, that high pitched sound ringing in my ears.

"Tony? Did the power go out?" I find her sitting on the bed, the blanket pulled up around her. Okay, she's okay. "What's going on?"

"Don't know. Power is out, I gotta modify my Extremis it relies too much on-" The power comes back on, the sound fades. "Get some clothes on just in case, I'm going to look around. Maybe reconsider the Rescue." The under suit forms from beneath my skin and the armor forms around me.

"Tony, wait-"

"Get dressed, wait outside."

"Do you think the house will explode?"

"Hope not. No matter what, don't come back inside until I tell you." Getting Pepper dressed and outside, I scope out the mansion and check the power reserves while I'm at it. I can't find any sign of a demon or Madeline, but… the rats are all dead again. That's... not a good sign. "Jarvis, I thought you said the rats were fine."

"It appears they suffered catastrophic organ failure moments ago. There is no clear cause or previous symptoms." Catastrophic, huh?

"Like someone hit the off switch. Yeah, that's not gonna work for me. You're absolutely certain there were no signs? Just the power outage, then they're dead. What about externally? Could something have come in and killed them?" No evidence of it and no warning with the power outage. "What, did the demon kill them?" 

"I am unable to detect paranormal activity." I don't want to, but I'm going to have to find someone who uses ghost hunting equipment and modify Jarvis, I guess! Fuck! Alright, it's fine. I'll handle it, I'll figure it out. First, gotta do something with the rats. The last thing I want is for Pepper to see them and panic.

I gather them into a preservation box and hide it in one of the cars, put a blanket over the cage, and go back out to get Pepper. I lie and say something I had on blew a fuse, she looks incredulous but relents when I ask her if she wants to see what I'm working on. When she asks about the blanket, I pass it off as the rats were being loud and the blanket calms them down. We lay down together and I let her be the big spoon tonight, lacing our fingers together with her arm draped over my waist.

Pepper sleeps, I don't. Not really, anyway. Every couple hours I doze off, but I jerk back awake. There's nothing there, I check the cameras in my head to be sure, but I feel something watching me. I stare back at the dark nothing and I feel like it's swallowing me up, and like it will kill me if I look away.

Morning comes all too slowly, and I feel completely drained. I get up before Pepper does, leave a note explaining I'm in the basement working and leaving her a cup of coffee while I drink the entire rest of the pot. I take the rats to the bomb office, and make it back ten minutes before her alarm goes off and she comes downstairs.

"Morning, sunshine."

"You're up early. Did you sleep at all?"

"Yeah, in and out. Come here, let me look at you." I have Pepper sit across from the desk and I circle it to meet her. Draw some blood, do a physical, look over diagnostics. "You are looking perfect, Miss Potts. I'd also like to add that it appears your strawberry allergy is gone."

"What? Really? Are you sure?"

"Yes, ma'am, I am. In fact, I'm so confident that I think Jarvis should have some strawberries shipped to us."

"Right away, sir."

"What if I don't like them?"

"Don't worry about it, everyone loves strawberries." We wait a while for the delivery, and I excitedly present Pepper with her very first strawberry in over three decades. I watch in suspense as she takes a bite, chews it over, and then scrunches up her face.

"Mm, no."

"No?"

"No."

"No?! What? How could you not like strawberries?"

"I don't like it! I don't know what to tell you, I don't know what the fuss is about."

"That's insane. Everybody loves strawberries. Strawberry ice cream, strawberry shortcake, strawberry milk, uh… straw-strawberry jello." I laugh, pulling her into my lap.

"I'm sorry, I just don't see what the big deal is! All my life I'm hearing about how great strawberries are, but they're not very good."

"I'm sorry, honey, but you're going to have to like them. Jarvis went crazy, he got so many."

"I told you not to buy them."

"Me? It was Jarvis."

"I know you controlled him with your mind." This… is true, technically.

"No, I didn't!"

"Uh-huh, sure. Well, enjoy your strawberries. I'm going to get my morning workout in and then see what work I can do from the house."

"Why don't you stay down here with me?"

"Neither of us would get work done like that."

"Can't control yourself?" Pepper slips off my lap, her hand sliding against mine until we couldn't reach anymore. Her touch lingers on my skin and she smirks while turning away from me. Something about her is absolutely radiant in this moment.

"Sure, that's it." I watch her leave and I miss her as soon as she's up the stairs. I run my fingers over where her's traced my arm. If I can't figure out what killed the rats, I'll lose her again, too... I can’t let that happen.

"Jarvis, bring up all of the Extremis information and follow the security feed Pepper is in. I don't want her out of my sight until I know she's safe." Putting my headset on, I remotely access a couple suits to fly some equipment over to work on the rats while I simultaneously work from home. Once everything is at the bomb office and I have a mock examination room, I go down to just one suit.

I start dissecting the rat through the armor, while my physical body plugs into the mainframe to access the files more efficiently. I look through all of the Extremis files again, go through DNA binding again, run trials again. I look at mine, too. I need more than a wifi connection to activate my suit fully. The under suit being in my bones is nice and all, but it's not cutting it. I need something that will function even in a zone that loses all electricity suddenly, even things running on batteries instead of an outlet or through a signal.

Biological science is definitely not my favorite, but I make the effort to look at the most recent developments in that world. Some new alien discoveries are interesting in particular. Symbiotes… the violent nature definitely isn't ideal, but I… hmm. I wonder if I could synthesize something similar. The aliens themselves are sentient, but if I could get just some sort of sample I could probably figure out a way to form a neurological link with a synthetic copy. Give me something almost alive.

Dissecting the rats, I don't find anything to tell me what killed them. What's not great is that the one rat without Extremis is dead and identical to the others. It just dropped dead with the others. Ugh… that feels like demons, not an issue with Extremis. At the very least, I don't have to worry about Extremis suddenly shutting down and Pepper dropping dead from it. Not loving a ghost killing the rats, though. What was the point of having our house blessed if it was going to keep… happening…

"That's… not ideal." It isn't the house, it's me. That's why I felt so sick observing exorcisms, why I felt so uneasy in the church, blacking out, mood swings, hallucinations, nightmares. Now I have to ghost proof all of my stuff  _ and  _ get exorcised, just perfect. "Jarvis, we sent out that package for Peter, right?"

"Yes, sir. The suit has been activated and is currently in use."

"Put me through." It doesn't even get a full ring until Peter answers. "Hey, kid, how are you? How are you enjoying the suit?"

"Mr Stark, thank you so much. It's perfect, sir, than- I'm sorry, give me one second." I hear some muffled yelling in the distance. "Come on guys, I'm trying to talk to someone."

"Did I catch you at a bad time?"

"No! No, no, no, no. I'm just- some guys were bothering this girl and I just wrapped them up."

"The girl okay?"

"Yeah, she gave me her number, but-"

"That happens. So here's the thing, I want you at the mansion over the weekend. Do some training, look at some tech, talk shop. Sound good?"

"What?! Yes! Yes, sir, I'll- I'll be there. Um, what time?"

"I'll get back to you on that. Talk soon." Hanging up, I finish up with the rats and schedule a trip to get exorcised. Call Happy and get him over to the mansion, head out to buy ghost hunting equipment to build off of for the house. Unfortunately, it is incredibly difficult to tell what exactly works correctly. I guess if it were easy then it wouldn't be controversial… It takes an entire day, but I get Jarvis updated with new ghost tech but… it doesn't really help me. Doesn't help that a lot of it reacts to electricity and similar energies, and my entire mansion is outfitted with technology. I also can't tell if certain things are responding to the demon attached to me or Extremis.

I spend the next two days working solely on my version of Extremis and the armor. Pepper sinks her hands into the business again, and I manage to convince Bruce to come help me after I have it leaked that he's the main doctor helping me.

"Come on, Banner, make an honest man out of me." Bruce is excellent company, and not just because he understands my exhausted scientific word vomit without me having to break it down into simpler terms. Despite his hesitations, he's a quick study and helps me strengthen the neural links, even bringing information about symbiotes with him.

"Why do you want living armor, anyway?"

"The current pain in my neck can create dead zones. My tech is useless because of it, but if I can make it move without the electronic component then I can at least have something. I still won't be able to use some of the weaponry, but it'll be better than nothing."

"Aren't you worried about creating another Ultron?"

"The goal is to make it more like a psychic link, not its own intelligence. Why, are you?"

"Kind of, yeah."

"Then why are you here?"

"You brought Pepper back to life, I can't pretend I'm not interested in the science. I'm used to you inventing a gadget to solve everything, but Pepper is entirely flesh and bone. She's not an artificial intelligence, either, and she was dead for a long time. You used the cradle and Extremis, right?"

"Right. It took a while to regrow her, and then a while for Extremis to activate. I'll send some of the files to the tower so you can read it in your spare time. I'll send you the video footage, too."

"What's the plan, now?"

"Tying up loose ends, after that it's back to work. Extremis is going to keep me busy, probably. Raising the dead got me a lot of attention." We work quietly for quite a few hours, take a nap, back to work. We spend two days like that, until we get things responding without an electrical energy source. Combining the symbiote building blocks with my liquid armor works out perfectly, even the weapons. Hopefully this will help with any ghost fighting I have to deal with. Send Bruce home, get times set up with Peter, double check with Happy, call Rhodey to get him to come with me for the exorcism just in case it kills me or something. Now… one last call.

“This is Captain America.”

“You answer the phone like that?”

“What’s going on, Tony?”

“Tomorrow, I’m having a new trainee over. I want you to show him the ropes like you did with me. Well, he’s a kid, so maybe don’t hit him as hard.”

“A kid? How old is he?”

“F..fourteen?”

“Tony, our work is dangerous. Why are you recruiting a teenager?”

“He’s good. He’s smart, invented his own web goo. I’m not even sure how without sampling it. Anyway, he’s already fighting bad guys like the rest of us.”

“Thugs aren’t the same as aliens.”

“Well, right, that’s why I want you to train him.”

“...Fine.”

“Thank you, dear. Make sure you show up early, I’m going to Rome tomorrow.”

“Why?”

“Nothing, just a little soul cleansing. Going to shake the demons off me, nothing much.”

“Are you going to be okay?”

“What are you, Pepper? It’s fine, Rhodey is going with me.”

“Just be careful.”

“Yes, darling. See you tomorrow.” Hanging up, I leave the lab and head upstairs. “Pepper, I’m going to shower. What do you want for dinner?”

“I don’t know. Something with chicken.” 

“Tacos?”

“Sure. Do you wanna do Korean chicken tacos? I’ll make it in the pressure cooker.”

“Sounds great, gorgeous.” I lean over to her and go to kiss her cheek but I’m pushed away. “Come on, I haven’t had a kiss in days.”

“We’ve survived this long, you can get all of the kisses you want once you’re clean.”

“That a promise? I’m gonna want a lot of kisses. It might be too much for you.”

“I’m sure I can handle it.” She smacks me on the ass and I sneak a kiss on her cheek. I head into the bathroom and strip down, accessing music through Extermis to enjoy my shower. The warm water feels incredible, and I try to relax. I close my eyes and try to let myself drift, the constant stream of information I’ve had going making the back of my eyes ache. Just a nice, hot shower with some classic rock in my head.

I must zone out enough that I don’t notice the door open, but I feel Pepper’s breath against the back of my neck before her hands start to massage my shoulders. I hum in approval, happy for the company. It’s always easier to clear my head and relax with her here. Her mouth presses against the back of my ear and her voice whispers “Don’t go.”

There's a knock at the door. "Tony?" 

"Pep-" I open my eyes and looked confusedly over my shoulder.

"Are you okay in there?" There's no one behind me. "It's been almost two hours." Did I black out again? At least I didn't fall and crack my head open, I guess. I flinch when I absentmindedly touch my shoulder.

"I'm coming, sorry." I grab a towel and step out of the shower, checking my shoulder muscles in the mirror. There's deep purple bruises in the shape of hands. You'd think I broke something they're so dark… "Not happy I'm going to see a priest?" Mumbling to myself, assuming the demon can hear me, I wrap up in my robe.

"I waited to eat. What took so long?”

“I was just lost in thought for a while. Don’t worry, I didn’t get off without you.”

“Well that’s reassuring.” We sit down to eat, and I try to figure out how exactly I’m supposed to change into pajamas without her noticing the bruises on my shoulders. I wanted to have sex tonight before I go to the church tomorrow, but I guess that isn’t happening. I ask Pepper about work, mostly just wanting to listen to her talk. Then she lets me talk about what I’m working on, because she knows I want to listen to me talk.

“Isn’t having living armor dangerous? What if it turns on you?”

“It won’t, it’s not free thinking. Just responds to me and my commands mentally, so I can use it without electricity or wifi.”

“That still sounds dangerous. Last time we heard about symbiotes was that one reporter, Eddie Brock. The last thing we need is for a weird alien to take over your body and start eating people.”

“I promise I won’t eat you. Well, not any more than usual.” I laugh while she closes her eyes, knowing full well that she walked straight into that. “Seriously, it’s fine. Even if I was using an intelligent symbiote, Brock is a perfect example of how the human would be able to still retain control. Really, it’s part of me, so I control it. Perfectly safe.” I finish eating before Pepper does, making the move to get changed before she can join me in the bedroom.

“I’m surprised you’ve opted to put clothes on. Usually when you’re naked this late, you just stay that way.”

“Yeah, well… I gotta get some sleep, I’m going to the vatican tomorrow. I didn’t want to tempt you with my body.” Pepper laughs, running her hands over my chest and moving to kiss me. I wrap my arms around her waist, and I try not to flinch in pain when her hands go to my shoulders. “Now you’re tempting me with your body.” I murmur against her neck, pressing soft kisses against it.

“All I did was kiss you!”

“You know that’s all it takes.” She laughs and I pull away to see her face again. I run a hand through her hair, sighing a little as I admire her. “I’m just glad you’re home, safe.” Pepper’s hands cradle my face and she leans our foreheads together. “Do you want to come with me tomorrow? I can ask the pope to officiate the wedding and we can get married right there.”

“Tony-”

“I’m serious. If he won’t, then that place is crawling with other people who can. Last resort, we stop at Vegas.”

“Tony, we’re not just getting spontaneously married. I have to work, I can’t just go off to-”

“Sure you can.”

“-the Vatican to get married.”

“Why not? You’re the boss, you can do whatever you want.”

“No, I can’t.” She pulls away and I follow her into bed.

“Happy, Peter, and Steve are all coming over tomorrow. I think it would be a good idea for Peter to see what a professional like yourself does, and then Steve will give him some combat training while Happy keeps you company.”

“Why are you going to the Vatican anyway?”

“Demon stuff. Loose ends.”

“Is someone going with you?”

“Rhodey.”

“Good.” I wrap my arms around her, closing my eyes and kissing her head. “How long will you be gone?”

“Hopefully just a day, in and out. Maybe two. You haven’t been having any weird issues, right? Any demon-y stuff, things that aren’t quite right since you came back, unexplained power outages, nightmares, nausea, black outs, bruising?” Thankfully not.

“Why? Are you… experiencing those things? I know the power went out, but-”

“No, just making sure. There’s not really anything for me to go off of that’s an actually trustworthy source. Ghosts and demons are mostly bullshit, and then the best thing I got for bringing people back to life is, like, Pet Sematary.” Pepper turns in my arms, adjusting so her back is facing me and I can hold her from behind. I kiss the spot where her shoulder muscle and neck meet, snuggling nice and close.

“Alright, well, I’ll let you know if anything weird starts happening.”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you, too. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” When I fall asleep, I dream that I’m drowning. Every now and then I manage to make it to the surface and gasp for air, only for something to drag me back under. I can’t seem to call the armor, I can’t see anything but darkness. I can hear Pepper calling me somewhere in the distance, but I can’t find her.

I wake up more tired than I had been when I went to sleep. I slip out of bed without waking up Pepper, leaving her a little note on the table saying I’m in Italy and Jarvis will have breakfast delivered when she’s ready. I convince Rhodey to take the war machine armor so we can just fly in our suits rather than waste time getting a plane together. Besides, if there’s an emergency, it's easier to leave in the suits. It’s mid afternoon in Italy when we get there, and I waste no time getting to the appointment with the priest.

“Hello, brothers.”

“Hi, I’m Tony, that’s James. I’m here to get exorcised.”

“Oh, we know who you are, Mr Stark. Unfortunately, it seems to have gotten around the church that you’ll be visiting. We’ll have to change locations to avoid interference from outside sources.” I wave at the nuns crowding behind a pillar, Rhodey elbows me and gives me a look I can only assume means ‘don’t flirt with the nuns’. Following the priest to a car, Rhodes and I get in the back while his holiness goes to the front. It has a privacy window, which I hope is not usually reserved for… certain things priests have been known to do.

“Gotta say, Rhodes, I’m not a big fan of the church.”

“You’re the one that got mixed up with demons.”

“Yeah, let’s just hope this doesn’t take too long.” I’m anxious. I wish I had turned down the car and just gone in the suit, but then I would’ve just been waiting ahead of everyone. I bounce my foot impatiently, checking the footage from home every few minutes.

“Tony, you’re sweating like crazy. Are you alright?”

“Hm? Huh? Yeah. ...Yeah, I’m just having demon jitters, or something. I’m in a holy vehicle, whatever is stuck to me doesn’t like it.” Hopefully that’s it and I’m not having a heart attack or something. We get to a more secluded little church, another car with more holy people I assume followed us. I’m asked some questions about the possession, show them the bruises on my shoulders. First I have to get baptized, a bunch of prayers, rosaries. I get tied down to a bed, which I don’t even remotely enjoy as much as I normally do. I’m told to repent for my sins and confess my love of God. I turn off Rhodey’s recording devices when I catch him recording me pleading God to purify me.

I mostly feel nauseous and sweaty with a killer headache. There’s a lot of Italian prayer, flicking water at me, pressing crosses on me. I have to stop trying to access anything with Extremis because they keep thinking my eyes must be glowing from the demons, and Rhodey makes some snide remark about the lack of bodies floating in midair. But, frankly, he’s right. I’m not feeling much past a mild discomfort, and I watched some painful looking exorcisms while I was researching this. After three straight hours of this, my head hurts a lot less and so do the bruises.

“So, what, that’s it?” The clerics all chat among themselves in quiet Italian, and I catch one of them say something interesting. “Hey, what do you mean ‘it’s not him’? What’s not me?” There’s a sigh, and they turn to face me while I get myself a little more straightened out.

“The bruises, Mr Stark, are evidence of an extremely strong demonic possession.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m here for.”

“Yes, but you don’t seem to have an attachment.”

“What are you talking about? What was all of this, then?”

“A cleansing. You have demonic… residue. Symptoms from being around evil spirits, but no attachment itself.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Perhaps it’s your house? Something in it?”

“No, I got that-” Oh... oh, no. “Rhodey, we have to go. What do you have for fighting demons?”

“I would sugg-”

“No, there’s no  _ time  _ for suggestions. Give me holy water, I’ll figure it out. I’ll pay you extra, I have to go. Rhodes, tail me, two minutes. Give him some stuff, too. Here, bless- uh, bless something. Bless his armor, bless mine. Bless him, too. Be quick about it.” Come on, come on, come on. I blast off as soon as it’s done, connecting to the feed back home. “Jarvis, give me anyone at the house.”

“It appears all devices are disconnected.” No, no, no, no. Fuck, fuck. Fuck, it’s Pepper. “Rhodes-”

“Tony, what’s going on?”

“It’s Pepper, she’s possessed, not me. The house, all of our stuff, me- it’s all been cleansed. Pepper is the only one who hasn’t. It must have latched onto her at some point. She and everyone could be in danger, but the power is out at the house. I’m going ahead, you’re not as fast as me. Don’t come to the mansion in your armor, it won’t work. I’ll call you when it’s safe, bring someone holy for another exorcism.”

“What? I’m coming with you.”

“Are you listening to me? Your legs won’t work, you’ll be a paperweight. I need you to stay away from the mansion. I’m going to have someone come meet you, got it? Go to the tower, I’ll send you backup.” I don’t leave room for arguments and throw everything I have into the boosters. I move at an ungodly speed, feeling especially grateful I upgraded my armor to reach mach 8. I’m back at the mansion in just over a half hour, and I make my way inside while I quickly lose communication abilities and other electronic or wifi necessary features of my suit. Luckily, the symbiote DNA modifications still allow me to work the armor for the most part.

“Pepper?” I enter the mansion, and it’s quiet. It’s the middle of the day, the sun is out, and the mansion is absolutely freezing. “Happy?” I clutch a cross in one hand, “Peter?” and for all the good it’s done so far, “Steve?”

I pray.


	9. Chapter 9

In the living room, I find Pepper stretched out on the couch. “Honey?” She cranes her neck slightly over the arm to see me. Everything looks okay, aside from the power, the cold, and missing house guests. “Where’s everyone?” She adjusts, leaning on her forearms with her knees propping her up. She’s in… a really, really sexy black dress. Low neckline, long sleeves, long skirt with a slit up the side. I lick my lips subconsciously. I remember when I bought her that dress. Natasha helped pick it out to make sure I got something stylish and sophisticated but just… a little slutty.

“Oh, I sent them out. I’m taking a break from work, wanted some alone time. How was Rome?” I walk to where she is, tracing my fingers under her jawline until she’s kneeling upright. I drink in her long neck, starting to feel a little lightheaded and thirsty. “Are you okay?” I feel drawn in, absolutely captivated. The armor moves away from where her hand trails up my neck, pulling me down a little. “Miss me?” It’s Pepper, she’s gorgeous, and I want her. I need her.

I’m breathless when she kisses me, nearly crawling over the couch arm just to get a taste. I drop the cross and the (thankfully plastic) bottle of holy water, my suit retracts off of me, Pepper lays back on the couch and I follow her the whole way. The room is frigid, but she’s so warm she almost burns my skin. I pant against her neck, leaving starved kisses down to her collarbones. Her fingers run through my hair as she lets out a pleased hum.

“You’re so spoiled.” It’s not exactly praise but something about her tone makes me even hungrier. I’m about five seconds away from ripping her dress off and ravishing her on the couch when there’s a loud thud in the basement. I start to look up when her hand pulls me back down. “Ignore it.”

“But-”

“What, am I not enough?”

“What? Yes. You-” A louder crash. I start to stand up now, Pepper catching my arm. The armor starts forming back over me. My head feels foggy.

“Tony, where are you going? Everything you want, everything you need, is right here.” I look over to the stairs leading to the basement, Pepper pulls my attention back. “Come on, Mr Potts.” She pulls me down and whispers into my ear. “Don’t you think it’s time we start a family?” I’m caught off guard, my heart in my throat. A family? After everything, she…

“Mr Stark!” Peter’s voice catches my attention, and my armor quickly covers me. Pepper pulls away and yells, clearly hurt. I don’t have time to react when I’m suddenly flung across the room by something I didn’t even see. “Mr Stark, she’s crazy!” Peter is thrown by what I can only assume is the same invisible thing that threw me, tumbling down the basement stairs. Pepper stands up and sighs while I try to unscramble my senses from getting my head knocked into the fireplace.

“Teenagers… so resilient.” She straightens out her dress. “I must say, Anthony, that boy you brought in is something else. He knew something was wrong immediately. I was really hoping the three men would be easier to subdue, but here we are.”

“Who are you?” I start to get back up slowly, trying to figure out what exactly hit me and how I can make sure it doesn’t hit me again.

“Did you hit your head too hard? I’m Pepper.”

“Mm, don’t think so.” No clear weapon, no electronic assistance to analyze anything. I’m probably going to have to brute force this fight. Pepper or not, though, I have to assume that’s her body. She examines the burn on her hand, the skin healing quickly. Good thing my armor was blessed... “Why don’t you tell me your real name?”

“Virginia.”

“Very funny.”

“Well, it’s half true. I am Pepper, she’s in here somewhere. Feisty little thing, too, so cute. You know, when Madeline first summoned me, she really helped me out. Getting me access to  _ the  _ Tony Stark? You’ve done some damage with your weapons that is so incredible, even demons are impressed. I was originally going to keep it small scale, once I got to you.” Okay, if demons have psychic powers similar to Wanda, I’m going to need something to distract her. If all of her focus stays on me, I’ll never even get close to her. “But I never expected you to build a body for me! Such a nice one, too. I was just going to feed off of your grief for a while and influence you to see what monstrosities you could come up with on your own.”

“Jesus, you talk more than I do.”

“Oh, honey… I’m only trying to help explain things while you can still grasp it. I’m going to kill you and your three friends, I’d hate to have your spirits lingering around for closure on what happened.” They’re not dead, then. She’s waiting to kill us all together? No, she’s probably going to torture us together. “I really do love you, Anthony.”

“Yeah? Get out of Pepper and let me see if you’re my type.”

“No, I don’t think I will. Normally it doesn’t take much to seduce others as it is, but your mind just turns to absolute mush when I use pheromones in this form.” I clench my jaw as she steps into my space. “Maybe I won’t kill you, just make you my slave until I get bored.” Oh, really? That would certainly buy me some time. If demons really paid any attention to me, they’d know that keeping me alive longer just narrows their chance of victory. I need to distract her somehow, find out if everyone is okay. I’ll need to get Happy and the kid out of here first, Peter can get Rhodey and the priest from the tower, Happy and Rhodes can monitor the situation, Cap and I will subdue Pepper. Okay, easy-peasy. She doesn’t like the armor, and I’m going to need to get comfortable real fast with causing Pepper pain. Just enough to restrain her. Alright… here we go. Sending the armor after her, it envelopes her entirely and I break for the stairs to the basement. I clench my jaw while I hear Pepper wailing, the blessed armor searing her skin.

Furniture starts flying around the room, and I barely manage to wrench the door open. The power is on here, Cap and Happy both look at me as I come through the door. Peter is laid down in the cradle. “Peter is okay, just knocked out.” I nod absentmindedly to Steve, who appears to be doing quick research with Happy on demons, and head straight for the laid out kid.

“Kid, wake up, we gotta get moving.” I shake him a little and he lunges awake, I back up to give him some space. “You good?” He’s sweating bullets and shaking…

“Mr. Stark! It’s- She’s- Miss Potts-”

“I know, we gotta go. I need you to go with Happy to the tower, Rhodey is going to bring a priest to help us. You and Happy go, get the priest back here as fast as you can.”

“What about you?”

“Cap and I are going to restrain her. Come on, let’s go. Steve, Happy, come on. Happy you’re going to the tower with the kid, Cap you’re with me.” The power in the basement goes out, and we run upstairs. When we get there, the armor is puddled on the floor and Pepper curled up next to it crying. I run for her, motioning for Happy and Peter to get out of the house. “Pepper?”

“Tony, that’s not-”

“Tony? Tony, what’s happening?” The armor forms back onto me, but I leave my helmet down and my hands uncovered. She’s shaking, covered in burns, sobbing. “What’s going on?”

“Honey, it’s going to be okay.” I need to get her to the cradle. “It’s going to be okay, just-” I reach out to touch her and I’m thrown back, I crash into Cap and we both hit the ground. There’s the sound of glass shattering across the room, and a lot of screaming. Pepper’s screaming, standing and facing where Happy and Peter are, her arm shaking and stretched out toward them. Peter’s leaning over Happy on the floor, glass and blood everywhere.

My voice catches in my throat and I boost over. “I- I went to push him out of the way, but-”

“Go!”

“But-”

“Kid, now!” Cap slams his shield into the back of Pepper’s head, Peter makes a break for it and I wrap the armor around Happy.

“Vitals.” Critical.

“Tony…”

“Hang in there, I’m going to get you downstairs to the cradle.” The power isn’t on, I’ll have to figure something out. I look over to where Steve is… kind of getting his ass kicked. I can’t leave him here alone-

“Tony-” Happy coughs, the armor moves away from his face. “You need to… stop her. Pepper won’t- ugh- forgive herself… if you don’t.”

“Happy-”

“Don’t… let me be… that.”

“Oh, Anthony…” Pepper’s voice echoes melodically, hauntingly. I close Happy’s eyes and the armor flows back around me. I clench my jaw so tight my teeth might break. “If you would just cooperate, you might’ve been able to convince me not to kill him. Or, at least not while I allowed Pepper’s consciousness to come through. It’s just tearing her apart! First you burn her with your armor, now she’s killed one of her close friends- almost got that kid, too.” I hear her walking towards me, I look over to find Steve pinned against a wall off the ground. He’s clawing at his neck like he’s being strangled.

“You’re going to regret that.” I blast my repulsors at her, she dodges and rushes toward me. The armor on my right arm flies off toward her, catching her arm and pulling her back. Steve drops to the ground with a loud gasp while Pepper screams.

“Tony?! Tony, please!” Instinctively, stupidly, the armor flies off of Pepper when she calls out to me. She drops to the ground and I run over to Steve. “Tony, what’s happening? I don’t understand, there’s- there’s something.”

“Pepper, you’re possessed by a demon. Don’t worry, I’m gonna fix it.”

“Happy… No, don’t tell me I-”

“It wasn’t you, it was that thing possessing you. Don’t think about Happy right now, he’s going to be fine.”

“Oh my god, I killed him.”

“Pepper-” She floats off the ground until she’s standing upright. I send the armor after her again, but it melts within a foot near her.

“Sweet, sweet Mr Potts… You’re hurting your girlfriend. I’d really prefer you not touch me with that armor again, otherwise I’ll have to keep Pepper conscious while you burn her alive all over again. We don’t want that, do we?”

“How do we even know it’s really Pepper’s consciousness?” I’m wracking my brain for ideas while Steve speaks up. We just need to distract her long enough until the priest is here. Then I can get the armor on her and the priest can exorcise her so she doesn’t keep getting burned by it.

“I guess you don’t, Steven. You’ll have to take my word for it. Not that it really matters if you believe me or not, Tony does.”

“Tony-”

“She’s right. My armor is psionic, she knows that if I think it’s Pepper, I’ll pull back instinctively.”

“We need a plan.”

“I have a plan. Just follow my lead, let’s lay her out.” I absolutely do not have a plan of how we’re going to do that. Between Steve and I, we keep her occupied. One of us always on top of her keeps her from getting either of us down for long. This is not to say that she isn’t beating the ever loving shit out of us, and if I get too close to her my armor starts to malfunction. Guess adding the psionic feature isn’t enough to work perfectly against her electrical manipulation at such a close range. It starts happening further and further out, she’s learning how to manipulate it.

I toss Cap the water bottle full of holy water, yelling for him to douse his shield. Before he can, however, he’s slammed against the wall hard enough it craters and he hits the ground hard. “Steve!” God, please don’t be dead. The armor flies toward him and I charge her. I connect to the armor mentally to check his vitals, which are thankfully not dangerously low. He’s definitely hurt and unconscious. I grab a broken chair leg and swing to no avail, Pepper effortlessly dodges it and grabs me by the throat. Gasping as I’m thrown to the ground, I’m brought back up to my knees and I can’t breathe. Something I can’t see is wrapped around my throat, I can’t move my body.

“You know, if you want, I’m willing to trade.” My field of vision narrows as the edges turn black, my head feels like it might explode. “I could use your body. Walk around as the  _ great Tony Stark _ . Imagine all of the great things we could do… your brain, my power.” I gasp loudly as the pressure on my throat eases up, only to go back to choking me a second later. She grabs my hair and slams her knee into my face, breaking my nose before throwing me to the ground. I have no time to react when I’m flung into the air, high enough to hit the ceiling and thrown back down again. My body bounces it lands so hard, and I’m positive I’d have died without extremis.

I cough up blood the next time I can breathe, gasping desperately for just a few more gulps of air before it starts again. “Of course, I’ll have to kill that child and the captain. Otherwise, I imagine I’d have a hard time winning over the other Avengers. If you want, you can sign a contract with me. I’ll let you have Miss Potts as herself on weekends. Even if you tell the others, they won’t believe you. Steven Rogers? Sure. But you? Well...” She scoffs, pushing me onto my back from where I started to try and stand “We both know no one ever believes you when you say something is wrong.”

“P-Pepper…” I can barely choke it out, my ribs cracking under her foot as she stomps on me. I’m definitely going to die. The broken chair leg flies into her hand and she brings me up into the air, my toes just a few inches above the hardwood. I grab uselessly at my neck with one hand, and reach out to her with the other. If I can just figure out a way to get Pepper back in control, even if just for a minute- “Pepper-”

“What, you want to see her one last time? You’re such a sap, no wonder it was so easy to fool you.” She winds up with the chair leg, and I close my eyes. I wait for the impact, but I feel the floor first. I gasp as air rushes into my lungs, looking up to see Pepper standing in shock with a huge piece of a broken iron bar jutting from her abdomen. “T-tony…” I stand quickly, almost falling as blood rushes to my head. I grab her arms to support her, looking over her shoulder at my reflection in the armor.

The armor pulls away, leaving me looking at Steve as Pepper collapses in my arms. I feel like I get the wind knocked out of me as Steve pulls the bar out of her, blood splattering onto the ground.

“Tony, move, it’s not Pepper.” He pulls back again, he wants to impale her through the heart.

“Tony… it’s okay.” I look down at her, shaking and struggling to breathe as blood fills her lungs. The power flickers back on.

“The cradle- We have to-” Pepper finds one of my hands, smiling weakly as we slowly crumble to the floor.

“Let… let me go. I want… I want to…”

“Pepper-”

“Don’t… don’t worry. Don’t… don’t bring… me back. It’ll be… it’ll be okay. Don’t… do this again. It’ll come back. P-promise me.”

“No, no, no, it’s going to be okay. Help is coming, we’ll fix this.” She groans in pain and twists in my arms.

“It’s… it’s coming back.”

“Pep, you…” I wet my lips. “You have to let it take over again. It’ll heal you, it’ll buy us time.”

“Tony… it’s okay.”

“No, I can still-”

“I love you… Mr Potts.”

“Pepper, please!” Steve gently tries to take her from me, but I won’t let him. I hear him telling me to let go, to look away, to say goodbye. I feel him trying to separate us. He practically has to throw me off of her to get me to let go. I hurry to my feet, sending the armor after Steve as he moves to finish Pepper off. Pepper looks at me and reaches out, the armor melting as she mouths ‘It’ll be okay’. When Steve drives the iron into her chest, I swear I can hear the breaking of the bone and the penetration all the way through the floor.

Her body convulses and smoke starts coming from the wound and her hands while she tries to pull the bar from her chest. Steve pours what I assume is the rest of the holy water onto her, burning her further. The armor flies to me and I boost to Steve, tackling him to the floor. I fly back quickly toward Pepper, grabbing the pipe to pull out from her. Steve’s shield knocks me off my feet, and he charges to keep me down.

“Steve, stop it! We have to help her!”

“Tony, it’s over! You have to let her go!”

“I can still save her, I just need more time!”

“There is no more time! That thing was about to kill you!”

“I said back  _ off _ !” I get a decent hit in and throw him off balance, using a repulsor blast to get some distance, and another to throw him into the broken fireplace. I grab the iron and blast away a piece of marble flying at me. Steve isn’t far behind it, tackling me onto the ground. I blast him off of me, burning hot enough that it does some damage. The armor flies off of me and onto Steve, pinning him down. It takes an insane amount of physical effort to try and pull the pipe out of Pepper after Steve drove it through the ground, and an insane amount of mental strength to control the suit and not let Steve overpower it. Pepper’s stopped screaming, leaving her limp on the ground with blood coming from her eyes. I can’t pull the pipe out, her pulse is gone, blood pooling at my feet. No, no, no… No! The armor reforms around Steve, acting as metal binds to hold him down.

“Tony, there was no other way.”

“You killed her.”

“She was already dead once that thing had control of her, you know that.”

“Jarvis, open endo-sym reserve.” More liquid metal flies up the stairs towards me, wrapping around my hand and doubling down on Steve’s restraints.

“Don’t do something you’re going to regret, shell head.”

“Too late.” The metal cracks loudly against his cheekbone when I backfist him. He doesn’t even so much as grunt. I step back a little, holding my hand up and powering up a lethal shot. Steve looks up at me, past my hand, jaw flexing and a firm yet apologetic look in his eyes. I hear my blood rushing in my ears, head pounding, eyes burning. Steve relaxes, giving himself up to me. I try to steel myself, feeling my body start to shake.

I see Steve say ‘I’m sorry’, but I don’t hear it. I also don’t hear a proximity warning, as the next thing I know I’m knocked unconscious. When I wake up, I’m webbed up against a tree. I blink my eyes, trying to get my bearings. Everything hurts.

“Mr Stark, hey, it’s Peter.” I look at the kid across from me. “Are you okay? The priest already blessed you and everything, but Colonel Rhodes had me web you up just in case.”

“Get me out of this, Peter.”

“Oh, uh, Colonel Rhodes told me to get him when-”

“Kid.”

“Right, right, okay, sorry.” He comes over and starts freeing me from the sticky situation he put me in.

“You okay?”

“I-I’m okay, sir. I’m a quick healer, just sore. Are you alright?”

“Peachy.” Once I’m free, I suit up and make the short trip to the mansion doors. I walk through the broken glass and Rhodey greets me halfway. “James-”

“You don’t need to be in here right now.”

“Yes, I do. Let me see her.”

“Tony, you almost shot Steve executioner style. Do you really think-”

“Please.” He thinks for a few seconds before sighing, letting me go past but following close behind. Steve stands in the kitchen on the phone, the priest is standing over Pepper’s body as it burns. She’s unmoving, engulfed in flames while the priest reads from his book of spells or whatever. I sit on some broken furniture and just watch her burn away to a crisp. I increase the painkillers in my suit to a decent amount while Rhodey sits next to me. For one of the first times of my life, I can’t find anything to say.

After not too long, Fury and some shield operatives show up with their own emergency vehicles. Fury forces himself into my field of vision, the armor sinks back under my skin. “You okay?” I just look at him. “We’re going to get this taken care of.” Fury talks about next steps but I don’t register any of it. All I can think about is how I put Pepper through even more pain, how she’s gone all over again, how I won’t even have a body to bury, how Happy’s family will be affected, how he’ll never get to see the end of his favorite shows, how if none of this ever happened he wouldn’t be dead. There won’t be anymore family dinners with them, no more boxing practices, no more worst parent award. I think about how I wasn’t fast enough, strong enough, smart enough to have prevented all of this. How maybe if I could’ve held her down just a little bit longer, maybe the priest could’ve saved her.

How I didn’t say ‘I love you’ one last time.

“Tony, we gotta get you fixed up.” Rhodey shakes my shoulder to get my attention, I tear my eyes away from the fire as some paramedics come over to me. Refusing a stretcher, my armor sinks back into my bones, and force them to give me treatment in the room. I give quiet responses to whatever they ask me, pretending I haven’t numbed myself up with morphine as it is so they give me more. They want me in a hospital on account of my broken ribs, but I insist I don’t need it due to extremis. Both my body and my brain start to go numb, and I find myself leaning on Rhodey for support.

Steve ends up escorting Peter home while Rhodes and I wait until the priest is officially done. The spirit is essentially sealed in the house until more priests can make it over to banish it entirely. Pepper has to be burned down to only her bones and then blessed again before we can rebury her. I’m warned against destroying the mansion now and in the future, as it could release the idiot demon’s binds. I manage to throw together plans to get the important things back into the avengers tower for the time being. Maybe I’ll get out of New York… move to the Chicago house or maybe Cincinnati. Live in the midwest for a little while, grow some corn and soybeans. Rhodey offers to take me to the tower, but I can’t stand to see anyone else right now. Unfortunately with the amount of medication in my system, I can’t stand at all. Rhodey ends up carrying me bridal style to the mansion, having brought the War Machine despite me telling him not to earlier. I’m barely conscious when we get there. Everyone’s voices are distant and muffled, but I can make out the comment ‘I know it’s the evening, but did Tony get drunk and kicked out early?’ from Sam. Rhodey tells him to get everyone in the debriefing room before taking me up to my bed on the topmost floor.

“Get some rest, okay? I’ll talk to everyone.”

“James,” I reach over to him, knocking my knuckles against his armor. “I love you.”

“I know… I love you, too.”

“Do you think they knew? Happy and Pepper… that I loved them.”

“Yeah, they did.”

“I didn’t say it enough.”

“You didn’t have to, Tony. They could tell.” Rhodey puts a hand over mine, telling me again to get some sleep. I’m too sedated to dream, apparently, because I sleep for a real amount of time for once without disturbances. I don’t wake up feeling particularly well rested, however. “Jarvis… retrieve settings, footage, everything from the New York mansion.” I stay in bed and use a Stark pad to track the progress. With Fury and his crew all over the Stark mansion, I make sure none of the more sensitive files have been accessed and increase the firewalls on them. While I’m at it, I completely lock down my section of the tower. I remove access for everyone aside from myself, making sure I can effectively isolate myself.

I spend most of the day planning Happy’s wake and funeral, I manage the security myself this time. I’m not allowing a repeat of what happened with Pepper. I set up something much smaller and more private for Pepper’s second funeral. The guest list really only consisting of me, Rhodes, and Natasha. The first day I get out of the tower is three days later for Happy’s wake. After a significant amount of alcohol and painkillers, I take the armor and leave out the window to avoid the press waiting outside.

Security keeps the press across the street from the funeral home, thankfully, so I don’t have to interact with them. My brain is in a complete fog as it is. Happy’s friends and family are much kinder than I expect. There’s a lot of hugs, concerned looks, and promises that we’ll all get through this. No one curses me out, openly blames me for what happened despite the fact that it is literally entirely my fault, a lot of sympathetic looks when I stand up to read a eulogy. My notecards are blurry, and I have to have Jarvis read it to me telepathically for me to repeat back. “Harold Joseph Hogan… boy, that’s a mouthful. Um,” focus. “Happy worked with me for over two decades now. It was thanks to him- fuck, I can’t do this.” I put down the note cards and rub my face, trying to sort my brain out for a few seconds. Deep breaths, Tony. Just don’t slur your words, speak from the heart or whatever it is people do.

“Happy was, without a doubt, the best man I have ever had the fortune to emply- employ. He was stubborn, he complained constantly, and it’s entirely thanks to him that I’ve even survived this long. Without Happy, I probably would’ve died from alcohol poisoning or getting stabbed by a jilted girlfriend years before Iron Man existed. Happy is the only man I’ve met who can make me feel like an idiot, and if he hadn’t supported me along the way… I don’t know who I’d be now. ...Now, a word from his brother, Clay.” I manage to make it back to my seat alone. Rhodey rubs my shoulders like I just got out of a boxing match, and I notice he switched my scotch out for cola.

I drink it down and excuse myself to the bathroom, James getting up to follow me. “We don’t need to go in groups, Rhodey.” Once I’m alone, I pop a few more pills, thankful for the Vicodin. I sit with my back against the door and watch the security feed of the funeral from the back of my eyelids. I’m too drugged up to cry, and as the latest pills take effect I lose the ability to feel much at all, both physically and emotionally. When the service starts to wrap up, I pull myself back out and find Rhodey rushing to catch me as I stumble.

“Alright, we’re going to get you home.”

“No.”

“Tony, you can barely stand. How many pills have you taken? You shouldn’t be drinking, either-”

“None of your damn business.” I pull away, supporting myself on the wall. “Can’t a man mourn in peace around here?”

“Mourning with pills and alcohol is going to make me have to plan a funeral, and I’m not really in the mood.” I scoff, shaking my head.

“Rhodey, with Extremis, it’s fine. Extremis eats up everything that could kill me.” He gives me a look, saying that isn’t the point. “Whatever.” I give him one of my pill bottles to satisfy him for the time being, allowing him to help me to a car waiting for me at the back of the building. I have to go in through the doors when we get back to the tower, I can’t get my brain to focus enough to even get the armor all the way on me. I try to not make it super obvious that I’m extremely drunk and high, but from all of the reporters asking me if I’m inebriated, I must not be doing very well.

I get inside and I hope I’m the first one back. Rhodes practically carries me to the elevator, but I don’t let him come up with me. I take a few more pills once I get up to my room and wash them down with a scotch neat. I have Dum-E and You in the tower with me, and I fall asleep leaned against You while Dum-E drags over a blanket. I stay there for a solid eighteen hours before I sober up enough to change locations and make myself another drink to take more pills with. It’s shocking that I don’t die over the next week, but I manage to wake up for Happy’s burial and then the reburying of Pepper’s bones several days after that. I shower, get dressed, leave in the suit. Rhodey and Nat are both there, along with one of the priests from Rome.

“Hey, you look miserable.”

“Hmm.” I don’t even look at Natasha. “No hugs.”

“You sure? You look like you could use one.” I don’t respond, and we just watch the priest pray over the coffin as it’s lowered. “You remember when we first met? I remember thinking Pepper was way out of your league.”

“She was, always has been.”

“No, not always. You eventually made it.” I give a passive hum in response and the conversation falls off. The little service finishes up, and I manage to actually suit up this time. I fly myself to the tower, in through the window. More booze, more pills. Booze, pills, booze, pills. The company starts contacting me, wanting information about who is taking control as CEO. I have Jarvis tell them I will after a leave of absence. No one bothers me about being Iron Man, Rhodey calls me a few times and I only answer to tell him I’m not dead. I make sure Peter gets some sort of superhero counseling, money sent to all parties affected, I tell Jarvis to have the avengers in the tower all split whatever flowers and food is sent my way.

I do, however, make sure to grab the alcohol.

A week after Pepper’s burial, I run out of booze and pills. Doctors give me more of one, I buy more of the other. I end up passing out in a bar, and waking up somewhere familiar. My eyes drag across the room, and I check my pockets for my pills but don’t find them. It hasn’t been too long because I’m still extremely high, and I’d consider sneaking out of the bedroom I’m in if it didn’t mean leaving prescriptions behind. I pull myself out of the bed, noticing the pockets I checked weren’t even mine. I’m wearing overly long sweatpants, tied tight with the waist string to accommodate the fact that I’ve lost quite a bit of weight on my current liquid diet.

The door opens before I even get to it. I feel myself start having a nervous breakdown as soon as I see Steve’s face. The pills numb it, but I immediately feel something between extreme sorrow and rage. The apologetic look on his face only hurts because I know. I know he didn’t want to do it, and I know he had to. I know it wasn’t his fault. I’m not angry with him, I’m angry at myself. His face just reminds me of my failure.

“Tony, you should lay back down. You were passed out on top of Pepper’s grave,” I don’t remember leaving the bar. “and then vomited for twenty minutes straight.” That sounds correct.

“Wow, just twenty?” My voice comes out flat and uninterested. I let my eyes unfocus to a different part of the room. Steve doesn’t say anything, but he reaches out to touch me and lead me back to bed. “Don’t.” He pulls back a little. “I just want my pills. It hurts.”

“You know I can’t give those to you.”

“Look, I’ll stay here. I just- I can’t sleep, it hurts too much.”

“What hurts? Are your ribs bothering you?” I scoff a little, looking up humorlessly.

“Yes, Steve, my ribs.” I rub my face with my hand. “It’s my ribs that hurt.”

“...Listen, Tony, I know this is hard for you. But this isn’t a path you want to go down. Do you want Peter to see you like this? For him to think this is acceptable?”

“He’s not my kid.”

“No, he’s your protage.” Barely.

“It’s nothing he hasn’t seen before if he does his homework.”

“But you’ve changed, and that’s what’s important.”

“Clearly I haven’t. Just let me have the pills, I know you emptied my flask so-”

“Tony, just get back in the bed.”

“You’re not my mother, Rogers. I don’t need you acting like you know what’s best for me.”

“I’m not trying to be your mother.”

“You’re not my  _ boyfriend _ , either!” He pulls back fully, and I close my eyes in annoyance. I’m such an idiot. “I’m sorry, that… that was out of line.”

“No, it’s okay.” He looks away for a few seconds, rubbing his chin. “Look, Tony, I know this isn’t an ideal situation. I know I’m the last person you want to see or be around, but I’m just trying to help. I know you want to drink it all away and numb it with pills, but I’m your friend and I’m not about to let you kill yourself like that.”

“Why not? Why can’t I, huh? When is it my turn?

“Tony-”

“No, I mean it. When am I finally going to be the one who goes? How many people that I love am I going to end up getting killed? Rhodes, you, the other avengers, I’ve got Peter now, it’s an honest to god miracle that Harley didn’t get killed when I met him- not for lack of people trying, frankly.” I lean against the wall, wetting my lips. “It should’ve been me. That explosion, the demon, everything. I should’ve just been the one at the tower who died. Should’ve been me, not Happy.”

“Don’t say that. Do you think they would want to hear it?”

“It’s irrelevant, Steve, they’re dead. They’re not hearing anything.”

“If there’s demons-”

“There’s angels, too? Yeah, I don’t really buy that. If that was true, they would’ve enterviened. Fuck, if they were real, they would show me some damn mercy and kill me already. Or maybe I just don’t have any angels looking out for me, only demons. It knew who I was, Steve. They applaud me in hell. If that’s true, and heaven and hell are real, I’m going to be sent to the same place as-” My dad, Obediah, the terrorists I killed, the villains I’ve defeated. I’ll never escape, I’ll never be free, and I’ll never truly have a chance to rest. I don’t deserve it, either. I bite my lip and shake my head. “I just want to go to sleep, Steve. I’m not trying to kill myself, I just want to close my eyes without seeing them.”

“Just lay down, Tony.” I’m too exhausted to keep arguing, but I’ll collapse before I admit that. “Please.”

“Not unless you make me.” This, as I hoped, forces Steve to pick me up and physically put me back into the bed. I give some weak protesting, and groan like an indignant child when I’m extremely tightly tucked in. He insists on making me hot milk to relax, as if I’m five years old, and I pretend to fall asleep while he’s out of the room. He calls my name when he comes back in and I don’t respond. I make sure to breathe evenly and not move when I feel him brush some hair from my forehead. I also make sure not to cry when he says, in an incredibly soft voice,

“You can’t leave yet, shell head. This time period isn’t home without you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Really only tagged the characters/relationships that are major, but there are other characters and some OCs. This is my first fanfic in, like, twelve years. Mostly inspired by the MCU with some information from the comics. If you're confused on what has/hasn't happened before this fic in the comics/movies... I don't know either, I read the comics very out of order so I confused myself with all timelines.
> 
> I wrote a lot of this while high so it has a bad case of past/present tense switching that's my bad. Lots more to come.


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